The Nothing Room

A man has something a woman doesn’t have. Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s not what you think it is.

A man has a space – a space in his brain that’s completely unoccupied, devoid of any synapses or other links to thought. In this cranial space he doesn’t think. He does nothing – absolutely nothing – and for long periods of time.

This space, that only a man has, is called his “Nothing Room.”

A woman’s brain is totally different. A woman’s brain is jammed with designated thought areas. A woman has a spot to store every thought she’s ever had and will have until her last breath.

And her last thought will probably be something like this, “I wonder why today was my day? Can we talk about this?”

Ergo, women are very jealous of a man’s nothing space.

A woman can tell when a guy is in that space because she’s been trained by masters. She recognizes his blank vacant stares … that bit of drool … monosyllabic responses to complex questions.

A man goes to his Nothing Room frequently because he’s learned it’s the only space he has that is truly his. As the owner of a Nothing Room, a man must be ever vigilant that a woman doesn’t gain entry to his nothing space.

Attempts to occupy a man’s Nothing Room may go something like this:

Partner: “Hi hon, what ya thinkin’ about?”

Man: “Oh, nothing.”

Partner: “You gotta be thinkin’ about something. You can’t be thinking about ‘nothing.’ What’s going on in there?” (This is a thinly veiled attempt to gain illegal entry.)

Man: “Really – nothing. I’m not thinking about anything.”

At this point a smart woman shrugs and walks away, leaves the man to his thoughts about nothing and allows him to continue to hang out in his cranial vacuum.

Researchers have been unable to locate or verify the man’s Nothing Room. This shouldn’t be a surprise since there’s nothing to find in the Nothing Room. Nothing is visible, nothing is scope-able.

And be forewarned. A man’s Nothing Room has absolutely nothing in it because he wants it that way. Nothing to dust. No decorator colors, no dried or silk flowers, no Martha Stewart towels, no nothing!

Every man knows that a decorated room instantly becomes a “Something Room.” It would have to be cleaned, maintained, rearranged and taken care of. The man would feel responsible for it. It would become just another designated thought space in his already cluttered mind … Lunch, football and sex
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Remember, there’s a reason men call it their “Nothing Room.” We’re just sorry women don’t have Nothing Rooms of their own.

13 thoughts on “The Nothing Room

    • Hi George … Thanx for tuning into my Blog! SCHMIDT, I know it’s you … I’ll have to Google that episode … Seinfeld made millions off of “nothing.” So far, I’m a bit behind him.

      Thanx for tuning in

  1. I sometimes find myself yelling, “HELP! I’ve fallen into the black hole of my ‘nothing room’ and can’t get out.” But no one can hear me down there and I stay gone from Suoerbowl to Spring Training.

  2. That period (Stupor Bowel to Spg Training) is sports wasteland …

    I come out only for the Final 4 Championship Game & the NBA final game(s) … If you have a really good nothing room, no one will ever hear you … therein lies the dilemma …

    • I have a Cranial Dyson that keeps my brain (what there is of it) super clean … and I’m proud of it!

      Thanx for reading my stuff

  3. So it is your do-nothing room? your little or nothing room? Next to nothing? All or nothing?

    Actually, maybe it’s good for nothing.

    And I know nothing else.

    • Aha! That was a scurrilous attempt to gain entry to my “Nothing Room,” and fill it up with varying degrees of nothings, which if left unattended would actually become somethings and then I’d be royally you-know-whated!

      Thanks for reading my stuff …

  4. Nothing? Absolutely Nothing? Sounds like meditation of the highest order, but can you do this in the lotus position?.

  5. Jeanne … Thanx to Pilates, I can get on the ground with my legs in what I call, “A safe Mock-lotus for the elderly” position. It’s close, but no cigar … I have never had to meditate to get to my nothing room. I just open the door to nothingness naturally.

    As a kid, I was always chastised for “day dreaming.” Little did I know that day dreaming is simply a prelude to nothing-ing … a new verb form I’ve developed!

    Thanx for reading my stuff.

  6. If you have ever raised a boy, you can watch the “nothing room” as it develops. At some point the kid tells you everything then he opens the nothing room and stuffs things into the black home of the mind and effectively loses them forever. Try asking a teenage boy anything and he can open the nothing room, find it empty of whatever once was stuffed into it, and answer with nothing.

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