You have a WHAT in your Yard?

Come on admit it. I’ll bet you have at least one, maybe even more, Florida pink plastic flamingos in your life. Come on … admit it!

If your ego allows it, you’ve got it smack dab in your front yard.

If you’re more timid about “coming out” with your flamingo, it’s probably in your back yard.

And if you’re totally embarrassed that someone in your family dared to give you one, it’s probably in your closet, garage or has already been donated to the local re-sale store with a weak explanation:

“You know, it’s just not my style … if you know what I mean.”

Don’t feel bad. The argument over whether this Florida icon is art, kitsch, or crap has been going on ever since sculptor, Don Featherstone designed the mold for the first one back in 1957.

Even he’s not sure which it is!

Lineup a dozen Floridians and six will look down their collective noses at the royal plastic beauty, while ½ dozen will proudly tell you that they’ve named their individual flamingos. Hell, some folks have been spotted dressing their flamingos for holiday celebrations!

And native Florida families go to war over flamingo yard art as often as they do over supporting the Gators or the Seminoles.

Hey … this is important sh*t.

The flamingo, as an important part of Florida cannot be argued. Hell the image for the Florida Lottery is a silhouette of a bright pink flamingo. Flamingos were kept footloose and fancy free on the interior grounds of Hialeah Racetrack when it was operating. Even the taxi cabs in Key West are painted pink.

Oh, wait a minute … that might be to promote Pepto-Bismol to help with Hemmingway-esque hangovers!

Hangovers? Alcohol? Did someone mention alcohol? My, my just the thought of refreshing jazzed-up pinky concoctions makes my brain fuzzy.

Several adult beverages make use of the flamingo in their names and, though most of them tend to be designed for women, there are a couple of recipes for the “knuckle-dragger” in your family.

Get over the “pink” guys and go for a pink flamingo Martini. Here’s my recipe for the Seriously Absurd Pink Flamingo Martini. Vodka goes with any color!

Two parts vodka
1 part cranberry juice cocktail
1 part pink lemonade
Dash of Cointreau or Triple Sec
Shake vigorously over ice
Strain into a chilled Martini glass

So the evidence is in. Pink flamingos may not live here anymore, but there are plenty of others we can have fun with.

I challenge you to take the Kitsch Pink Flamingo Challenge and show me your “pink flamingo,” whether it’s in your yard, your glass or your….

Oh, never mind!

10 thoughts on “You have a WHAT in your Yard?

  1. Plastic flamingos in Vero? No way, Jose!

    However, I do have a challange for you. I’m thnking a far more Vero-esque lawn ornament would be the PLATINUM PLATYPUS…..and I can’t wait to read the cocktail recipe for that one!

  2. Wow … Platinum Platypus … It would have to be sitting upright on a pedestal to be seen. All the platypii (platy-pussies, no) I have seen are low and hug the bottom of Australian rivers.

    As for the cocktail … I’ll start with vodka … nothing else matters except the appropriate number of ice cubes.

    Thanks for reading!

  3. For several years now I have summered in nondescript Livingston, Montana. There’s a bar there frequented by the likes of everyone from Jimmy Buffet to Jim Harrison to Peter Fonda to John Mayer to . . . yours truly. The owner (Joe) is from Miami and has decorated the outdoor garden seating area (which due to brutal winters is of course only open a few short months) with surfboards and – yes, pink flamingos. The plastic flamingos are so popular they get stolen! Go figure…

  4. I bet if you had taken photos of the pinkos, you woulda enclosed them with your email … but, i still can mentally see them in Montana and problem know the type of guys/gals that would lift them … just like me … I took pink flamingos from all over Miami area and replaced them in other folks’ yards … just to keep ’em guessin’ and movin’

    Thanks for keepin’ up with me!

  5. Richard, everyone knows that Florida is not a Red State or a Blue State… it is a Pink State. 1/2 Pink Flamingos and 1/2 Pink Elephants!! I enjoyed the read!

    Michael

  6. Well, I for one am glad that I’ve never experienced Pink Flamingos as a result of a “few’ vodkas …

    And, I’m also glad I haven’t experienced any Pink Elephants in Florida yards …

    Besides, i have no clue what the ingredients for a Pink Elephant Martini would be! thanks for reading my stuff.

  7. Flocks of wild turkeys flit around our Michigan yard and pepper the grass with brown and white feathers large enough to adorn a Victorian hat or a Native American headpiece. And trust me, a preening male turkey, his fan spread wide and trembling, is a sight to behold. Pink flamingos standing on one leg or sexy turkeys gobbling love songs to one another? What would Ben Franklin say?.

  8. Well, for sure Ben would vote for the turkey since he was the sole proponent for naming the turkey as our “national symbol.” Fortunately, from an historical perspective, Ben lost that one and we got the Bald Eagle.

    I’m sure our bellicose nature as a country is partially fueled by the fierceness of our Bald Eagle symbol. I’m not sure the Screaming Eagles (101st Airborne) would have ever called themselves the “Gobbling Turkeys!” Just sayin’

    Thanks for reading my stuff and glad you’re safe back in MI.

  9. So, Richard, have you been peeking in my front door and found my flamingo. Being a classy lady, my flamingo is made of stained glass and sits rather primly by my yard shoes.

    My arty friend, Diana, also admires pink plastic flamingos so much that there are about 12 of them planted in her front lawn. I am not telling where she lives. You will have to track her down if you really want to find the flamingos.

  10. Ella … i would expect nothing less than a classy femme fatale flamingo in your possession. But,the real test for “Flamingo-ality” is to display in your front yard a group of “flocking flamingos” for all to see (pun intended).

    Assuming that Diana lives in Mount Dora, I will start prowling the streets in search of her “pink fowl plasticized” front lawn.

    Thanks for reading my stuff!

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