Barbie and SeaWorld Divorce … Affair with PETA Suspected

As if SeaWorld didn’t have enough problems to contend with, now they’ve been dropped by Barbie.

Yes, that Barbie. The doll collected and dressed by pre-teen American girls and secretly fondled and undressed by their pre-teen brothers.

SeaWorld has felt the backlash of Killer Whales actually killing people, employees spilling the beans, the release of Blackfish, a behind the scenes non-documentary documentary, and pressure from PETA and other animal rights groups up in arms up about SeaWorld’s alleged animal cruelty. But in this public PR smack down with Barbie and PETA, SeaWorld is the loser, Barbie emerges as a public opinion winner, and PETA … well it’s PETA.

Barbie’s presence was felt all throughout SeaWorld with such kits as Rescue SeaWorld Wildlife Barbie, Splash and Spin Dolphin Trainer Barbie and SeaWorld Antarctica Play with Penguins Barbie.

When she stomps out and slams the SeaWorld front gate closed, what will happen to this perfect plastic body? Simple – Barbie will do fine. She’ll triple in price on eBay as the most collectible of all the Barbie dolls produced.

Meanwhile, unconfirmed rumors indicate that Mattel, Barbie and PETA are busy in secret meetings designing the new PETA Animal Friendly Barbie.

PETA, sparked by the possibility of a retail income stream to boost their bottom line, came to the meeting with prototypes already developed.

“Never leave your Dog in the Car Barbie,” “Not all Pit Bulls are Bad Barbie,” “Really Free Range Chicken Barbie,” and “Uncaged Pork Loin Barbie” are ready for the plastic molds. And if PETA and Mattel want to keep an ocean theme current (pun intended), there’s always the “Keep your F’ing Plastic out of the Ocean Barbie.” All kits will include appropriate signage and battery powered sound systems to shout insults to the public.

As for Barbie fashions, the state of California with their new “Free the Chickens” legislation is a prime market for PETA Barbie. California’s where the chicken feather Barbie fashion line will be launched. Bright frilly outfits will attract the girls and Barbie’s perfect plastic cleavage and tight bunned butt will still be there for the boys. (All feathers are collected without harming or embarrassing a single chicken!)

It’s a win-win for everybody. Clearly, PETA and Barbie are a dynamic marketing duo. And all SeaWorld trainers can now relax – no more competition against the perfect-plastic-body Barbie Trainers!

It’s a sure thing.

6 thoughts on “Barbie and SeaWorld Divorce … Affair with PETA Suspected

  1. Uh oh … You rolling on the floor is a picture in and of it self! Thanks for the support … There’s a lot a blogger can do with the trio of SeaWorld, Barbie and PETA … but not stay out of jail … that’s the key!

    Hot here … stay out of the sun today…

  2. I’m hilariously aware of what ROFL means but, alas, I fail to see the source of conflict btwn (that’s short for between) Barbie and SeaWorld. I guess I’ll have to get my Barbie out of the closet, put on her best dress (she’s been sleeping in the nude all these years) and ask her. 🙂 (That’s a smiley face.)

  3. ROFL, smiley face and WTF … My mom threw my Barbies away when she dumped all my baseball cards! They (the Barbies), too, were nude and lived in my closet … I guess we’re just “closet fondlers.”

    As for SeaWorld and Barbie getting a divorce, as in all divorces it’s a complicated and messy situation that will require lawyers, money and more time than I’m willing to commit to try to explain .

    But, thanx for reading my shit (that’s internet abbreviation for shit).

  4. I think they need a “Killer Barbie” that’s dressed like an Orca whale. After all, Ken secretly likes Barbie to bite him.

  5. Cool… you worked in a kinky Barbie & Ken scenario … i wanted to do that but couldn’t come up with one.

    As for Barbie in an Orca suit, form fitted black and white works for me …

    “My, my Barbie, what big teeth you have!” said the little Red PETA Girl as she looked at Barbie’s big smile.

    Thanks for reading my stuff …

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