Houston, we have a problem … more Republican presidential candidates than can be stacked, squeezed or hung from trapezes on the stage. We’re talking the great GOP De-Bait crisis.
Fox News wants to limit the De-Bait to a mere 10 contestants, oops I mean candidates on the stage. But that’s oh so un-American. We’re the country where bigger, biggest, gi-gan-to rules. Think Super Bowl, Macy’s Parade, award shows the size of most royal coronations.
Shit, the Duggars can manage 19 kids. Shouldn’t the great GOP De-Bait be able to handle a measly 20+ candidates?
We have an opportunity here, Houston … not a problem.
If the NFL can turn Super Bowl into an all day event and drag a 60 minute game out to three hours, FOX should be able to rise to the occasion. Why not stage it as the “Super De-Bait #I?”
Ratings will soar. Think big, Fox News, and you will be big or finally big enough to rule the world! This is a stadium sized affair and you don’t even have to build a stadium.
At 20 candidates, that’s only 5,000 people per candidate to reach 100,000 people easy. Santorum and Huckabee can appeal to evangelicals to “make a pilgrimage.” Jeb Bush can bus ‘em all in – he’s got the big bucks. Rubio can mobilize the now wealthy Cuban refugees in Miami and the Texas gunslingers, Cruz and Perry, can roundup Texas – if they can’t get their share from that huge state they need to hang-up their spurs.
If a stage can be assembled in minutes for Super Bowl half-time extravaganzas it should be a no-brainer to build a dais to hold candidates for question and non-answer performances. Make it a revolving 50-yardline stage with tiered rows of soft cushy chairs – think rich Corinthian leather.
Each candidate’s table would be the shape of his “home state.”
Imagine a highly visible red, white and blue elephant buzzer attached to each table. Just like Jeopardy, the first to the buzzer gets to create a non-answer to the question … and he doesn’t have to structure his non-answer in the form of a question!
I’m pissed that Alex Trebek can’t emcee the show … but the GOP and the Fox Network are adamant about turning this incredible opportunity into a dismal and boring affair based on some cockamamie notion to de-select candidates for the non-answer De-Baits.
Ho hum … just dreamin’ of what could be.