Every adult has one. It’s usually in the kitchen and has a life of its own. Stuff multiplies in it. It’s suspected that secret unprotected interspecies sex occurs.
Many of us have a strange habit that’s impossible to curb. It develops in spite of a simple mantra: “There’s a place for everything and everything has its place.”
That ding, ding, ding, you hear is the “exception bell” ringing in your head. Suddenly you realize you need a special place for the “everythings” that don’t have a place of their own.
So at night when you hear what you think is the icemaker, it’s really your Junk Drawer … filled with things that go “bump in the night.” Yikes! What to do?
To manage those deviant items that defy our primary mantra, I offer you another axiom: “Out of sight out of mind.” Leftover item … hmm. Open “bump-in-the-night” drawer, pitch isolate-item into drawer, slam that sucker shut.
Repeat with a high degree of frequency. Why?
Because many of us also have another effing rule: “Waste not, want not.” Loosely translated this means – don’t ever throw anything away because it just might be needed somewhere, somehow, sometime within the next millennium.
Eureka! We already have a place for this special-future-item. In goes the now-valuable-thing to nestle with the deviant items already in the drawer, and bang the sucker shut.
Then one day you open your Junk Drawer and because you have been super diligent about “out of sight” and “waste not,” you discover it’s as stuffed as a premier bleu cheese olive in a Martini indicating that it’s time … to have a drink and inventory your Junk Drawer.
Most notable among the items …
Book of matches “Murray’s Mau-Mau Lounge” – I don’t remember being there
One tube unopened sunscreen stamped “Use by 4/14/11”
Meat thermometer that reads 113 F … constantly
Kitchen timer … no longer goes “ding”
One scissor – whereabouts of other scissor unknown
Used toothbrush – bristles splayed as if on medieval rack
Tooth whitening strips – unused but suspiciously yellowed
Once cleaned, I toss a condom in my Junk Drawer hoping to curb the growth of junk as a result of “bumping in the night.”