Where Lost Fat Goes: A Modern Mystery

Small talk at a cocktail party?  It’s an art form.  After “Hi, how ya doin’?” what do you say?

Forget the senseless banter.

This tidbit guarantees you’ll be a treasured invitee.  You could even be an A-Lister – the person everyone wants at their next bash.

Here’s the secret.  At cocktail parties, everybody talks about diets and weight.  Who’s on what diet?  Who’s lost weight?  Or who’s gained weight?

But you can stop this blather in its tracks because everyone really wants to know what you know … “where does fat go?”

And you, A-Lister … you know where the fat goes.  Armed with this knowledge, you are the one everyone wants to hang with … so here’s the scoop on fat.

******************

We all know fat can’t just disappear.  That’s against some kind of esoteric Laws of Matter … and surely the laws in a lot of southern states.

Personally, I always thought fat hid in my closet blended in with my “fat clothes.”  You know … the ones we save for when we fall off the wagon again, and again, and again.

If you listen to weight loss commercials, a fulltime job, you’d think that we have to “burn fat” to get rid of it.

Watch those exercise crazies who practice that Tae Bo Kick Boxing stuff.  Once you’ve destroyed a heavyweight boxing bag that withstood the assaults of Rocky Balboa, you can walk or crawl off your floor and declare yourself a new person … without fat.

But the dude who really knows where your fat goes is an ex-pudge-guy, Ruben Meerman, an Australian surfing physicist and TV talk show guest de rigeuer.

Meerman discovered that fat ‘burned” by your body is converted to Carbon.  In every 10 pounds of “lost weight,” 8.6 pounds are exhaled from your body via your lungs as CO2 molecules.  The remaining 1.4 pounds exits your body via “waste water,” probably from the sweat and tears it takes to evict the fat in the first place.

Go lungs!

So, exhale deeply, me hearties, and feel the fat fly from your body … but not in my direction because I so don’t want your discarded fat atoms entering my lungs and I sure as hell don’t want to smell your bad breath.

And the next time you’re allowed out in public, corner your friends and dazzle them as you solve the amazing mystery of where fat goes – though they may be a little disappointed to learn there’s no Fat Fairy involved.

Just sayin’.

13 thoughts on “Where Lost Fat Goes: A Modern Mystery

  1. Yet another mystery of the universe explained. I’d say “thank you” but I’m too busy exhaling (between surreptitious spoonfuls of Ben & Jerry’s.) Hehehheheheeee!

    • Thanx, Tom … Be careful with B&Js … I hear they’re coming out with an ice cream that has the molecular construction of carbon so as you inhale it you automatically exhale fat and have a pressing desire to get a heavy bag for your Tae Bo work out.

      Just sayin’

  2. Okay, another mystery of the universe is solved. Meechum may be scientifically correct, but I still think among the reproducing hangers and disappearing shoes, a rather large round rubbery ball of fat is waiting for a chance to emerge once again and attach itself to my waist.

    Having sunk from the B-list to the D-list, I appreciate your help on this. With a little luck and a lot of science, I intend to move upward. Thanks.

    • Thanx for reading, Oops … You’re on of the luck 5% of the USA who is naturally fat free. I think your body is essential oils which makes you so slick fat can’t stick to or with you.

      That hypothesis stretches my science knowledge to its limits …

    • Okay Ella … Like me, our science background is less than spectacular. But we’re the ones that come up with the theories that fat does live in our discarded fat clothes and that there are Fat Fairies that can wave their magic fat reducing wands over us as we sleep and we arise in the AM with precious fewer pounds to haul around for the day.

      Long live creativity! Thanx for reading.

  3. I’m just thinkin’…From an ethical standpoint, perhaps Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers should disclose this to their customers.

  4. Hi Vi … thanx for checkin’ in … And here you go asking the “big question” about ethical behavior. You’re absolutely right, but I doubt that we’ll see the day when a for profit enterprise tells the whole truth about its product. What little “research” I did for this blog simply stated what we all know … activity, reduction in food intake, nets lost weight.

    I was just curious that we “lose pounds” which visually sets a scene for me and all we’re actually losing is molecules & atoms. But, that’s all we are anyway.

    I’m glad someone doesn’t tell me there are a humongous number of atoms in one pound of weight! easier to lose a pound than trillions of atoms.

  5. Well now you’ve gone and set up a whole generation of fat-burning scientists with a whole bunch of experiments.

    Is the weight loss via exhalation linear or logarithmic?

    Does talking MORE at a cocktail party increase the weight-reducing CO2, or does the fact that it’s mostly blowing hot air cancel it out?

    How many breaths does it take to lose 8.6 pounds? 10, 1,000, 1 million?

    Does political/sexual/fashion persuasion have any impact of the quality of CO2 exhalation?

    Has the increase in CO2 from climate change caused the planet to lose weight?

    Oy! The possibilities …

    • It’s an algorithm.

      Talking more at a cocktail party will cause you to lose more weight but not be invited back.

      7,896,383 exhales.

      I encourage you to re-read my blog, “Politically Correct, This!” Clearly you will not find an answer to your question, but I would gain one more “hit” on my blog for which I would be appreciative.

      That’s a really good question. I Googled weight loss earth and discovered that our planet has indeed lost weight. Scientists are not sure whether it’s because the earth itself is losing weight or the people populating earth are losing weight. Personally, I think it’s because earth has been busily involved in interplanetary Tae Bo Kick Boxing and has developed a “6 pack ab” somewhere near the Canary Islands. Just sayin’

  6. Hmmm, so if I gain ten pounds in the summer when it’s too damned hot to go outside and then I lose ten pounds in the autumn am I increasing my carbon “fat-print” on the Earth? I mean, isn’t it more Politically Correct to just keep the ten pounds to myself instead of expelling them into the universe like that? No wonder we’re having global warming, folks. Boycott Vogue, People and all the fashion designers who design for anorexic wanna-bes who wear size 8 or less. They are Baaaad People!! Now we know!! Those jutting shoulder blades are cutting the life of our planet short!!! Eat, you bitches!!

  7. Wow, PMartha … just what i wanted to see… another of your esoteric, witty and downright frightening observations on life. And the way you wove my previous blog “Politically Correct This!” into your comment is awe-filled.

    In the blogosphere, we call that a “two-fer” Plus, we get an attack on the skinny bitches at Vogue … wonderful work and I thank you for elevating the discussion of a piece of very important science!

    Thanx for reading. Now, return, please to your. Cheetos, Doritos and Fritos (That was a line of poetry!).

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