Can you believe it?
After 40 long years Kermit and Miss Piggy are no longer an item.
Do I hear someone whispering behind the sty, “You can’t put lipstick on a pig?” ABC, the new network in Muppet Land, knows this scandal will only get worse.
And if you effing believe that Kermit’s ex-pigfriend is ready to go oinkless into the night, then, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn I want to talk to you about.
Did Miss Piggy ever get a first name? Nooo! But, the new starlet pig escorted by the slimy green frog has a first name and it’s not Miss, Ms. or Mrs.
Kermit’s new flame, Denise, works at ABC. She’s a younger, slimmer pig with seductive almond eyes, and the TV execs want us to believe that all’s well as Kermit parades around the sets with his new sowfriend preparing for next season’s “docu-series.” What pond scum!!
Forty years is a long-term relationship whether you’re actual humans or fuzzy Muppets created for the educational entertainment of kids and adults with the brains of kids. A Hollywood break-up after 40 years deserves more than a blog post or two.
The Kardashians, all of them, get more press when they blink their eyes. And it’s for-damn-sure they’ll never appear on PBS, NPR or any other educational station.
Miss Piggy’s the Liz Taylor of Swinedom and Kermit, well, to keep the analogy going, is the Richard Burton of non-prince Frogdom. All the times this romantic duo kissed, Kermit never once poofed into a Prince Charming.
Did Miss Piggy just not have that special “it?”
Or,is it finally a proven fact that Kermit, after all is said and done, is just a nasty frog … and I’m not making a non-PC reference to our French allies.
I beg you, Miss Peggy, fight for your self respect. Take on the mantle of “bayou frog gigger” and go after that cold blooded amphibian Kermit. Don’t let the little green ribbit-er get away with hopping around town with his younger, slimmer version of a Love Pork Chop!
Don’t crawl back to the sty and take this wallowing around. Spare not a rib. Gird up your loins. This is no picnic. We’re talking a WWE style bare pig knuckles fight to the death!