Pope Rumbles with Congress

NEWS FLASH!  John Boehner to launch Pope Francis’ address to congress next week with a massive bang!

Michael Buffer, World Wrestling Entertainment announcer extraordinaire, will issue the call to order:  “Let’s Get Ready to Rum-m-m-mble!”

The minute the Pope’s visit was announced, GOP salvos were launched, conservative pundits sniped, and Republican presidential candidates weighed-in.

WARNING TO POPE:  Stay out of our climate, economy, social welfare, medical delivery systems, and politics.

But, no one asked the critical question: “WWJD?  What Would Jesus Do?”

Jesus kicked some serious political butt and Pope Francis steps lightly in those eternal foot prints.  Just as Jesus had the Jewish political structure quaking in its sandals … Francis is creating serious stomach flips in our political hierarchy.

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Where Jesus confronted the money changers, Francis speaks out against unfettered capitalism.

While Jesus mingled with the woebegone … think Mary Magdalene … Francis unabashedly calls for action to save the poverty stricken and washes their feet.

Whether or not you’re Christian, you’ve got to give Francis credit for walking the walk and talking the talk.  There’s powerful Juju in the guy!

Current Vegas odds covering the Pope’s visit run 5:1, that:

More Republicans than Dems leave the chamber with agita

 More Representatives than Senators yell something ungodly while His Holiness speaks

 More Senators than the House members peek during the Pontif’s opening prayer

 The Pope’s message no doubt will cause some serious seat squirming.

Catholic Candidate-in-Chief, Rick Santorum won’t be in attendance.  A Senate loser and soon to be Presidential loser, he’ll escape a face-to-face scolding for calling Francis a “Know-Nothing” about the science of global warming.

Earth to Rick, the Pope holds a Master’s Degree in chemistry and understands 8th grade Earth Science.

Jeb!, another Pope Lecturer-in-Chief won’t be there either.  Jeb!, in all his budgetary wisdom, won’t seek economic advice from his priest or the Pope.  Francis says that He won’t rely on Jeb! for tax advice on the 1%, or the failures of unfettered capitalism and trickle down economics.

Odds on favorite for the biggest squirmer in the House, is John Boehner.  He masterminded the Pope’s visit and is clinging to his Speaker’s Butt by the narrowest of margins.  I can see the post-session headline now:

Speaker Boehner Loses Seat after Francis’ Visit … Hostile Tea Party Evangelicals Oust Speaker.  Boehner Licks Wounds in Ohio.  No Longer 85% in Disarray, GOP House Members Proudly Declare 100% Dysfunction.”

Amen to that, Brother.

Just sayin’.

19 thoughts on “Pope Rumbles with Congress

  1. You know that with all the political crappola going on nobody mentions Boehner anymore….is he still in charge of something. Rumor going around that he’s Trump/s ‘bastard love child from the Donald was busy evading the draft??? could be!

    Thanks for reminding me how boring this all is (politics not your column!!)… of course when you factor in the fate of the free world.. and the world in general…. but I digress Good job! Yet again!

    • Michael, thanks for reading and commenting … Yes, i did read in “The Daily Planet,” Perry White editor, that The Donald did indeed father a bastard child and he is John Boehner! Good of you to note that factoid.

      Anytime I think politics is boring, I watch Fox Non-News for 15 minutes. Great entertainment but you really should get at least a fact or two before going on the air!

      Appreciate your support.

      • Hmmm, Boehner and Trump do both have red faces and squinchy eyes, don’t they? So hard to imagine this day now. When i was a child everyone I knew revered the Pope. My Baptist relatives sat with my Catholic ones after Sunday dinners at my Catholic Aunt Gaga’s, me stretched out on the bench with my head in Gaga’s lap, stuffed full of fried oysters and home-made German sauerkraut, and listened to 5 o’clock mass, Cardinal Cushing. No one felt threatened, and I believe all of us felt peaceful. I am so happy Pope Francis went to Cuba. That makes my heart sing.

  2. Alas, Monsignor Huss, ya left out the main player in Republican politics these day….Fox News.

    I can’t wait to hear how Fox will react to this hispanic Catholic who wasn’t born in this country and doesn’t carry a handgun with him wherever he goes…..but with enough vodka I’ll bet it’ll be (almost) as funny as your column! Bless ya!

    • Tom … Thanx for the religious title and for reading my sacrilegious shit.

      Fox News is a misnomer … Fox Rumor Promo Center would be more believable.

      Alas, the Pope probably will be one of the few Latinos who will be walking the streets of Philly without a fully automatic machine-pistol tucked under his tunic!

      Maybe a good Sci-Fi movie promo … Armageddon type movie … Visualize the Pope with his tunic flowing , skull cap askew … bandarillos crossing his chest and a .50 cal weapon tucked against his hip mowing down sinners! Do you have Spielberg’s phone number?

      Now off to the vodka drawer, limes in another drawer and ice in my freezer drawer.

    • I do not know where in hell ya been, bro, but Fox News is headed up by a graduate of Notre Dame!!! Bill O’Reilly can be pretty fair and square on some things, and what people don’t realize is that his apparent ultra-ignorant poses give a platform for those he invites on to challenge him. It’s a way to get the uneducated to at least listen to opposing viewpoints. After all, they ain’t gonna go listen to Rachel Maddow, are they? And lots of them have never heard of BBC. O’ Reilly is no ashole, folks. He knows what he’s doing. Rick Santorum, on the other hand? He’s a true asshole. So, there.

      • PMartha … Thanx for tuning in.

        We’re in disagreement, however, about the value of Fox News in general re: presentation of opposing views. Roger Ailes, head of Fox News may be a ND grad, but if you read about him you’ll find that he’s really a scurrilous creature. I’m sure ND has grads that are less than laudatory for who they are and what they’ve done … in spite of their intelligence.

        As far as bona fide a-holes are concerned, we are in agreement that Rick Santorum meets the requisites.

        Thanx for reading and commenting …

        • I was referring to Bill O’Reilly. What I do despise about Fox is the tendency to denigrate Muslims rather than to educate the public about the difference between Islam as a faith and Islamic Extremism and Violence as an ideology. But, hey, our President won’t even use the term “Islamist Terrorism!!” so who is being dishonest here in a case that really matters worldwide? Not Obama, that’s for certain. (Oh, Dear God, please forbid one of these assholes becoming our “leader,” as if it, as we approach the end, really damned matters anymore!) Heading for my vodka, too!

  3. Well, you did it again – You should have your column go to all of the major publications and a copy to every senator and congressman.
    Brilliant Richard.
    I understand the Gospels better after reading your work.

  4. Good Man, Oops … I purposely did not use quotes or italics with “joint session” wondering if anyone would pick up on it! Down comes the Groucho duck (quack, quack) and you win $25. Check your mail box daily … the check’s in the mail!

    My guess is the number of Cardinals who are tokers is reasonably “high.” just sayin’

    Thanx for reading!

      • All the priests in New Orleans were the ones to drink the most red wine at all my family weddings. It was a hoot!! At my cousin’s wedding, the Father led the Bunny Hop. (I was second, ahead of the bride, of course! So much fun!).

        • Sorry, my mind must have been in the gutter when I thought I heard you singing “One toke over the line, sweet Jesus.”

          Oh, now I know what you meant by a “joint session” – it’s what as 12 year-olds we called a “circle jerk.” Think the Pope has been getting his licks in lately?

    • All I know is this. I used to do some pick-up shifts at a Catholic Hospital. It was there that I discovered where I want to be if I’m dying of a severely painful disease someday. The usage of pain relief there was astonishingly superior to what I’d seen in tertiary care university associated hospitals. And Europe is far more accommodating to suffering patients, as a rule, than we are. Kill Puritanism and re-establish a little civilization in this place we live in, eh?

  5. PMartha … I think you’re right …

    The Puritans probably did not smoke weed in their pipes even though Squanto and few of the savages may have had some wacky tabbacky in their Native American pipes. The savages also danced and the Puritans didn’t.

  6. I love good writing!
    Thanks for beginning my fall with humor…so difficult for me to even remember how to tell a good joke.
    I was only at FPC the first two years but I loved having the January quarter off. If you ever “make it” as a writer let me know. I have a friend who would love this too.
    Maggie

  7. Maggie … Thanx for reading my stuff and for your kind words. I’m having a blast with this and glad you appreciate it.

    By all means, share my site to your friend(s) … note the plural.

    Hope you’ve had the chance to read my Flash Fiction and my other writing on my website. BTW … the recipes are tried and true … I’ve had several responses to them as well as the accompanying stories.

    Thanks for commenting … writing is a solitary art and your comments help me feel good about what I’m doing.

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