Guns, guns and more guns … If I hear one more piece of insane rhetoric about guns, I think I’ll shoot myself!
My favorite justification for not controlling guns goes something like this, “Hammers kill people. Should we control hammers?”
So help me with this.
We already control cars, seat belts and child restraint seats. We place warning labels on cigarettes, beer and liquor. We blunted the tips of scissors when we realized it was impossible to stop kids from “running with scissors.”
The anti-gun control arguments about having to control hammers if we control guns got me thinking about all the other “objects that kill” that we’d have to control.
Cheese kills people. It’s a fact.
Issue a cease and desist order to the Green Bay Packers. Stop their fans from wearing those incredibly ugly “cheese heads.” A block of cheese placed right next to people’s brains, including children, undoubtedly influences them to eat more cheese. And we all know cheese is on the verboten list for health foods.
Ban the Cheese Heads. Cheese = Cholesterol = Heart Attacks.
Ice picks kill people, especially in the hands of serial killers.
I’ve read several novels that featured death from ice picks wielded by calculating stone-cold killers. Yet, I can walk into any Ace Hardware and pluck one right off the rack … made in China of course.
No one uses blocks of ice anymore. When’s the last time you saw a crazy person repeatedly and furiously stabbing at the chemical cold-packs in an Igloo cooler?
Ice picks are clearly deadly weapons. Ice Picks + Crazy People = Death.
Fruits, especially apples, kill people.
Apples should sport a skull and cross bones sticker, warning that the fruit of Eden should be eaten under close supervision, removed from the core, and cut into small pieces. If not, the eater runs the risk of choking to death.
No more mouth watering bites from a fresh picked apple. Better to cook it down into unrecognizable mush to minimize risk!
Danger, this Apple may kill you. Apple Bites + Bobbing Uvula = Death.
Wow … No wonder we can’t come to grips with reasonable efforts to control guns. If we tried to establish reasonable controls over every object that kills us, think of the legislative work our poor Congress would face … These are the same folks who’re making the election of a new Speaker akin to parting the Red Sea.
I say, focus on controlling objects, which with just a flick of the finger, can kill huge numbers of people in seconds. I’ll run the risk of leaving hammers, cheese, ice picks, and apples to their own devices.