Road rage may soon exist only in our rear view mirrors … a behavior we had to leave behind not because we’ve become a kinder gentler nation, but because we’ve been kicked out of the driver’s seat.
The future is here and it’s the auto-drive auto … and damned if we know what to do about it.
How will we maintain our addiction to vengeful and rewarding highway yell-fests? Where will all our misplaced road rage go?
New Release! Coming to Theaters Soon! “Not Quite so Fast and Furious XXXVIII – Auto-Drive!”
Yep … auto-drive cars are coming soon to roads near you and the implications are giganto!
Job impact? Upstart Uber who just got a foothold in the taxi industry may be kaput? What about all the useless chauffeurs and bus drivers? BTW … with no Driver’s Ed, what course will high school football coaches teach?
We’ll have to reduce police forces by at least 10% … no more speed trap towns like Starke, Waldo and Yulee … Oops, up go the real estate taxes!
And what happens to all the liability lawyers? Will Morgan and Morgan (and junior Morgans) be reduced to just “Morgan … for the People?” Hey … If two driverless cars have an “accident,” did an “accident” actually occur?
For couples, the impact will be humongous! Backseat driving will go the way of “how to squeeze the metal toothpaste tube” as a source of endless gender squabbles.
Who wants to nag a computer? “Did you use your turn indicator?” will become a phrase that’s as dead as Latin.
The ramifications are endless.
But, as with all great innovations, there will be speed bumps along the way. Rumor has it that the auto-car drives like your “grandmother.” Oh, no not her!
Some of the test drivers got so bored with going the speed limit and slowing down before the last possible second that they actually went into “Driver Withdrawal.”
They reportedly missed tailgating and jumping the green light. Without psychological support groups could they fall victim to hallucinating hellish highway scenes from Mel Gibson’s “Mad Max” movies?
Never fear … we can count on the youth of America. It won’t be long before some tech-savvy teenager hacks the cars’ computers and creates a “rogue auto muscle car” on steroids.