War: Cliché and Bumper Sticker Style

Name the war and we’ve had a sound bite to power us into battle.

1776 … “Don’t fire ‘til you see the whites of their eyes.”

1812 … “Don’t give up the ship.”

1864 … “Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead.”

Sounds like bumper stickers to me, though the first one wasn’t slapped on a bumper until the 1940s.  But recent ISIS attacks have given new meaning to cliché driven drivel.


The Donald … “Bomb the S**t out of ‘em.”  That’s been repeated ad nauseum so it must’ve struck a very loud red meat chord.

Paul Ryan … “It’s better to be safe than to be sorry.”  When asked what he meant, his response was, “We’ve assembled a Task Force to determine that.”


JEB … “You take it to them in Syria and Iraq.”  Didn’t we already do that under the leadership of your older, wiser brother?  At least in Iraq?

Rubio and Carson, “We need a coalition of all the Arab states and our allies.”  I can hear President Obama and his Joint Chiefs looking aghast at each other, saying, “Gosh darn it!  Why didn’t we think of that?”

John Kasich thinks we need to create a Radio Free Europe style of campaign in the Middle East promoting the Judaeo-Christian values of the West to combat the ISIS recruitment war.”

Say what?

To turn his idea into a capitalist opportunity for the Energizer Battery folks, John K. would probably carpet bomb the Middle East with portable radios loaded with AA Energizers … you know, the batteries powered by the obnoxious Pink Rabbit that never stops beating its drum.

Are we “Leading from behind?” Do we really think “The destruction of ISIS is not part of our plan?”  And do we think the idea of “Boots on the ground” or “No boots on the ground” hasn’t been discussed by the Joint Chiefs?

Come on, guys!  Up your game!  Come up with something a little more novel … something that Lindsay Graham won’t dismiss as nothing but a retread of the Crusades.

Just sayin.’

It’s War

Now you’ve done it Starbucks … You’ve dumped us right back into another effing war.  A war that makes us realize there are only 40 shopping days left before Christmas.

Just what was the covert op pulled off by Starbucks, the instigator of this latest international skirmish?

They had the audacity to stop putting snowflakes, snowmen, ornaments, mistletoe, and not to mention a reindeer, on their holiday cups to try and squelch our thirst for the Christmas Spirit with … OMG, a plain red cup.

Hmmm, coupled with their green logo, in a minimalist kind of way, the cup actually looks quite “Christmassy.”  So, what’s the big deal?


The Twitter-sphere is totally a-tweet with emotional effluvia accusing Starbucks of waging a “War on Christmas.”

The outcry from Congress, the media, and at least one GOP presidential candidate, was swift, loud and apocalyptic.

Trump bellowed that when he’s the President, “We’ll all be saying Merry Christmas again.”

Hey … not for nothing, but I’ve never seen a crèche, Jesus, the Magi … no angels, not even farm animals on Starbucks’ cups.  Yes, there was a reindeer one season, but to date there is no forensic evidence that a reindeer was ever a member of the official Christmas family.

The Donald also called for a Starbucks boycott.  Yeh, like that’ll ever happen … Imagine millions of Americans going without their double-mocha-cinnamon-latte.

“Pardon me – I’ll take that in a Venti, please.  Oh no … wait.  We’re at war.  Cancel that.  I’ll do without.”

So what do you think?  Are we overreacting to Starbucks?  Is this another step on the pathway to a Jesus-less birthday party …   another push toward the continued secularization of our country?

We can’t stand meekly in line while this caffeine factory herds us like a bunch of manger animals.  We’ve got to unite!  Force them to put their secular Christmas decor back on our Cup of Freedom.

We need T-shirts that change the “b” in Starbucks to and “f,” driving our demands home … hard and fast.

This is America!  We can’t allow this heartless, soulless corporation to steal our Christmas cups.

Just sayin’.


Waaa, Waaa, Waaa!

Monkey see … monkey do.

Aping The Donald’s success of leading by whining, the GOP presidential candidates initiated their first ever Whine-In 2015, AKA, The Fantabulous Waaa-Waaa-Waaa!

Instigated by mild mannered Dr. Ben Carson … no not Dr. Ben Casey … all the candidates except Carly Fear-arena were represented in the group’s cry-baby-a-thon, a collective whine about how abusively they were treated by the mean and nasty CNBC moderators.

Everything from “gottcha hard” questions to inadequate bathroom breaks was up for a whine.  The pseudo-adults in that back room sounded like a gaggle of jacked-up, sugar crazed, cranky, tired, and hungry pre-schoolers.

Without an invasion of personal privacy, we can’t really do anything about the bathroom breaks.  But we can throw the whiners “a security blanket” to handle those “gosh darn hard questions.”

Fortunately, I discovered a “Congressional Easy Question Think Tank” which meets weekly at a local pub.  In an emergency session, a few EQs (Easy Questions) were composed which will be forwarded to debate planners:

(1)  When Vladimir Putin calls you a weakling and kicks sand in your face, should you suggest to him that in the future you meet where there is no sand?

(2)  If Democrats vote against any of your proposed Bills, would you put them in time-out, deny them recess time, or take away their afternoon snack?

(3)  Do you want to repeal Obama Care without having to think up a replacement program? In other words, just reinstitute the old program – medical care no one can receive, or be eligible for, or afford if they needed it?

(4)  Since ratings of Congress are at an all time low and nothing is ever accomplished, what do you think about instituting the Congressional Marco Rubio Plan – a 50% cut in the time congressional members are required to be in D.C.?

With help from experts, candidates may research these questions ahead of the debate.  If they’re asked for extemporaneous clarification during the debate, they may call a “lifeline designate,” probably their chosen Billionaire Sponsor, to handle the toughie rebuttal.

As an alternative, any candidate may simply state, “I agree with candidate ________,” and then use the allotted time to talk about whatever he/she wants.

It doesn’t get any easier than that.

Just sayin’.