Monkey see … monkey do.
Aping The Donald’s success of leading by whining, the GOP presidential candidates initiated their first ever Whine-In 2015, AKA, The Fantabulous Waaa-Waaa-Waaa!
Instigated by mild mannered Dr. Ben Carson … no not Dr. Ben Casey … all the candidates except Carly Fear-arena were represented in the group’s cry-baby-a-thon, a collective whine about how abusively they were treated by the mean and nasty CNBC moderators.
Everything from “gottcha hard” questions to inadequate bathroom breaks was up for a whine. The pseudo-adults in that back room sounded like a gaggle of jacked-up, sugar crazed, cranky, tired, and hungry pre-schoolers.
Without an invasion of personal privacy, we can’t really do anything about the bathroom breaks. But we can throw the whiners “a security blanket” to handle those “gosh darn hard questions.”
Fortunately, I discovered a “Congressional Easy Question Think Tank” which meets weekly at a local pub. In an emergency session, a few EQs (Easy Questions) were composed which will be forwarded to debate planners:
(1) When Vladimir Putin calls you a weakling and kicks sand in your face, should you suggest to him that in the future you meet where there is no sand?
(2) If Democrats vote against any of your proposed Bills, would you put them in time-out, deny them recess time, or take away their afternoon snack?
(3) Do you want to repeal Obama Care without having to think up a replacement program? In other words, just reinstitute the old program – medical care no one can receive, or be eligible for, or afford if they needed it?
(4) Since ratings of Congress are at an all time low and nothing is ever accomplished, what do you think about instituting the Congressional Marco Rubio Plan – a 50% cut in the time congressional members are required to be in D.C.?
With help from experts, candidates may research these questions ahead of the debate. If they’re asked for extemporaneous clarification during the debate, they may call a “lifeline designate,” probably their chosen Billionaire Sponsor, to handle the toughie rebuttal.
As an alternative, any candidate may simply state, “I agree with candidate ________,” and then use the allotted time to talk about whatever he/she wants.
It doesn’t get any easier than that.