More trouble in the GOP’s “Race-to-the-Bottom” Presidential Primary …
As if sorting through racial slurs, xenophobic rhetoric and opponent bashing weren’t enough, now some Bozos have analyzed the field’s diet and personal health habits.
Talk about confusing the situation … this takes the cake … Arrgh, who said that?
When asked about his personal health and diet, The Donald first blustered that …
he was in perfect health and the voters would just have to take his word for it.
But then relenting three hours later, he tweeted that his doctor would issue a full report … “It will show perfection.”
Trump declared that he’s a meat and potatoes guy … no surprise there. The meat’s steak … well done. The veggies are French fries, making him the “real man” his base demands.
Then you got the Doc … Ben Carson, a vegetarian endorsed by a vegetarian GOP group. Long live frozen peas and carrots!
Some of us think Ben’s only chance will be to register farm animals to vote. It’s rumored they all love him. You can bet Carson won’t win the endorsement of the Beef Association … or the pork belly bacon folks or rabbit raisers … much less the sheep f**kers and chicken pluckers.
The heavy weight in the contest is Chris “Jersey-Mad-Dog” Christie. He still looks like the “Round Mound Man,” even after his lap-band surgery and loss of over 100 pounds. I’m sorry, but the man must have a hot and heavy love affair with pizza and pasta.
The Right Reverend Huckabee has two “food books” under his belt (aargh again!) … the 2005 “Quit Digging Your Grave with a Knife and Fork,” and his most recent, “God, Guns, Grits and Gravy.” He’s also the guy known for frying up squirrel in his popcorn popper. What class!
And who can forget Ted “They-Really-Do-Hate-Me-in-the-Senate” Cruz. His favorite is bacon fried on the red hot barrel of an AK47 as he smokes a silhouette target of a Jihadist, then un-wraps his pig-fat strip and slurps it down.
But … the most serious guy about this health and diet issue is the bland man … JEB!
Rumor has it he’s lost 40 pounds, but not gained 40 percentage points, while on Paleo. The Paleo, AKA “the rich guy’s diet,” is an expensive way to lose weight. Don’t fret … Barbara’s boy can afford it.
But … screw all this comparative diet crap.
While slogging through the primaries, all were spotted chomping pork chops on a stick, fried dough thingies, bacon wrapped anything, and whatever was cold, dripping down the sides of a cone.
With no clear winner, I guess they’ll just eat their way into the voters’ hearts.