The “Man-i-fication” of Marco

OMG … It’s “Bootgahzi.”  Marco’s cheesy $139 slick Florshiem ankle boots sparked a media frenzy over this smooth talking sleek walking South Beach presidential candidate.

Party insiders cringed.

It was as if Marco had strolled into his beloved Miami Dolphins’ locker room sporting a furry pink jockstrap and shouted, “Are you ready for some football?”

An even bloodier scenario emerged courtesy of fellow candidate Chris Christie:  Hillary’s soft manicured left hand rests on Marco’s choirboy head while her wolverine clawed right hand rips his heart out.

Marco’s campaign team, completely terrified by his shrinking prospects, immediately huddled-up to “Manify Marco!”

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First – Arm SOFLA’s Latin Lover.  On Xmas Eve Marco bought a handgun, according to him, to fight against ISIS.  Check – Gun lover!

Second – Get Marco some “football chops.”  Photos and video of Marco flipping a football.  He’s already married to an ex-Miami Dolphin cheerleader.  Check – Football chops!

Third – Show Marco delivering “red meat” to the GOP base.  He’s promised that all Terrorists “will get a one way ticket to Gitmo” and he plans to “get them to tell us everything they know.”  Break out the buckets and dust off the waterboards!  Check – Red meat!

But what about the machismo “Celeb Endorsements?”

Ted Cruz hammered Marco when he beat him to the premier Duck Dynasty endorser, Duck patriarch, Phil Robertson.

Taking Cruz’s endorsement challenge, The Donald plunged feet first into the celebrity pool and surfaced with Mama Grizzly Palin on one arm and Duck Dynasty’s CEO Willie Robertson, son of Phil, on the other.

Not to be left sucking testosterone fumes, rumors have Marco’s people blitzing Clint Eastwood for another go-round with Mitt Romney’s empty chair!

Terrified GOP leaders are panicked there’s no “Establishment” backup for Marco.

JEB!’s sidelined.  Been out of the game so long he’s calcified.  Christie’s only shot is to lure Hillary into a winner-take-all Summo wrestling match.  Fat chance of that happening!

So the GOP’s last best hope is to “Make a Man outta Marco,” which by the way is their 2016 bumper sticker.  Their campaign’s “fight song?”  You guessed it, “Macho, Macho Man!”

Just to be safe, Marco might want to get some “tatts, too!”  Body ink oozes manly!

Just sayin.

14 thoughts on “The “Man-i-fication” of Marco

  1. Non-tax-deductible donations to the “Keep-Richard-Away-From-Televised-Election-Reports-For-the-Next-Few-Months-Fund” (along with gallon-sized bottles of premium vodka, Prada and Jimmy Choo shoes, Louis Vuitton and Hermes handbags, and one-way First Class tickets to Monaco, Paris and St.Tropez) should be sent to his long-suffering bride, Marie, care of The Seriously Absurd Spouse Survivors Network of Central Florida.

    (Hey! We only get these ramblings in our email boxes once a week. She LIVES with them!)

    • Good one, Tom, but, hey, we ranters have to stick together! However, whereas I don’t have any Jimmy Choo shoes, I am packing up my Dooney and Bourke mustard colored handbag to ad a little spice to our favorite journalist’s outfits, you know, a “man-purse” a murse from that nurse he knows who is crazy as a Maine Loon.

    • Great idea Tom, but I think Mari has learned how to let Richard be Richard while maintaining her own sanity – now there’s a blog topic to explore for sure!

    • Hey Tom … Thanks for reading … I don’t have to reply … My “surrogates” are doing that for me!

      Thanks for your support …

  2. Richard, you think you have it rough with your boy Rubio. In Wisconsin we have to put up with little Scotty Walker – He is totally gutting our clean, wonderful, progressive state. Now the SOB is thinking of running for a third time.
    Scandal is about to defeat Trumper Boy – And all we will be left is Hillary. Is she the best this land of three hundred million can produce?

    • Michael … Thanks for tuning in … I appreciate it.

      You guys thought you were getting rid of Walker ’til he saw the sky writing over New Hampshire and Iowa!

      Sorry he’s back ruining your fine state.

      As for Hillary, Bill was good and behind every good man is a gooder wo-man! Yes … she is good and she is a winner.

      You can always look for Carly to be your female role model … Just sayin’

  3. Hillary may be the only choice, but if you’re able, register Republican for now and vote for Trump in the Republican primary, then you can switch back b-4 election. Trump won’t beat Hillary, but Cruz perhaps could, so Trump is the nominee, preferably, for her to defeat.
    I keep wondering why all the brilliant folks I know from all my years in academia are still not politicians!

  4. Richard, thank you for doing this so we don’t have to. I have had to dial back my political input because of the blood pressure. Just can’t…
    jeanne

    • Jeanne … Thanks for the support and for reading this drivel!

      I refuse to take BP drugs … That’s why I post this blog every week …

      After each posting, I sit back, slam down a vodka and say, “Take that ‘Pharmaceutical America.’ I whipped your ass another week!”

      Thanks for your support!

  5. Richard … step away from the screen, walk towards the sunshine (or maybe moonshine) and drink in the air, take the dog for a walk, count to … well, a lot!

  6. Michael … Thanks for reading … Believe it or not, this is after “stepping away from the screen.”

    I walk Rani, our Standard Poodle (Who, BTW, is way smarter Than I.) every day and on my best days, I can remember to count all the way to ten.

    Sorry, Old Bean … but this is just gonna get better and better … I can’t wait for Bloomberg to jump into the deep end of the pool!

    • i’M RIGHT HERE WITH YA, BABY! Now, we have to get Bloomburg, unless maybe Trump takes New Hampshire. My b/p rises more if I don’t know what is going on in hell )positioning of words there, intentional, as I’m sure you realize.)

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