OMG … It’s “Bootgahzi.” Marco’s cheesy $139 slick Florshiem ankle boots sparked a media frenzy over this smooth talking sleek walking South Beach presidential candidate.
Party insiders cringed.
It was as if Marco had strolled into his beloved Miami Dolphins’ locker room sporting a furry pink jockstrap and shouted, “Are you ready for some football?”
An even bloodier scenario emerged courtesy of fellow candidate Chris Christie: Hillary’s soft manicured left hand rests on Marco’s choirboy head while her wolverine clawed right hand rips his heart out.
Marco’s campaign team, completely terrified by his shrinking prospects, immediately huddled-up to “Manify Marco!”
First – Arm SOFLA’s Latin Lover. On Xmas Eve Marco bought a handgun, according to him, to fight against ISIS. Check – Gun lover!
Second – Get Marco some “football chops.” Photos and video of Marco flipping a football. He’s already married to an ex-Miami Dolphin cheerleader. Check – Football chops!
Third – Show Marco delivering “red meat” to the GOP base. He’s promised that all Terrorists “will get a one way ticket to Gitmo” and he plans to “get them to tell us everything they know.” Break out the buckets and dust off the waterboards! Check – Red meat!
But what about the machismo “Celeb Endorsements?”
Ted Cruz hammered Marco when he beat him to the premier Duck Dynasty endorser, Duck patriarch, Phil Robertson.
Taking Cruz’s endorsement challenge, The Donald plunged feet first into the celebrity pool and surfaced with Mama Grizzly Palin on one arm and Duck Dynasty’s CEO Willie Robertson, son of Phil, on the other.
Not to be left sucking testosterone fumes, rumors have Marco’s people blitzing Clint Eastwood for another go-round with Mitt Romney’s empty chair!
Terrified GOP leaders are panicked there’s no “Establishment” backup for Marco.
JEB!’s sidelined. Been out of the game so long he’s calcified. Christie’s only shot is to lure Hillary into a winner-take-all Summo wrestling match. Fat chance of that happening!
So the GOP’s last best hope is to “Make a Man outta Marco,” which by the way is their 2016 bumper sticker. Their campaign’s “fight song?” You guessed it, “Macho, Macho Man!”
Just to be safe, Marco might want to get some “tatts, too!” Body ink oozes manly!