It’s all over. Done and done. Finished.
The ultimate outsourcing has begun. Not here in the US with our dog-eat-dog corporations, but in China! Yes, China.
The Chinese government’s outsourced the oldest job in the history of the world!
Hold on to your testicles all you young bulls sunning out in the pasture. Wipe those s**t eating grins off your cuds.
You’re about to feel the knife of massive reductions in force.
You’re literally being “put out to pasture.” Your lower foreshank’s been measured for that “good service” gold watch. Yes … you, Mr. Symbol of raw sexual power. You, Mr. Merrill Lynch logo. You, Mr. Ferdinand, “el Toro” of Kiddie Lit fame.
Don’t let the barn door smack you on your “rump roast” on the way out.
You’re all facing the chopping block as the stud of choice for China’s best and most beautiful heifers.
The snorts of your rutting have been silenced by the clinking of laboratory equipment. Science marches on and you’ve been replaced by cloning!
Leave it to the Chinese to move commercial cloning into a vast government plan. In China, you want beef? We’ll manufacture beef … bingo.
None of the hit-and-miss of Brutus-mounting-Bossie … or waiting years for a mature set of functioning bull balls to drop. Not even the messiness of artificial insemination.
We’re going to grab a cell here, squirt it into an egg there, plant it in the uterus of a nearby surrogate heifer … which by the way needs no contract, payment, benefits or a lawyer … and voila, nine months later out pops a calf.
And miracle of miracles … it’s a genetically selected calf that will grow faster, be heavier, and consume less feed.
Why this sudden interest in beef as opposed to the traditional bird’s nest soup, won tons, rats, and shark fins?
It’s the westernization of Chinese life styles and the creep, creep, creep of capitalism into their economy. It’s a sure bet that China’s new young socialites covet beef as much as they do “Beemers.”
China’s going through its own, “Where’s the beef,” beef. Budding capitalists want their beef now!
But not to worry … another Tienanmen Square embarrassment’s not on the horizon. In just four short years the government’s giant clone farm in Tianjin will be pumping out one million cloned cows a year.
That’s a heluva herd, no bull.