After years of thinking that beer and Fritos were the cornerstone of my low salt diet, I’ve seen the light. No, literally. I almost met the Grim Reaper up close and personal.
Now, I’ve deep-sixed the beer except for the occasional “Suds-up Attack.”
I eat French fries only in the presence of my wife who under my meanest baleful stare, scoops up half my fries and moves them to the nether reaches of the table.
I truly don’t give a s**t about the next bizarre creation by those aged hippies, Ben & Jerry.
And I’ve come very close to lusting after Brussels sprouts, asparagus and Bok Choy.
But, I have to tell you I haven’t shed a single tear over the epic takedown of the Godzilla of all super foods … kale.
“What?” you say. “They’re f**king with my kale?” That’s a big 10-4, little buddy.
While you’re reading this, go fix yourself another good-for-you-super-delicious Vita Mixer full of kale. Have another Kale Smoothie, sucker!
Thallium … Ever hear of thallium? It’s a toxic heavy metal found, you betcha, in kale leaves.
Frequent Smoothie Flyers are landing in the doctor’s office with persistent but elusive health complaints. Everything from chronic fatigue to fuzzy thinking.
And it’s been traced back to your kale leaves packed with thallium and then packed in your Vita Mixer.
Super food just became superman’s kryptonite!
Or, better yet … pull up to the window at a Mickey D in SoCal or Canada. Yeah, I know – it’s a hike if you live in Florida – and order their new chopped kale salad, the “Keep Calm, Caesar On.”
But Kale-mageddon doesn’t stop there. Add the Asiago dressing to the crispy chicken version of your “Kale, Caesar,” and you’ve got more calories in your crappy little bowl than you do in Canada’s pride – the Double Big Mac – a four patty burger monstrosity on a bun.
Hmmm … salad with possibly one chopped kale leaf – 730 calories, 1,400 milligrams of salt, and 53 grams of fat. Or, the Double Big Mac weighing in at a paltry 680 calories and 38 grams of fat.
I’ll, “Back away from the kale.”
Then I’ll head out for my old favorites … Krispy Kreme at a measly 168 calories per doughnut followed by a romp through Publix to grab a brick of that super delish Velveeta and a six pack of Heineken.