Goldfish Sushi

goldfish_sushi_by_kyrraI haven’t gone “crackers” on you.  And no, I’m not eating Goldfish Crackers with … or as my sushi.

But there are honest-to-god-no-fingers-crossed restaurants where goldfish sushi tops the menu as the new, hot, go-to item.

You mean there are coldstone Ginsu knife-flipping-sushi chefs who slip my guppy between rice and seaweed as their trendy morsel?

Yesiree … they sure as Donald Trump hyperbolates, do.

So keep that little sucker alive within the walls of your humble fish bowl as long as you can.  You may own a goldfish gold mine.

******************

If you’ve flushed that golden treasure down the toilet into the Michigan waterways, then you probably were a source for this monumental new wave of sushi … and thanks to some adventurous chefs in urban areas, the “Golden Carp Market” has burgeoned.

Western Lake Erie has emerged as the new Mecca for “Golden Carp,” aka the goldfish, and it’s got Michigan’s Lake Erie fishermen all smiling … at 2-3 pounds per carp there’s “a lotta gold in them thar muddy waters.”

*******************************

So far, the goldfish industry has been flying under the radar of the local PETA chapter.  You remember them … the folks who throw themselves over the hood of a parked car if Fido’s in it, but walk past the one with the toddler locked in the back seat.

There’s no question that PETA will try to put a stop to this nonsense.  Eating kids’ pet fish?  Save the Carp!

It doesn’t matter that the effing fish has been in Lake Erie for over 40 years, and until recently, was considered a nuisance.

**************************

Wild and crazy rumors ride the waves inside Disney Studios about two new feature length movies.

One working title, “Free Goldie,” will reunite the stars of the mega hit, “Free Willy.”  Hunched at their computers, Disney animators are busy as a school of bait fish chased by sharks designing scenes for a new feature length animation, “The Littlest Goldfish.”

Management has already warned the “Imagineers” and script writers … it’s zero tolerance for gratuitous sexual innuendo or protruding body parts.

*******************

SeaWorld’s investors smiled for the first time in years.  The theme park plans to replace their Orcas with genetically modified giant jumping goldfish.

SeaWorld trainers say the goldfish are way dumber than the Orcas and since they’re carp, think bottom dwellers – mud, scum, ooze and Flint River – they see no possible reaction from PETA because the goldfish’s living environment will be like “Movin’ on up!”

Just sayin’.

10 thoughts on “Goldfish Sushi

  1. Bravo, Reverend Huss!

    It seems totally fitting that you should re-define the term “ichthyology” on a Sunday!

    I doff my mitre to you….(though I draw the line at kissing your ring since I suspect those fingers may have been somewhere “icthy” or “icky” as you researched the spiritual aspects or “theology” of not only FINDING Nemo, but dissecting the annoying bastard and serving him up as a protein-packed snack…)

    • Hey Tom … thanks for reading … I really think you need to layoff the rum in your coffee on Sundays … at least before you reply to my blog!

      I vote for “The Loathes and Fishes” … Richard feeds the masses up to their asses in “Gold Shit.”

      Now I’m off to research Neelix … you might remember him …

      • I’ll make ya a deal…You quit writing about how to fricassee goldfish and I’ll hold off on the Bacardi in my breakfast beverages.

  2. Golden carp shine through the murkiest of Michigan lakes and ponds, something this state needs just to smile in the morning, on a sunny day, before the paper is read and plans are made. Just saying…

    • Hey Jeanne … Thanks for reading … I thought this was a joke before I started researching it … My guess is a 3 pound golden shimmery carp is quite a sight in the Lake. I’m amazed by them swimming around in dinky little pond in someone’s back yard.

      They’ll probably be “rustling them thar Goldfish” if the price keeps going up!

      Hope all’s as well as can be … miss you in the AM’s… Hugs

    • Thanks for readin’, Carla … I’m not sure but I bet you won’t be finding any Gold-Guppy-Sushi in Mount Dora or Tavares. Besides, if you knew what Carp feed on, you for sure back away from the Sushi Bar.

      But, on your next trip to LA, San Fran or the Big Apple, I bet you can get some … the biggest buyer of the Carp is Fulton Fish Market …

  3. If they can survive the sewer to end up in the lake, they must be able to live and eat sewer sludge. So if they get fed to us, I wonder if they have to be held in clean water to cleanse their intestinal tracts first. I remember getting catfish in Manchac Swamp that hadn’t been held in clean water long enough, and it’s like putting mold into your mouth for dinner. Old timers say we city slickers don’t know what we’re missing to have to have ours rinsed out, that the real flavor is the cat right out of the swamp. Gushy fish, too.

  4. Hey PMartha … You guessed it … I checked with a friend, while researching this blog, who is Japanese and trained for years in Japan for Sushi … he says that “Golden Carp (Gold Fish) Sushi” is a rage in Japan … But, before they use it, it is “cleansed” for a period of days in a sterile tank … everything “Japan” is super cleansed.

    My guess is these fish started generations ago as “releases” directly into Lake Erie … I don’t think they could survive the sludge of sanitary sewage from homes thru processing plants to the Lake.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *