The Brady “Munch”

Okay … so the New England Patriots’ Deflategate-Cheatin’-QB, Tom Brady, may still get to play next year because he’s appealed his four-game suspension.

I tried your--I'm still not Tom BradyBut, he can never escape “flattened ball jokes,” so his quest for perfection is over.

What’s a poor guy (who’s worth gazillions) to do?

It’s simple.  He develops a “cookbook” for $200 a pop … and it sells out within hours of its publication.

So what’s so effing great about this book?

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The short answer is, “Nothing.”

But some folks, at least 200 … the number of books sold on the first run … think there are a few reasons why you might want to own this “cookbook”… reasons which have nothing to do with cooking or nutrition.

First, the co-authors, Brady, Giselle Bundchen, his super-model wife, and Allen Campbell, his personal chef, call it a “nutrition manual,” not a cookbook.

Say what?

I Googled “definition of cookbook,” and according to those eggheads, Merriam & Webster, “It is a book of recipes and directions for the preparation of food.”

So there, Tom Terrific … it’s an effing “cookbook!”

Sure there are some beyond-Martha-Stewart-hard-to-find ingredients … but what the hell?  So what if a recipe calls for in-season doe earwax or ground-anal-gland from line-caught-tuna.  You can afford it.

And, if you’re Brady-Bundchen with a personal chef, you don’t care because you don’t spend the time prepping or cooking it … Chef does.

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Well, maybe it’s worth $200 because of the laser etched maple cover and the 100lb textured paper.  Hmmm.

According to pissed-off users, the cover soaks up everything and the book is a pure pain-in-the-ass to use because it doesn’t stay open.

Well, it could be that it’s described as a “living document” and you GET TO PURCHASE new recipes from the world’s healthiest trio.

Hmmm, a non-cook-book-cook-book that needs a screwdriver so you can add recipes that you get to pay extra for.

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Well … it’s just gotta be the dynamic duo’s famous “Avocado Ice Cream” treat.

Let’s see … Google “avocado ice cream” and in .33 seconds you’ll find 18,700,000 entries.  Surely Tom & Gisele’s recipe isn’t that good?

I got it … while I’m watching the Patriots march through another successful NFL season and settle in for their annual “Stupor Bowl” meeting with a hapless opponent, I can munch on Brady’s personal K12 super snacks.  Hmmm.

That’s so not happenin’ in my house.  Pass the nonBrady-approved jumbo bag of Fritos, please.

Just sayin’.

12 thoughts on “The Brady “Munch”

  1. Vive Le Huss! A gourmand’s gourmand….and while I’m at it, vive le jumbo bag de Fritos! C’est magnifique, n’est-ce pas?

    • Ah, for cris’ sake, Tom … You’re so damn worldly I can hardly stand it.

      Pardon my English, but if I understand your French:

      You’re paying tribute to my “foodie status,” re-enforcing my love of that international snack, Fritos corn chips … high in chemicals, fatty oils and salt … and basically sayin’, “Ain’t life grand!”

      If you were insulting me, you really will have to pardon my English!

      Thanks for reading and all your support …

      BTW … you may or may not find a copy of the Brady Munch Cookbook under your Xmas tree this December … Not!

  2. We here in Indianapolis Colts land don’t take too kindly to Tom Brady. We know it didn’t make a difference in the outcome of that game, but he knew, and that makes him a cheater.

    • Hey Joy … Forgot that you are a Colts backer. For sure there’s no love lost between the Colts and the Pats.

      That should make Brady’s absurd Martha Stewart-Gwyneth Paltrow “quasi-near-almost “cookbook” that much more absurd to you.

      Comeon, man! Who’s gonna spend $200 for 80+ recipes with ingredients no one can find, and then have to buy more recipes later? Certainly not the more astute Colts’ fans!

      Hang in there … your “Coltish years” are coming back!

    • Hey, Janet … Thanks for readin’ and for your comment.

      My tree-view is soooo much more fun for me than wallowing around in the absurdity of the life I refuse to join.

      I’m afraid that I might start believing some of my own crap if my view becomes distorted by real life.

      Just sayin’ …

  3. I think I just read Food Manual reviewing perfection:

    Sure there are some beyond-Martha-Stewart-hard-to-find ingredients … but what the hell? So what if a recipe calls for in-season doe earwax or ground-anal-gland from line-caught-tuna. You can afford it.

    And, if you’re Brady-Bundchen with a personal chef, you don’t care because you don’t spend the time prepping or cooking it … Chef does.

    Wow! Give yourself some Fritos Scoops with some faux cantaloupe caviar. Fantastic imagery from you!

  4. Hey, Mike … Thanks for reading and commenting …

    There are some really, really important issues we face that spur us to higher creative efforts. Sports millionaires with super model wives and their own personal cookbooks is one of the biggest problems we must deal with.

    This was even more fun than ragging on Trump. Thanks for your support.

  5. i’m with all the Brady haters, especially Joy. Janet, maybe you ought to get some recipes from Woman’s Day, and they will be more tame. Just joking, because that’s how I learned to cook, and believe me, I can cook! Just wonderin’ if in season doe ear wax is any muskier than not-in-season. Also wondering this: if Brady is palsy-walsy with Gwenyth Pretentious, maybe his idea for deflated balls came from ogling her boobs? Mean, but, if she had anything to do with it, no wonder the book is so mindless.

  6. Aaah, PMartha … In rare form as usual. In-season doe ear wax is most certainly heavier in the musk scent. Gwyenth had nothing to do with with the Brady Book … she’s still trying to dig out from under her $50 2 oz bottle of in-season South African 5-legged bee honey. I do love “in-season.”

    And, as for ogling, I’m sure Mr. Brady is on a short leash held taut by Ms. Bundchen so pretty sure his eyes do not stray.

    Thanks for reading and commenting … I appreciate your support!

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