Everything you never wanted to know about “Brexit”

Under no circumstances should you try to Wikipedia, Google or SNOPES my ideas, or in any way assign a degree of truth to what I say about “Brexit” … the British exit from the European Union.

That’s not to say, I’m a hoax.  Just consider yourself duly warned that you should not take this absurdity … seriously.

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  • “Brexit” is not a British breakfast. So as the Pound continues its freefall and Britain becomes cheaper than in the 1950’s, don’t fly to London and order a rasher of bacon for “Brexit.”  That’s a no-no.
  • Scores of Brexiter Brits woke up the next morn and asked the cogent question, “WTF is a European Union?” They then asked, “Why didn’t you tell us that we’d Eff things up if we prematurely pulled out of this EU-thingie?  We just wanted to jack you around.”
  • Brits can now change their name to Britain … no longer Great Britain and certainly not a “United Kingdom.” Scotland and Northern Ireland, the residence of the more intelligent voters, will probably demand their freedom from the UK … making them simply, “The K.”
  • The Brexiters belatedly discovered that neither of the main parties controlling Parliament had a plan to “Leave.”
  • Many Brits, some say a majority of those who voted to leave the EU, also did not know they had a Parliament. They thought that “London” ran the government, and the Queen waved from her carriage on Monday of the fourth week of each month.  Cheerio to that!
  • The weird hair resemblance of Britain’s Boris Johnson and our Donald, the prime drivers of “Our-country’s-so-effed-up-our-only-hope-is-to-trash-it,” is proof that people who favor candidates with weird hair should not be allowed to vote … unless it’s for “What’s for dinner?”
  • Speaking of dinner, it’s now totally true that the Brexits can say ciao to affordable fresh porcini tossed in hand rolled pasta, au revoir to delicate macarons, auf wiedersehen to tender schnitzel, and adios to the zesty paella they used to get from across the channel. It’s cold franks-n-beans from the can for you dunderheads.

So Brits … you’ve really screwed the pooch this time.  No more looking down your noses and berating your uncivilized across-the-pond relations pretending to be way smarter than we are.

That is, unless we choose to elect Don the Con … and “Amexit” from the rest of the world.

Just sayin.’

8 thoughts on “Everything you never wanted to know about “Brexit”

  1. How can I not take this seriously? For the most part, it’s spot on!

    Okay, you’re wrong about most Brits not knowing about Parliament…but that’s only because The Parliaments and Funkadelic were essentially THE EXACT SAME ROCK BAND headed by George Clinton who, remarkably enough, is NOT related to either Bill or Hillary.

    Other than that, however, YA NALED IT, RICHARD…and just for the halibut, wouldn’t “Brexit” also be a good name for a fast-acting British laxative?

    T.

    • Tom … Remind me to never play against you in Trivial Pursuit. You’re the fount of all things absurd!

      And yes … I’ve already started Trademark proceedings on “Brexit” … An unsweetened dark chocolate British suppository to be used only for non-thinking blocked “bowelers.”

      Wonder what next week will bring me … it can’t get more absurd than reality! Thanks for reading.

  2. As you often hear someone exclaim in “The Carvery” restaurant, the one on Oxford Square where having your Sunday “tea” involves some of the best beef in the universe, this one you wrote is “BRILL!!! SIMPLY BRILL, EH?”

    • Hey PMartha … Thanks for reading …

      Come on, Girl … beef at “tea?” I thought the Brits ate crustless tea sandwiches at tea.

      Yeh, it’s The Carvery which suggests slabs of beef, but I thought a good hardy pint would go best with that!

      Glad you liked it … it was a quick fun romp through British politics.

      Looking for next week’s absurdity already and sure there’ll be something that catches my eye …

  3. Fluegge … That was great!

    If the “post Brexit” press coverage means anything, a good many Brits would sure like a “morning after pill.” And one of them would be Boris Johnson with his summation … paraphrased: “I never thought we’d win … I have no plan … I’m oughta here!” The man who led them down the shit-stained brick road is in hiding.

    See a parallel anywhere else in the world? Sure hope not.

    Thanks for reading!

    • Hey Jeanne … Thanks for readin’ … What I love about the UK is that they have yet to learn that the Scots always hated them and that the Irish are the Irish and want to be Irish … neither wants to be “British” … especially now that it means they will be even less than 2nd class citizens.

      Thanks for the support…

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