Creepy Clowns? Stephen King … What Did You Spawn?

It’s October … time for pumpkin spice in everything we cook, smell, drink, slather and otherwise ingest into our bodies.  Yummy!

Time for adult Halloween costume parties.  Yippee!

Time to send in the clowns.  Uh oh!

What’s up?  Bozo, Ronald McDonald and Clarabell … have you gone over to the dark side?

Is there a problem with those perpetual smiley faced happy-go-lucky performers who entertained us with humor, slapstick, pratfalls, juggling, stuffed cars, and stilt walking?

Apparently so.

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Clowns, of the not so nice variety – Creepy Clowns – are popping up in every nook and cranny … forests, alleys, intersections, schools and playgrounds, peeping in windows and doors.

Everywhere … but birthday parties.

Google “clown terror map.”  You’ll get a graphic that pinpoints U.S. creepy clown sightings.  Only folks in The Dakotas, New Mexico and Maine have missed this latest creepy-terror-horror-clown festival.

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Maine?

That’s where “Horror-Clown-in-Chief,” Stephen King, lives and pumps out terrifying tomes that keep the masses shuddering under their covers … sleeping with the lights on.

Didn’t he write the novel, “It” … where Pennywise, the Dancing Clown, traps and murders kids in Derry, Maine?

Where’s he in this hysteria?

According to his hometown paper, The Bangor Daily News, King confesses he’d be scared, too if these creepy clowns appeared in his window.  What?  The Master of Terror’s terrorized?

Comeon, man … show us your Moxy!

Don’t tell us you’re fraidy-scared.  Now what’re we supposed to do?

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Let’s take a look at Flori-duh.  Surprise, surprise … we’re a leader in creepy-clown incidents.

We actually have a sorta law against this clown behavior.  In Flori-duh, it’s a misdemeanor to wear a mask, hood, etc. with the intent to harass or intimidate another person.

Exceptions are made for Halloween, but other than that … you’re on the wrong side of the law!

A rapid increase in Flori-duh sightings, and already “overworked-enforcing-the-law-for-WalMart” police, produced a spate of warnings issued to our Clownistas.

Plus, they’re reminding wannabe Terror-Clowns that we’re a “stand your ground state,” which allows folks to “gun down your-clown-painted-ass.”

Given the number and nature of our homegrown gun-toters and crazies, it’s just a matter of time before some citizen “offs” a Clarabell armed with a machete instead of his little “honkie-horn.”

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As for me, my darker side hopes this plague will spread.  Just think about it.

Thanksgiving with “Possessed Pilgrims.”  “Satanic Xmas Santas” already decked out in red.

Just sayin’ …

8 thoughts on “Creepy Clowns? Stephen King … What Did You Spawn?

  1. Be careful what ya ask for, Richard! When ya ask somone IN MAINE to show their moxy, you’re asking them to pop the top on a can of Moxie, an EVIL-TASTING soft drink sold almost exclusively in…you guessed it… Maine…where Gov. Paul LePage is both funnier and scarier than any (other) clown currently holding an elected office. BUT IF YA START MESSING WITH MY TURKEY DAY WITH YOUR “POSSESSED PILGRIMS,” PILGRIM, I’M GONNA GO ALL JOHN WAYNE ON YA!

    • Hey TL … I love it when you talk dirty to me … I can only imagine what “going all John Wayne” on me means … is that a Trumpism for hard guy-to-guy groping?

      And speaking of Possessed Pilgrims, I can hear good old John Alden asking, “May I have you hand … sweet Priscilla … literally? Hee, hee, hee!”

      Thanks for reading and all your support …

  2. I just returned from my trip to NYC and Long Island, and a couple of my high school buddies’ wives work in the school systems up there. They told me in no uncertain terms that any joking about “evil clowns” is absolutely verboten. Seems some of the schools on Long Island have been getting threats of potential attacks on children by “evil clowns”. Something everyone now takes very seriously…

    So yeah, it’s sad when we can no longer joke about fun scary stuff and “movie violence” because it has started to encroach a bit too much on real life…

    • L.I. has been one of the most active areas for “Creepy-Clown” sightings. Maybe it’s something in the water or a genetic problem … I’m sure down here it’s just a matter of time before someone “Stands His Own Ground” against a clown … I think that could be classified as a “clown-on-clown” shooting …

      Thanks for reading, Steve …

  3. Oh, Richard, why blame Stephen King? This fear of clowns phenomenon is not about IT, rather it is fear of someone very real who happens to have orange hair and painted skin. Someone who is truly scary…your nemesis, Donald Trump.

    • Hey G.L. … thanks for reading. You’re close to reading my mind. I thought about morphing this into a “Creepy-Trump” sighting, but I’m sick of that “Bozo.” Besides, he’s really giving a bad rap to the clowns who work hard at what they do for children … and adults.

      There are several “photos” of Trump in clown face that really are creepy … but none as creepy as his own orange flesh.

      Off to research for next week … thanks for all your support.

  4. Funny, but there are already so many real-life creepy clowns, I think I’d be scared of clowns that aren’t in the circus. My daddy was a Shriner, and we went to the circus almost every night in New Orleans, where he placed little black and white poor kids into the box seats and dared anyone, creepy clown or other, to mess with him. Guess he was the creepy clown of the circus. I loved the clowns, and actually got picked up and hugged by one, once, but that was a little bit creepy.
    Now, bring on the gorilla suits. That is the single most hysterical sight in the world for me. Ron did one for a birthday surprise, and for the last three blocks he put the head on to drive. Kids running inside screaming. Be scared to do it now, I guess, but, hey, Connecticut is pretty rural most places, so it was a hoot.
    Now I have an ear worm; “Bring in the Clowns.” Better than the one I had before.

    • Hey PMartha … thanks for reading and commenting. I have fond circus clown memories especially the car stuffing … even though you know what’s going to happen you still laugh and clap.

      Scary clowns did start in a big way with Stephen King and “It” … sure scared the shee-“it” outta me.

      You have a week to hear “Being in the clowns” until I bring you another seriously absurdity …

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