Santa “The Red”

I’m in line at the Post Office … brain and eyes wandering.  They strobe across a photo posted on the wall.

I move closer to take a look.

The Feds are after some guy for burglary … trespassing … flying w/o a license … entering restricted no-fly zones … violations of child labor law … distribution of unregulated toys … OSHA violations … workplace discrimination based on gender and age … and animal cruelty.

I study the photo … Holy S**t!

Staring back at me is a rosy cheeked, white bearded, fat man, dressed in a red suit trimmed in white!

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He’s known as Chris Kringle … aka Saint Nicholas … aka Santa Claus.

I know he’s not a bad man.  In fact, he’s probably more popular worldwide than any of our Presidents … especially beginning in 2017!

But … and it’s a “big butt,” it looks like the long arm of the law’s corralled his jolly old fat ass.  They’re throwing the book at my jelly bellied friend.

This is a frame-up … definitely “Fake News!”

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Burglary?  Bite me!  He gets millions of written invitations to come into homes.  Sure, a few don’t give him permission to drop-in, but he’s not taking anything … he’s leaving stuff!

Taking the cookies and milk doesn’t count.  Drop the gavel on that burglary rap!

Child labor laws?  Who ya kiddin’?  Elves ain’t kids!  If you know one thing about elves, you know they’re really, really old.  Kick that one to the side of the road!

OSHA Smosha!  With T-Rump coming into the “Oval Orifice,” there won’t be any OSHA regs to enforce.  Kiss-off that puppy!

The same with the workplace discrimination charges … bag ‘em!  The new Administration’s position on discrimination’s totally transparent … Abuse the Workers!

The motto for the nominated Sec of Labor is: “If you pay ‘em at all, you’re payin’ ‘em too much!”

As for animal cruelty … The new Sec of Interior and head of EPA don’t think much about saving the f**king reindeer … unless it’s for steaks!

According to Wikileaks, their plan is to crisscross the North Pole with so many pipelines there won’t be any tundra left for the reindeer to s**t on, much less munch on!

They think the jolly old fat man’s rescuing the reindeer!

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“On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen.  On Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.

And with a nod from the President Elect, “Vlad-dolph the Red” will lead Santa’s sleigh Xmas Night … “SAD!”

Just sayin’ …

15 thoughts on “Santa “The Red”

  1. OMG, Ricky Ricardo! Who’d have thunk it? Santa ISN’T a U.S. citizen, is he? And – if you ask anyone who’s ever watched “A Christmas Story” – there’s indisputable evidence he’s sneaking arms into this country, too! (Commie-Pinko-sounding “Red Rider” BB guns no less!)

    I say string him up…with Silly String. Sic PETA on him for all that white fur he wears! Throw the book at him. Or, throw a Kindle at him, anyway!

    Let’s Make America Great Again! Keep jovial, generous foreigners off our rooftops!

    • … and outta our chimneys! Hadn’t thought of the possibility that Santa is an “illegal alien.” T-rump might have a special border patrol on the look out for the “red man.” Could conflict with T-rump’s “Merry Christmas” edict. But then, he’ll make a good business decision since the red man gives away toys instead of selling them.

      Thanks for reading … Have a Merry Xmas …

    • … and outta our chimneys! Hadn’t thought of the possibility that Santa is an “illegal alien.” T-rump might have a special border patrol on the look out for the “red man.” Could conflict with T-rump’s “Merry Christmas” edict. But then, he’ll make a good business decision since the red man gives away toys instead of selling them.

      Thanks for reading … Have a Merry Xmas …

      Reply ↓

      • Yes but….how do ya build a wall that’ll keep him out when the dude’s got a flying sleigh and reindeer who can poop on us from on high?

          • OMG! Reindeer tartare falling from the skies! What a Chrstmas treat. Can’t wait to see what happens on Boxing Day!

    • Give Mari the credit for my “blog art.” She has to do some deep searches to cover some of my topics … she’s really added a great dimension to my blog.

      Glad I could make you laff … Hope you have a Merry Xmas … Thanks for all your support.

  2. You always manage to trick me! On the opening page, I thought that this piece was going to be just silly stuff about Santa, although I did have a slight suspicion that T-Rump might be involved somehow. Love the poor reindeer lines and wonder if they are symbolic of what is going to happen to us. Merry Christmas, anyway, dear amigo.

    • Sure hope I’m not a prognosticator about the fate of the North Pole and reindeer! I’ll be your “practice run” for recognizing ‘Fake News” when you see it!

      Thanks for all your support and sure hope you Xmas is Merry and Bright … Abrazos, Hermanita

    • Sure hope I’m not a prognosticator about the fate of the North Pole and reindeer! I’ll be your “practice run” for recognizing ‘Fake News” when you see it!

      Thanks for all your support and sure hope you Xmas is Merry and Bright … Abrazos, Hermanita

    • Hey JDF … Thanks for reading … Humor can be very barbed as well as true. You got that right.

      I’m looking forward to 2017 and a fresh year of serious absurdities … I can’y imagine there will be a lack of material! See you around the lake(s).

  3. Ahhh … takes me back to Arlo Guthrie:

    “Santa Claus wears a red suit … he must be a communist.
    Santa Claus has long hair and a beard … he must be a pacifist.
    What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?”

  4. Hey Mike … One of my all time favorite tunes, “Alice’s Restaurant.”

    In addition to the evidence of the “red suit” and the possible “wacky tabaccy,” Santa sure has the “munchies” as he powers his way ’round the world delivering free toys to kids. Just more proof that something’s seriously absurd in this world!

    Thanks for reading and for all your support … And as we can now freely say in Trumpville, “Merry Xmas to all and to all a good night!”

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