Doom-da-Doom-Doom Doom-da-Doom-Doom Doom-da-Doom-Doomsday!

We’ve seen, read or heard some version of all of these: “The sky is falling … the sky is falling” … “The end is near” … “The world will end some time tomorrow.”

But shock and awe … I just learned we actually maintain a “Doomsday Clock.”  And, we’re very serious about it!

And I’ve also discovered we can be seriously absurd about the topic of “Doomsday!”


Predicting our end-of-time on earth isn’t a new guessing game.

The first record of our potential demise was in 66 AD when the Essene sect of Jewish ascetics stated that the Jewish revolt against the Romans in 66-70 (that’s a long revolt) was the “end-time” battle before the arrival of the Messiah.

The Essenes were so sure of this event, that they started the first ever memorabilia sale:  collector’s coins depicting the redemption of Israel.

Too bad they didn’t come up with the first T-shirt in history!

Those wild and crazy ascetics were a bit off in their prediction … the Jews are still waiting for the arrival of their Messiah.

But, back then they didn’t have an atomic clock, computers … or Einstein!


To help us with our “end-time” fetish … the guys who brought us atomic bombs, nuclear power, radiation and a wealth of other WMDs … have also given us “The Doomsday Clock.”

Yep, an official looking clock-face graphic kept on a wall at the U of Chicago … who doesn’t even have a football team … that is used by deep, deep thinkers to remind us just how precarious life on this planet is.

Among other factors used to “set their clock,” this cabal of wise guys primarily considers the threat of nuclear war … and since 2007, global warming.

Enter our new president, Trumplethinskin and guess what?  This august group’s adjusted our “Tick-Tock” … downward!

What?  There are folks out there who think “le Presidént d’Orange” lacks judgment and his serial midnight tweets are reasons to worry about our welfare?

Where were these folks during the past election?  If FBI Director James Comey can jump face first into politics, then these guys sure as s**t could have spoken up.

C’mon, Guys!

Since its 1947 inception … set at seven whopping minutes to play with … the Doomsday Clock has been adjusted up or down, depending on “world conditions.”

The highest point of 17 minutes was achieved in 1991.   Sadly, the Doomsday Clock fell to a new low of 2½ minutes this month.

But ever the optimist, give me 2½ minutes and I know I can have a lot of fun!

Just sayin’ …

“Hey little girl, wanna sell me a cookie?”

‘Tis the season.  Yep … just like clockwork.

It’s that time when you hear the doorbell … and it’s not dropping off the package you ordered a few hours ago.  Prime pays, Baby!

You race to the door, fling it open and you’re greeted by the cherubic smile from the girl-in-green (now shadowed by a hyper-vigilant adult), with her Girl Scout satchel crammed with sugar ‘n spice and everything you’ve tried to avoid since last year.

It’s the Grand Girl Scout Cookie Sale-a-thon!  Yummy in my tummy!

God … If I could just find a way to fuse those choco-thin-mints with my martinis!


Without buying all 12 boxes, I wanted to know which GSC tasted best.  Who better to tell us than the halfwit who conjured up the Cronut®.

Surely the guy who’s #1 on the “Let’s-All-Get-Fatter” list is the go-to-guy for the GS Cookie Taste Test.

According to Dominique Cronut® … at #1 is the Tagalongs/Peanut Butter Patties.  His descriptions sound like a wine taster’s orgasm over a newly discovered grape or impeccable vintage: “playful textures … fun … a lot of different flavors … balance … pretty good.”

C’mon Man!  We’re talking peanut butter cookie!

What about the choco-thin mints?  Cronut® ranked them at #6.  Right in the middle … boring!

Betcha he doesn’t drink vodka!


What’s the record for number of boxes sold?   A 30-year-old Ronald Reagan Era record crumbled when OK City’s Katie Francis bested Elizabeth Brinton’s 18,000 boxes by selling 18,107 boxes of the sweets in 2014.

According to the teen-sales “mogulette,” it’s a snap … as in ginger snap.  You just ask every person you see how many boxes they want.


GSC’s and weed?  No way … Yes way!

Go straight for the source and toke up on “Girl Scout Cookies,” a main dope strain that now includes the hybrids GSC Platinum and GSC Thin Mints.

One reviewer says, “….’GSC’ launches you to Euphoria’s top floor where full-body relaxation meets a time-bending cerebral space.”

I can hear Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster now: “Yummm!  My kinda cookies!”  So, ride ‘em cowgirls … you’re immortalized in dope!

Okay … I know The GS Council won’t discuss it because several very serious leaders and their attorneys take a dim view of attaching their cookie brand to a dope brand.


But, hey pot growers … you can always change the name to “Mac-n-weed” and see how much appreciation you’ll get from the Ronald MacDonald crowd.

Just sayin’ …

C-Span Ratings Irk Trumpelthinskin

Demonstrating that he’s capable of fighting wars on multiple fronts … think Streep Tweet War, Putin Hack War, Cabinet Confirmation War, Personal Lawsuit Wars, No DC Gown Wars … President-elect Trump now has C-Span (Congressional TV) in his sights.

He’s pissed about C-Span’s nonexistent TV ratings and is determined to “Make C-Span Great – Finally!”


In fact, his China Trade connection, “Chairman Mayo” – a clever Mao body double and the only Chinaman T-Rump recognizes – has personally confirmed that China’s prepared to ship 62,979,636 hats to support his new C-Span campaign.

BTW … that’s one for each T-Rump voter.


According to sources, in his first 100 days T-Rump will empower Sean Hannidy of “Fake FOX News” to head a presidential task force – funded from hat sales minus costs to Trump Enterprises.

The Task Force’s comprised of noted B-list Hollywood movie moguls, actors, and valet parking attendants.


T-Rump wants C-Span congressional floor debates to be introduced with specially written partisan political party fight songs performed by the singers and dancers used to kick-off NFL TV broadcast games.

Lights, smoke, thunderous-pounding music and lotsa hunky, sexy, bods, strutting  on stage provide the warm-up for these blood-debates.

Speakers appear in sequined satin suits … blue for Dem and red for GOP … displaying logos for their major donors and PACs.

A shirtless and buffed-up Bernie Sanders is promised as a special speaker.  Bernie Bros announced that he’s already training for the events.

Sanders tweeted … “I’m psyched! Can’t wait! Will make the GOP pay for the Damn Wall! Free college in 2020!”

Special on-line trash talking and “dissing” lessons are for speakers who want to “up their debate game.”

Expect to hear “Yoh mama” … “Shut yo punk a**, you Moh-Foh” … and “Your Mudder wears army boots” … that last one’s a throw-in for generationally challenged speakers.


According to presidential consulting-advisor-caught-flatfooted-and-hamena-hamena-specialist, Kelleyanne Conway, “President-elect Trump is determined to boost C-Span ratings.  We’re the laughing stock of TV politics.”

T-Rump himself issued a final statement:

“Look at other countries.  Throwing chairs and having fist-fights in chambers.  That’s Reality Congress!

“Think Kevin Spacey – ‘House of Cards’ on steroids.  ‘Madam Secretary?’ … Can it.  Stunk up TV.  So unrealistic.

“We’re talking about Congressional Entertainment.  Boring?  Wrong!

“Reality C-Span … That’s what I’m talking about!”

Oh, my … Just sayin’ …

Who Says There’s No Free Lunch

No wonder Millennials can’t cook.  They’re cashing in on incredible free eats where they work.  And from what I’ve read, there’s no way in hell they’re cooking in their own little Silicon Valley kitchenette hovels … where all their money goes for rent.

Recently I caught a lead-in phrase which started me thinking about how much life has changed.  It was titled, “Work for Google, Get Free Food.”

A couple of thoughts popped into the sections of my brain reserved for “free” and “food.”


One:  How much can legitimate hackers eat?  Aren’t they the folks with Cheetos-centered diets garnished with gloppy salsa dips, and cans of Reddi Wip?

Two … Why wasn’t the lead-in, “Work at Google and Get Rich?”  Does this mean folks working at Google prefer free food over money?

So I researched it.

Nope … I didn’t hoof it over to the library and swan dive into the card catalog files.  I googled Google with a simple phrase … “Google offers free food.”

In .64 seconds I received 140 million, yes million, digital “card catalog” responses.  Life’s pretty damn amazing, ain’t it?


And so is the food they serve for this crème-de-la-crème of the Millennial generation.

We’re not talking gloppy fiber bars, mystery meat with runny instant mashed potatoes and bilious lime Jello cubes lined-up cafeteria style.

At Google, you can kick start your day at the Steam Cafe with a breakfast of smothered buttermilk fried chicken Benedict served on a waffle.

Lunch?  No problem after that heavy breakfast.  You can cruise the Refuel Café for chicken salad with asparagus, berries and almonds.

Staying late?  Bulk up at the Nourish Café with brisket over chipotle tofu mac-n-cheese accompanied by roasted fingerling potatoes and asparagus.

So what’s the reasoning behind this?


The cynics say it’s because employers want their employees to stay at work and yes, work more and longer.  It’s a cheap way to get more out of their employees.

Aha, I say with a strobe light flashing in my cranial structure.  Let’s check it out.


Google isn’t just serving food.  This is not eating.  This is socio-cultural-creative-idea exchanging at its best.

There are no two-person tables.  The “eateries” are placed in locations that maximize interaction across cubicle lines.

OMG … you mean people actually talk with each other, interact with each other, discuss commonalities, share thoughts, and help each other work … in a different way?

Hmmm … where might be another good place to try this?


Free food and micro-stations in Congress?  Get rid of the cafeteria, the kale and the Freedom Fries?  No two-person tables?  Cross political-cultural discussions?  Exchanges of ideas?

Any chance it could produce a Brave New Congress?”  I’d pay for that!