C-Span Ratings Irk Trumpelthinskin

Demonstrating that he’s capable of fighting wars on multiple fronts … think Streep Tweet War, Putin Hack War, Cabinet Confirmation War, Personal Lawsuit Wars, No DC Gown Wars … President-elect Trump now has C-Span (Congressional TV) in his sights.

He’s pissed about C-Span’s nonexistent TV ratings and is determined to “Make C-Span Great – Finally!”

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In fact, his China Trade connection, “Chairman Mayo” – a clever Mao body double and the only Chinaman T-Rump recognizes – has personally confirmed that China’s prepared to ship 62,979,636 hats to support his new C-Span campaign.

BTW … that’s one for each T-Rump voter.

In a 3 AM tweet T-Rump proclaimed: “THE WALL CAN WAIT! NATO SCHMATO! C-SPAN CAN’T- # MUST SAVE C-SPAN! NEW HATS ONLY $8 – PERFECT FOR VALENTINE’S DAY!”

According to sources, in his first 100 days T-Rump will empower Sean Hannidy of “Fake FOX News” to head a presidential task force – funded from hat sales minus costs to Trump Enterprises.

The Task Force’s comprised of noted B-list Hollywood movie moguls, actors, and valet parking attendants.

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T-Rump wants C-Span congressional floor debates to be introduced with specially written partisan political party fight songs performed by the singers and dancers used to kick-off NFL TV broadcast games.

Lights, smoke, thunderous-pounding music and lotsa hunky, sexy, bods, strutting  on stage provide the warm-up for these blood-debates.

Speakers appear in sequined satin suits … blue for Dem and red for GOP … displaying logos for their major donors and PACs.

A shirtless and buffed-up Bernie Sanders is promised as a special speaker.  Bernie Bros announced that he’s already training for the events.

Sanders tweeted … “I’m psyched! Can’t wait! Will make the GOP pay for the Damn Wall! Free college in 2020!”

Special on-line trash talking and “dissing” lessons are for speakers who want to “up their debate game.”

Expect to hear “Yoh mama” … “Shut yo punk a**, you Moh-Foh” … and “Your Mudder wears army boots” … that last one’s a throw-in for generationally challenged speakers.

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According to presidential consulting-advisor-caught-flatfooted-and-hamena-hamena-specialist, Kelleyanne Conway, “President-elect Trump is determined to boost C-Span ratings.  We’re the laughing stock of TV politics.”

T-Rump himself issued a final statement:

“Look at other countries.  Throwing chairs and having fist-fights in chambers.  That’s Reality Congress!

“Think Kevin Spacey – ‘House of Cards’ on steroids.  ‘Madam Secretary?’ … Can it.  Stunk up TV.  So unrealistic.

“We’re talking about Congressional Entertainment.  Boring?  Wrong!

“Reality C-Span … That’s what I’m talking about!”

Oh, my … Just sayin’ …

4 thoughts on “C-Span Ratings Irk Trumpelthinskin

  1. OMG, Richard! You’re channeling Lewis Carroll! Or possibly Leo G. Carroll. Or maybe it’s Grace Slick and the Jefferson Airplane! Whichever it is, you’ve clearly fallen down that rabbit hole where one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small! I LOVE IT!

    • Hey Tom … Thanks for reading … there’s only one pill I take and it does make me larger … so I’m told!

      Thanks for your support … Hey, when did C-Span go to color? The last time I watched it was still B&W!

  2. trumpelthinskin. excellent. i have always loved c-span. no commentators. my channel of choice for debates and congressional riots.

    • Hi Jeanne … Yeah … Trumpelthinskin is a good name for the Manhattan Orange Man … I “borrowed” that from a blog I read a few weeks ago … I did come up with a new one I’ll use when I cover a Trump tweet … “Tweety Twumpy.” I think that one has some legs since he will apparently be our first Prez to govern by tweets.

      Thanks for your support and comments …

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