Tom Brady’s Super Bowl Jersey Stolen: Waa, Waa!

Sound the claxons!  Man the battle stations!  Inflate the gates!

A thief moves among the New England Patriots.

In a brazen act, under the cloak of jubilant celebratory chaos, Tom Brady’s #12 Super Bowl game jersey was stolen from the dirty uniform paraphernalia Mr. Terrific stuffed into his “game bag” inside his open locker.

Great zounds … how could this happen to us?

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Last year we struggled with who let the air out of Tom Terrific’s balls … now we have to deal with the angst of his stolen historic fifth Super Bowl win game jersey … valued at a mere half-million dollars … a pittance for the millionaire soon to be billionaire, Brady.

How can we deal with this travesty?  The fate of the Free World hangs in the balance.

Not to worry … the best of the best is working on this crime of the century!

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The Lt. Gov of the great state of Texas has unleashed the full power of the “We-always-get-our-man” Texas Rangers.

No one’s talking about whether that means The Lone Ranger will step in.

But, if he does, you can bet that Tonto will sit this one out.  He’s tied-up with that oil pipeline ravaging his sacred lands … and there’s also the matter of Mr. Brady’s politics.

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Thanks to the Mayor of Houston, the missing jersey’s a top priority for the Houston Police Department … and we know that means … “Houston, we have a problem!”

When the HPD’s charged and ready to go … it’s a “grab your nightsticks and tasers, and don’t forget your guns opportunity!”  Head banging for sure!

They’ve promised to “interview” anyone and everyone who has been in, or close to the Patriot’s locker room.

Watch out you sleazy journalists … we know what police, Presidents and Patriots think of the media.

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And, speaking of Presidents … this just in from The Oval Orifice.

Upon hearing of his new BFF’s tragedy, President Thinskin immediately placed the Star QB’s missing Jersey on the FBI’s “Most Wanted List.”

According to “Fawn Spicer,” a special task force has been assembled.  “It’s the first occasion that NSA spies, CIA Spooks, SS Party Animals and FBI Knuckleheads have all been assigned to solve the same crime.”

According to Spicer, the President views this as “a direct act of Radical Muslim Terrorism sponsored by ISIS, and vows that the Muslims behind this grand theft will be totally destroyed.”

President Thinskin tweeted, “We will not tolerate the invasion of our sacred NFL locker rooms by the Devil’s Spawn!”

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I wonder … could this be a case of “Deflate Gate Ball Boys’ Revenge?”

Just sayin’ …

4 thoughts on “Tom Brady’s Super Bowl Jersey Stolen: Waa, Waa!

  1. Okay….step away from the caffeine and nobody gets hurt!

    I’m not naming any names, Richard Huss, but SOMEONE is wound-up tighter than a 400-thread count jersey. (And not, incidentally, a New Jersey.)

    This is just absurd. Seriously Absurd. Oh, wait…that’s kinda the point, isn’t it?

    • Hey TL … thanx for reading … I lived on the edge with this one thanx to the reports of Tom Terrific’s jersey being on the team semi on it’s way back to the Pats’ facility. I was afraid they would do the “voila, here’s the jersey.” But, someone apparently did snitch it!

      I do think Pres Thinskin needs to sic the full throttle of the feds on the crime! He might get some good press if they found it on the back of some Muslim refugee.

      Just sayin’ …

    • Hey, Gail … Nothing could be lighter than a week of coverage for an effing football jersey. That’s even worse than when everyone thought Tom’s balls were deflated! I still think the ball boys who took the fall for Tom Terrific were the culprits in this caper!

      Appreciate your support …

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