Mother Trumpie Goose

President Thinskin, AKA “L’homme d’orange,” has oozed into almost all of our waking hours … our thoughts … our discussions … and quite possibly that safe place we once held as carefree kids.

Our Mother Goose Land of Make Believe.

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The soon to be released “Trumpie Goose Rhymes,” the must have nightie-night book for all good little Trumpies, will hit the markets soon.

But … don’t expect Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos to make it available as a “Prime” offering.

There also seems to be a family rift with Ivanka and Melania locked in a winner-take-all-clothes-ripping-mud-wrestling battle over publishing rights … i.e. income.

But, with the help of Tom Lloyd, a friend and loyal reader of the “Absurd,” I was lucky enough to purloin a few advance rhymes for your enjoyment.

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Trumpie Dumpty wanted a wall.
Trumpie Dumpty wanted it tall.

But all Mexico’s men and all Mexico’s drug lords
Were too busy building new Dumpty golf courses
And didn’t return Trumpie‘s calls.

So, Trumpie Dumpty got red as a beet,
And, as was his habit he started to Tweet …

“Build me a wall that’s real rootin’ tootin’
Or I’ll deport you all to my Ruskie Pal, Putin.”

Poor Trumpie Dumpty,
He hasn’t a clue.
If he can’t get his wall …
Who knows what he’ll do?

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President Trumpie, quite contrary,
How did you press conference go?
Oh, yuuugely and bigly,
With WAPO and Times reporters
Quietly lined up in a row.

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Simple Trumpie met Pie-man Schummer going to Trump Tower.
Said Simple Trumpie to Pie-man Schummer,
“Sir, show me please your wares.

Said Pie-man Schummer to Simple Trumpie,
“Sir, show me first your tax returns.”

Said Simple Trumpie to Pie-man Schummer,
“Indeed, sir … I don’t pay any.”

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There was an Old Woman, who lived in Trump Tower
And according to Trumpie, complained on the hour.

Said Trumpie to Security, “Evict that old dry Pussy.”

Said Security to Trumpie, “Do your own dirty work …
You Woosie!”

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Little Bo Trumpie lost his Tweeter
And didn’t know where to find it.

Secret Service was quite relieved,
Though Trumpie was royally peeved,
‘Cause they wouldn’t help him to find it.

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Wee Little Trumpie runs through the White House
Upstairs and downstairs in his plush robe.

Rapping on the windows and crying through the locks
“Wake up everybody … it’s now “Tweet O’clock.”

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Hey … you think this is so easy … you try it.
Just sayin’ …

11 thoughts on “Mother Trumpie Goose

  1. Hickory-dickory-dock:
    the Trump looked at the clock:

    “It’s quarter to three,”
    said old king Trumpy:
    “it’s time to send out some tweets!”

    The world gets the jitters
    when he goes on Twitter
    yet no one can make the guy stop.

    Hickory-dickory-doo:
    We’re stuck in a pile of poo.
    if you voted for him, then this
    is on you so I hope ya come
    down with the flu!

    Enjoy what ya got but when ya
    look at that clock, remember he’s
    coming for you. Too.

    • Tom Lloyd … what a master of the twisted Mother Goose! My editor in-chief nixed two of mine … should I cry out about “Freedom of Speech” or just be quietly thankful she has more sense and better taste than I?

      Thanks for all your support and your inspiration for me to tackle this one!

  2. Haha, I bet you had such fun writing these. The press conference and the tweeter poems are my faves. Okay, just to show how difficult it is, I tried.

    “Ol’ Tiny-hand Trump
    Sat alone in a dump
    Not eating crow all day
    Along came free press
    Who caused him distress
    And frightened the Trumpster away.”

    Oh, dear this is really bad! Sorry, but at least I proved your point.

    • Wow … now I have an “Original GL” … Thanks for readin’ and takin’ a stab at Old Mother Goose. I appreciate your support … And, I think your renditition is better than all of mine …

    • Hey Oops … thanks for readin’ … A “real man” knows his limits and my guess is Mother Goose Rhymes were not a part of your formative years … I learned a lot from them … like never run around town in your night gown (Wee Willie Winkie)… if you drop an egg it will break and your mother will probably smack you around (Humpty Dumpty) … and never give the buyer the product until you’ve collected the dough (Simple Simon)!

      • Oh, you mean they have a moral behind the story? That complicates things. The one I always liked was the wolf eating the little girl and her grandmother. 🙂

  3. Hey diddle-diddle,
    the Trump played his fiddle,
    and the rednecks were over
    the moon.

    They opened some beers ‘cause
    they didn’t hear
    their healthcare was being repealed.

    • Aha … now you’re a “Political Gooser!” The Trumpites will learn soon enough that Obama Care and the Affordable Care Act are the same thing … Then what will they do, poor things?

      Thanks for the additional effort!

    • Hey Ella Girl … Thanks for reading my stuff. I always like hearing from you. And, you took an old racist rhyme (at least for those of us raised in the South) and turned it into a Trumpie indictment. Good work … And remember, the reality, not TV, is that if Trump says it, it’s probably NOT so!

      Thanks for your support …

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