Step back from your microwave … your TV … and your fridge

Break out the tinfoil hats.  The best is yet to come.

The “Trump Fake Newsies” just keep on coming.  I can’t make this s**t up fast enough to keep up with the real fake news that the news fakers try to fake us out with daily.

Trumplethinskin staffers may as well sing out in unison, “Let us entertain you …”

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Kellyanne “Teflon” Con-Way has openly and freely admitted that she’s no “Inspector Gadget.”  Did she mean she didn’t have “the necessary genetic part” under her trench coat?

Maybe Kellyanne missed the splendid Gadget movie and the Saturday AM cartoon series.

I’m sure Inspector Gadget would’ve known how to hook-up that Trumplethinskin Tower “combo microwave-surveiller!”

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Con-Way embellished the Trumple Tower wiretapping hoax from an FBI dime-a-dozen wiretap to the broader field of surveillance” and then, when asked about verification immediately blurted out, “I’m not in the job of having evidence”.

WTF?  An appointed spokesperson for the President of the United States has no responsibility for evidence?  Oops, I forgot … she’s the “Alt-fact Queen!”

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And, this blew in from across the pond Friday AM … Sean “Yama-Yama-Yama” Spicer announced that Trumple Tower was surveilled by the Brit’s intelligence service, GCHQ, not by any US agency.  And the request to the Brit’s came from ex-President Obama.

Bomb’s away!  Throw your #1 ally under the espionage bus and then ask for their cooperation later in your fight against ISIS!

That’s called “Yuuge and Bigly” military planning!

The Brit’s, after making sure this was a truth uttered by a White House official, laughed, yelled “Blimey!” and disavowed any knowledge of the President of the United States as well as the alleged surveillance.

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After Kellyanne “spilled the beans,” and Sean Spicer “screwed the pooch” … in this case the British Bulldog, I raced to my nearby “spy store” to prepare for our now very iffy future.

Banging through the front door I loudly announced I wanted one of those “surveilling microwaves” Teflon Con-Way told us about.

I got a big “Bwa-ha-ha” from the clerks as they gently guided me back the way I had come … straight out to the street.

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Undaunted, I’m now shopping online to get one of Ivanka’s newest creations … “Ivanka’s Tinfoil Head Wear.  A must-have for your next Conspiracy Theorist Rally.”

This beauty is “guaranteed to put you in touch with your very own alt-world inner conspiracy, and wipe out any urge for evidence or facts.”

Just sayin’ …

6 thoughts on “Step back from your microwave … your TV … and your fridge

  1. Maybe the Con-Way is right!
    According to Wiki-Leeks, (an onion-like organization devoted not to truth, justice and the American way but rather to to soup, muskets and the Trumpian way), we’ve all been harboring super-sneaky appliances in our homes for years. Just look at the humble vacuum cleaner! It’s been sucking-up stuff about us for YEARS…and that seemingly innocuous washing machine? It’s been stealing our socks and sending them off to shadowy DNA testing labs even longer!
    Evidence? We don’t need no stinkin’ evidence! Not when we can’t find a single pair of matching socks in our dresser drawers….And don’t even get me started about what’s going on in our OTHER drawers these days!

    • Okay, TL … You’ve officially gone over the “hedge,” and I’m not referring to your hedge funds! If you had compared “Wiki-leaks” to “The Onion” instead of Wiki-Leeks to an onion, i would be right with you. But I think you made a vegetable stew outta my rather healthy serving of right wing red meat!

      Thanks for reading … BTW, whenever my socks disappear, I claim that they’ve gone to the “hosezone!”

  2. Anyone spying on me will get their just desserts in the process: BOREDOM. And is Kellyanne the one who said on air that the government should stop giving money to people just because they’re old?

    • Hi Gail … I wouldn’t be surprised if that was a “Con-Wayism.” But proving she said it even if you had a verbatim recording could be hard since we’re not sure if she put “air quotes” around the statement while she was “on the air!” Maybe, she was “on” something else … Hmmm.

      Thanks for reading and supporting my nonsense which, BTW, is beginning to make sense … Uhoh!

  3. Amazing that you don’t have to make this stuff up anymore. Con-Way, the Alt-fact queen, Yama-Yama-Yama and Trumplethinskin do all your work for you. They are simply seriously absurd! Thanks, Richard, for shining more light on the craziness that abounds.

  4. Hi Lee … Thanks for reading …

    I wish I could say this was a challenge. But to be honest, it’s kinda like picking very plump, ripe low hanging fruit. My biggest problem is trying to figure out which episode of “Trumpelthinskin World” would be the most fun to write about.

    There’s also the problem that the “bombshell on Tuesday” is just smoldering ash by Thursday or Friday … the guy’s a political suicide bomber with access to an unlimited number of vests!

    Thanks for all your support.

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