Land Ho … A Great American Land Grab

An unclaimed sliver of land is about to become the media center of world obsession.

If you ask Junior & Eric Trump … “Trump Tundra Ice-Golf & Spa … always on the move!” is perfect for a new Trump International investment.  They have yet to grasp that ice melts in water.  Damn science facts in their way again!

And keeping it “All in the Family,” President Trumplethinskin himself is chanting … “Make America Bigger Again … Make America Bigger Again!”

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In an unprecedented move, The Trump Organization, represented by that “Fab Duo,” Junior and Eric … petitioned the US State Department to take occupation of the Larsen C Ice Shelf when it separates from Antarctica.

Jumping at the opportunity for US expansion, President Thinskin, in a 3AM tweet, instructed Congress to immediately annex the Antarctic ice shelf as a US Territory … before it comes under the influence of Radical Islamic Terrorists … or even Russia.

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No single country owns Antarctica.  But no one thought that a frozen chunk … the size of Rhode Island … would break away from the continent.

Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, refused to comment on the J/E Trump request … even under his oft used alias.  But, State Department insiders revealed that he was overheard muttering, “What ever possessed me to say ‘yes’ to that f**king moron?”

The T-Rump sons are desperate to “make their bones” with their dad and get out from under his alleged small thumbs.  “Tundra Ice-Golf and Spa” seems like a money maker … to them!

As usual, Congress has yet to respond to the President’s tweet until he shows them evidence of ex-President Obama’s wiretapping.

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Unnamed sources, the only way to get news now, leaked that the President recently watched a Nat Geo rerun and was amazed to learn that seals loved ice and cold.

He thought they loved zoos.

Now, in place of his embattled Mexican Wall, he’s desperate to substitute a yuuge and bigly military training base for Navy Seal Team 6.

When the plan was revealed to DoD Secretary, James “Mad Dog” Mattis, a loud “WTF?” rumbled through the doors of his mega-secure office.

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Meanwhile muddying the international waters even more, US Intelligence leaked that Ruski troops are prepared to invade the mega ice cube the day it breaks from Antarctica.

Ownership of this largest source of cocktail ice is not clear to anyone … not even RE/MAX International.

Just sayin’ …

6 thoughts on “Land Ho … A Great American Land Grab

  1. Silly Richard!
    An ice shelf isn’t land. It’s pre-processed ice cubes…Ice cubes we all desperately need now that ‘Deal-Maker Don’ is in the Oval Office (when he’s not in Mar-a-Lago.)
    Nine out of ten climate scientists agree: Drinking heavily is the best way to cope with life in the Trumpian Age! As an extra side benefit, if the mini-Trumplets are kept busy busting up a massive hunk of frozen H20 the size of Rhode Island into pieces that will fit into a Manhattan glass, so much the better…and if they hire undocumented Mexican workers to do the deed, we won’t need that darned wall!
    Oh, waiter…….bring us another round, please!

    • Okay TL … You’ve discovered my secret … it’s all about the “cubes!”

      I’m sure you’re aware, though the young Trumps are not, that Iceland & Greenland actually sell water “harvested” from their glaciers … it’s ranked as one of the best waters on the market and sell for unbelievably exorbitant prices. The problems the Trumps have, is they’re not smart enuf to figure out how how to “cube it” since they flunked geometry and never read the Bible (Noah knew all about “cubits.”) … Also 10 outta 10 Bloggers agree that the only way to combat anything is to drink heavily! Thanks for reading!

  2. Firstly, I gotta say you are bringin’ it bigly in the age of Trumplethinskin (where everything ends in an exclamation point?)!

    Secondly, at the risk of running WAY OVER 140 characters, when I get to the end of today’s seriously absurd post, with my mind ROFLMAO, I see the following from your website:

    ONE THOUGHT ON “LAND HO … A GREAT AMERICAN LAND GRAB”

    I am laughingly thinking, “Yeah right, ‘Only ONE thought!’, maybe more like only one thought that has coalesced enough to be written in a way that could possibly be understood by the crazies that read Sir Richard’s weekly posts. Sure enough, it is written by your “friend” Tom Lloyd. If he’s really writing this stuff, that is. I’m beginning to wonder if he isn’t your “John Miller”. If not, you two should go on the road.

    Thirdly, I’m with the ice cube concept. Think about the economic opportunity of offering guests paying $1,000+ per night for a room(!) a cocktail/nightcap/morning OJ over ice that’s millions of years old. Surely, they’re worth another $1,000+ per cube, right!

    Just Sayin’ …

    • Silly Mike!
      Herr Huss is Herr Huss. I am but a quasi-sympathetic (and infinitely more bald) scribbler of words who, by sheer happenstance, is now marooned in the GOP stronghold of Vero Beach…(City Motto: Key West may be the southernmost place in the U.S. but ya can’t get any further to the right than Vero!)…

    • Hoha, Mike … I think you got it! There’s money to be made in them thar “Icey Burgs!” The real questions the brain limited male Trumpettes have, is how do they keep the damn massive ice cube from floating into warmer waters! Anchors? Ropes tied to 1,000 of illegal alien oarsmen in galley-like boats? No wait, I’ve got it … they’ll build a wall around it! That’s the ticket!

      Thanks for reading & commenting!

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