Worry … What me?

Worry has a way about it.  Almost everything I’ve worried about has had little or no impact on my life and in retrospect most of it’s been, “Seriously Absurd.”

Elementary school trying “to please” my parents … running with scissors, dodge ball, cursive, spelling tests … and the school bully.

I survived.

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Junior high school … trying “to please” my parents.

Making it to class without getting stuffed into a locker.  Passing Algebra … surviving shop class packed with Neanderthals … and wondering what I was supposed to do with the embarrassing rod that appeared in my pants just before I was called on to stand and recite something.

I moved on.

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High school I discovered what to do with the rod in my pants.  Crossed that off the list.  But, it seemed my parents were more difficult “to please.”

Trigonometry … big worry.

Couldn’t hit a curve ball which halted my march to major league baseball.

I didn’t worry about getting into college … I had “no plans” to go to college.  Then, all of a sudden I found myself in college.

Oops.

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My first two lectures freshman year … “Alienation from Self” followed by “Alienation from Society.”  I didn’t know I was so lonely.  I worried.

Got a “zero” on a math make-up exam.  The math prof worried about why I was in his class.

No worries about my Spanish classes, so decided Spanish would be my major … if they let me come back for a second year.  They did.

I still tried “to please” my parents.

I graduated.

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Suddenly I was an adult and had a dress-up job.

My adult worries multiplied exponentially … I worried about my worries.

My parents died … they’re off the list.

My children became tax-paying-fully-functioning adults.  Off the list.

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Now the government’s officially declared me “old.”

I have time, so now I worry about …

  • Why people like Kanye West.
  • Not being able to drink as much vodka as I used to.
  • Why we can’t call Trumplethinskin’s base “Deplorables.”
  • If Caitlyn Jenner is happier than Bruce.
  • Not having a Hollywood smile even though I use whitening strips.
  • Peeing 3-5 times a night.
  • Why Tom Brady bothered us about his missing jersey.
  • Going into a room and not knowing why … though I’ve done that since 3rd grade.
  • Why I make lists of things to do that will only make me worry.

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Age seems to have its rewards.  I laugh at my worries … now I can see it’s all  “seriously absurd.”

Just sayin’ …

27 thoughts on “Worry … What me?

    • Hi Virginia … Thanks for commenting … correct you are … every day I thank the gods that I’m as blessed as I am … my worries are trivial … But, it doesn’t mean that i can’t make mountains outta molehills! It seems very human to make things bigger than they actually are … that includes both worries and blessings. Big hugs to you.

  1. Huzzah, Herr Huss!
    You’ve summed up about six million years of “the evolution of man” far more succinctly than any anthropologist. Ever!
    (The evolution of women, of course, is far more complex and well beyond the grasp of those of us with that pesky “Y” chromosome…which is Y we worry so much in the first place. But that’s another column, altogether.)
    Anyway, kudos kiddo!

    • hey TL … thanks for readin’ and commenting. Yep, that effing Y chromosome trips me up everytime … Hey, was that just a “nasty boy joke” about the size of my Y chromosome? Just can’t keep us down … hee hee hee.

      Appreciate all your support …

    • Thanks Gail … Don’t know what you’re congratulating me for, but I accept all congrats without bias! I do appreciate your support, reading my stuff and acknowledging that I deserve congratulations for something …

  2. Particle or wave – you’re a force to be reckoned with. Worry? That’s just a little wobble in your trajectory, like running out of fresh limes. I worry that you’re getting so good that you will start charging us to read your blogs. 🙁

    • Hey Oops … thanks for all your efforts in keeping me productive! I can’t figure out how to charge anyone to read my stuff, so you’re safe on that score! And, what fun is a trajectory in life if it isn’t filled with a few wobbles?

  3. Like most kids, I thought I could play baseball. Thought. Tried out for my high school’s freshman team. Did fine fielding flies and grounders in the outfield. I had a really good throwing arm. too.

    Then they gave me three pitches to hit from the team’s best pitcher. ONLY THREE! I missed all three, and my baseball career was over before it even began.

    To this day, I still feel that was a very unfair tryout. I mean, even the Mighty Casey struck out on three pitches! 😀 😀 😀

    • Yep, Steve … It was a sad day in Mudville when the Mighty Casey whiffed … that’s one of my all time favorite ballads … not sure it qualifies as poetry, but it does paint a picture in your mind.

      While I was “deaning” in a small college, the commencement speaker based his entire address to the scrubby faced grads on “Casey at the Bat.” In 20+ years of commencements, that’s the only one I remember! He did not “strike out” and the kids loved it.

  4. Quid, Me Anxius Sum?

    I can’t wait until your serious absurdity evolves to the point of giving us a page we can print, fold lengthwise into thirds and have still another moment of absurd laughter.

    For Tom Lloyd – have you ever noticed that worry ends with a Y? Surely, there’s a chromosomal reason for that spelling, right?

    Cheers!

    • OMG Mike … I’m sure glad you kept your Latin to one phrase which I figured out without Dr. Google! I wonder if Al Newman (I’m on a familiar basis with him) got this blog? Thanks for reading and for all your support … and remember … “Erse quo ha-harius non-primum nyet understandarium de joculariatatum.” Put that in your Latin corn cob pipe and smoke it!

    • Hi Mike … I think Joy Sherrill or SJ Wright might have some info on that … I do remember being scared shitless after the lectures …

  5. what a good little read! i guess you could worry about why i, once an english teacher, have the urge to pencil “well done” in a margin. you are a hoot. don’t worry.
    still larfing,
    jeanne

    • Hi Jeanne … thanks for commenting. I know what you mean about “margin notes.” The only thing I don’t like about my Kendall reader is I cannot easily make notes in the text … and when I find an error, I have this tremendous urge to throw the ebook against the wall ’cause I can’t correct it!

      I appreciate your support …

  6. Well, friend Russ…seems like I’ve shared many of your “worries” throughout my life. But I did manage to avoid the “rod” worry until after I was married where I exchanged that worry for many others!
    Still worried…

    • Hi Kay … Thanks for “following me” on this blog. Yep, you know me … if I can throw a “bone” to my guy readers, I’ll do it! Isn’t it strange the way we feel like we have to cling to our worries … it’s kinda like a badge we wear … My worries are “bigger than yours” and much more “important!” I’ve read that worries are like using a rocking chair … a lot of effort and you stay in the same place!

      Out … out … damn worries!

  7. Alas, I too worry about seriously absurd things, and have the gray hair to prove it. Lately . . . it’s the gray hair that worries me. So I cover the gray, And then I worry that I’m not fooling anyone but myself. Now that’s “seriously absurd”.

    Good thing I don’t have bigger worries. Things like nuclear proliferation, poverty, the environment, and climate change would send me off the deep end.

    • Hi Vi … OMG … that last set of worries are only for the younger set who have the energy to worry massively.

      I’m very glad I’m old (gray hair and all) … I have no idea where I got all the energy to do what we did when we were young(er).

      Now, I look for the sweetest orange I can fresh squeeze for my version of a Margarita (The lime’s too acidic for my old tummy!) Fortunately, I can get Honeybelles year ’round now … Thank you to Chile!

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

  8. Thanks for another look at male behavior and the fragility of guys. I forgot that guys’ worries can be similar to girls’ fears.

    • Hey, Ella Girl! Yep … Guys’ worries are probably the inverse of girls’ fears … I really think I’ve been fortunate in that most of my worries have led to nothing really bad happening. My life highway has had a few speed bumps and pot holes … but I’ve dodged all the head on collisions that a lot of folks have faced.

      I really appreciate your support over the years … You duh Best!

  9. Wonderful column, Huss! I celebrated by watching a whole twelve minutes of a soap opera today! Now I know why people worry so much about what other people think of them, which, I guess, is worth knowing.

    • Hey PMartha … sometimes it’s the teeny-tiny rewards we give ourselves that are the best! Stealing those 12 minutes because you think you deserve them are the best minutes! Thanks for all your support …

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