45’s Amazing Disappearing Cabinet

“You’re fired!”

“You can’t fire me … I quit!”

This dialog, once reserved only for “The Apprentice,” now reverberates throughout the halls of the West Wing.

Who’s next to go?  Las Vegas odds makers placed “even money” on …

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Rex “I’ll-Never-Admit-I-Called-The-F**king-Moron-A-F**king-Moron” Tillerson

Steven “My-New-Wife’s-Really-Nice-Once-You-Get-To-Know-Her” Mnuchin

Ryan “I’ll-Get-That-Alaska-Senate-Witch-Yet” Zinke

Jeff “I’m-NOT-A-Keebler-Elf” Sessions, and

Scott “Wow-I-Never-Thought-They-Would-Get-Price” Pruitt.

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As for other Cabinet officers … their positions are inconsequential.  They might as well be ambassadors to Nambia or some other place 45 can’t pronounce, remember, or has made up in his not-so-fertile imagination.

Hey, Newt and his wife, Caligula … oops, I mean Callista, are hanging with Pope Frank in “The Vat” … that’s not a bad gig.

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Cabinet members make a lousy $199,700 … so the big question is:  Who would be stupid enough to put up with 45 for that?  The Speaker of the House gets $237,500 and better vacation time … plus, he doesn’t have to perform a daily pucker-and-plant on 45’s big fat ass.

Switch-out rumors flew through the White House Press Corps about 45’s “first lady” – Ivana – replacing Tillerson.  According to leaks, 45 thought she’d be a shoo-in … a “natural” with her “yuuge and biggly” thick foreign accent.

Melania quickly squelched that when she bitch-slapped her Balkan cousin last week like only the real First Lady could!

Then she gave 45 “that look” … and he caved in a New York minute.

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From his perch high atop Breitbart, Steve “I’m-Still-The-Power-Behind-The-Thrown” Bannon suggested 45 hold a “Red State Lottery” and pick someone from his base to be the next member of his cabinet.

Pick now … replace later … that way there’d be a smooth transition when a vacancy occurred.

Qualifications?  Fuh-ged-about-‘em!  No one in the current cabinet’s qualified.

Security clearances?  Not a problem … just ask Jared to help fill out the security forms.

At least there’d be one person in 45’s base who actually got one of the jobs he promised during his campaign … and government health care, too.

It’s a win-win!

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And, there’s always room for another retired general in the cabinet.  According to census data 4,700 of ‘em are still alive and kicking … and looking for a war … any war!

And if that doesn’t float your boat, past contestants from “Apprentice” have all written their names on slips of paper and tossed them in a hat which sits on 45’s “Oval Orifice” desk.

The possibilities appear to be endless.

Just sayin’ …

10 thoughts on “45’s Amazing Disappearing Cabinet

    • Hi Gail … Thanks for reading … This was an easy one given all the folderol from the media about 45’s cabinet, their travel costs and their press clippings.

      I wanted to work Joanie Ernst’s (Iowa Senator) campaign ad of castrating the farm hogs into the blog, but couldn’t figure out a way to do it without castrating Tillerson … again!

      Thanks for your support …

  1. Maybe it’s just a fig newton of my amalgamation but somehow I get the impression you’re less-than-impressed with the minions of the man in the White House. Is that fair to Despicable He? After all, if he’s got a cabinet that’s all “Ooey, gooey, rich and chewy on the inside” and “cakey, flakey on the outside,” what more does he need?

    • Aha TL … You’ve done it again … what a description of the Cabinet … It’s a tossup whether they’re a bunch of Ding Dongs or Twinkies!

      Maybe I can do another “Cabinet Blog & Bakery” piece … Thanks for the tip … and all your support.

  2. Grateful you are back at your absurdly best. The epithets you gave the cabinet and members and Bannon are brilliant. After watching news this week and the new Blade Runner, I needed a laugh. Thanks, Richard.

    • Hi GL … I’ve been forewarned about the new “Blade Runner.” If you saw the first one, which was bad … this one’s worse. I didn’t see the first one, so I think I’ll pass on the 2nd … especially if it drove you to read my Blog for a “laff fix.” Couldn’t handle the depression it must cause. Thanks for all your support and for checkin’ in on me.

  3. Great column, Richard. And I’d be laughing even louder if 45 and his abominable cabinet’s policies weren’t so disastrous! As one caller commented recently about Scott “Get Outa Jail Free” Pruitt and his EPA “leadership”: “This administration is literally trying to kill us!”

    • Hey, Snake … Thanks for reading. I’m not worried about nuclear war … I worried about 45’s Nuclear Cabinet.

      Behind the scenes of his bizarre behavior, they’re busy little dwarfs dismantling all the services provided for us by the govt. Nobody hears a word from Perry or DeVoss as they burn through their cabinet work leaving a “Sherman thru Georgia” landscape behind them. These folks are Devastators Unlimited!

      Until next week … stay above ground and laff at the absurdity!

    • Hi Maggie … Thanks for taking a look at my Blog … Yep, Mari did great on the art work again. Loved the lipstick painted on the Cabinet members as much as the planted puckers on 45’s big fat ass!

      I appreciate your support … Tune in next week … it’s a politics free zone … but seriously absurd as well.

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