Grudge Match: God vs Bill O’Reilly

Bill O’Reilly, Fox Broadcasting’s arbiter of moral values and women’s private parts, has had it with God.

“You know, am I mad at God?  Yeah, I’m mad at him,” O’Reilly said in a recent podcast after being outted for his 32 million dollar sexual harassment settlement.

Meanwhile from on high, Heavenly Leakers spread the word … O’Reilly may be mad … but God’s eternally pissed.

After Mr. O’Reilly’s grandstand play … God’s on a mission to teach O’Reilly a lesson for all-time … up close and personal!

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It’s clear O’Reilly’s missed the whole Adam-Eve-Eden-scandal of original sin … man’s falling from grace.

God’s decided that it’s gonna take a good ‘ole fashioned ass whuppin’ to convince the wrinkled-prune-of-a-dried-up-wannabe-sex-symbol, that if your arms aren’t long enough to box with God … you shouldn’t!

Here’s the message delivered to the masses though his Son and manager …  “God’s Ready to Rumble!”

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“In this digital age, we’re not sending Moses to lay down a few simple rules of the road to a wandering ragtag Lost Tribe,” says Jesus.

No clay tablets here … look for a mass worldwide broadcast in 3D on HTV … that’s Heavenly TV to you Heathens, Pagans and non-believers.

“There’s only one way to settle this … and that’s to climb in the ring with the Supreme Gladiator … God the Father.

“Watch God ‘Open a can of Whup Ass’ on O’Reilly for only $6.66 … which includes two pair of 3D glasses.

“Dad just wants to get O’Reilly into the ring with Him.  We’re way beyond a Sunday School lesson with this guy.

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At the prefight weigh in, which was a formality since God has no measureable physical form, the Gladiator Supreme and the One-Who-Denigrates-Women faced off.

God suggested that Mr. O’Reilly, clearly the underdog, review the Old Testament and come to the fight Samson-like … armed with the jawbone of an ass … or emulate David with a few smooth flat river rocks and a sling.

O’Reilly implored God to take this opportunity to show His magnanimity and forgiveness to “Man-Kind” starting with him … Bill O’Reilly.

That produced a laugh from the Almighty One that rocked the heavens and sent O’Reilly scurrying rat-like back to his locker room hidey-hole … for more “locker room talk.”

The last words heard from O’Reilly were … “Tell Him I’ll donate 32 million to any church he wants … I promise.  I swear.  Oh, please God … it’ll be a ‘Deal made in Heaven!’”

Just sayin’ …

8 thoughts on “Grudge Match: God vs Bill O’Reilly

      • Oops, my man … Don’t offer me such good lines after I’ve posted my Blog. “Pray for View TV” is a whole lot better than “Heavenly TV.” Am I gonna hafta send you drafts of my Blog before posting?

        Thanks for reading … I do like your PVTV!

    • Hi TL … I agree … when I saw him on the news as a part of his podcast, he really looked old and worn out … what a difference professional makeup & lighting does for an ugly old white man!

      Wonder what his podcast viewership is? Most old white male viewers don’t even know what a podcast is much less how to watch one on their computer …

      Thanks for reading and commenting

  1. Yes, Richard, “God’s Ready to Rumble” with the “wrinkled-prune-of-a-dried-up-wannabe-sex-symbol” is seriously absurd. Have you noticed that those who shall not be named are even more seriously absurd than you are?

    • Hi Lee … Thanks for commenting … I can’t keep up with the absurdities … and, most times I feel that my observations are far less absurd than the realities that constantly occur.

      This I know … I’m sure having fun and don’t feel like I’m gonna run out of material … Appreciate your support, Lee

  2. Late but still reading!
    Yes, I’m sure that God is asking Herself, “Don’t these arrogant dumb asses know I see/hear everything?!”
    First it was trump: “I’m completely innocent, but I’m still handing over $25M in settlement charges to avoid a nasty I-might-go-to-prison fraud trial.”
    Then it was o’reilly assuring his Fox “News” coolaid-guzzling, brain-dead devotees: “Me, too, only I’ll raise the Swindler-in-Chief with a $32M settlement!”
    And now o’reilly is mad at God??!
    I didn’t go to law school, but when you agree to a settlement of massive $ proportions, doesn’t that kinda admit, “I’m guilty as hell, but I’m certainly not admitting to any wrongdoing”?
    And speaking of hell, I hope these two clowns get adjoining penthouse suites.

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