My New Favorite Xmas Carol

Borrowed from the original, “The Christmas Song,’ written in 1945 by Bob Wells and Mel Tormé, it’s more commonly known as “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.”

Feel free to sing this repeatedly … but be warned, it may become and “ear worm” throughout your Happy Holidays … Oops, I mean “Merry Christmas.”

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TRUMP NUTS

Trump nuts roasting on an open fire …

Bob Mueller nipping at his toes

West Wing staffers “sing,” but not in a choir

Wonderin’ who’s wired from foot to nose.

 

We all know he is the biggest Turkey

He helps himself to all that he can steal

Tiny little fingers sending tweets that are snarky

While he dines on his Big Mac MAGA meal.

 

He knows that prison’s on its way

Filled with pred-a-tory sexers out to play

And every woman’s sure to cast her vote

To see if we can dump him from our boat.

 

And to Mueller we offer this simple plea

“Lock ‘em up” until he’s 93.

You know it’s been said many times many ways

He’s a big fat liar with his pants ablaze.

 

And so I’m offering us this simple thought

To all who really, really care

We’ll shout and shout when he’s finally caught …

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas … to us!

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Yeah … I know … if I had a “Day Job,” I shouldn’t quit it.

Merry Christmas to all … and to all a Good Life!

Just sayin’ …

The “War on Christmas” is over!

Ho, ho, ho … “45’s” declared that the “War on Xmas is over!”

My Vision:

“45” appears in front of the National Christmas Tree wearing a flight jacket donning a military cap … arms raised in front of a banner declaring:

“I’ve Put the Baby Jesus Back in Christmas!”

“He-Who-Temporarily-Resides-in-the-White-House” is flanked by representatives from each of the service branches … decked in boughs of holly … and full battle regalia.

There is no Baby Jesus in a manger … no Baby Jesus swaddled in Mary’s virginal arms … no Baby Jesus gifted by Wise Men.

For sure, there’s no Rudolph in the scene.

It’s all about “45.”

My Reality:

Reporters at the Thursday evening National Tree lighting couldn’t help but notice that photos of the crowd size replicated the empty seats of “45’s” inauguration.

Maybe folks were busy with on-line shopping, or filling the malls spending wildly to keep the hot wheels of our economy spinning … eagerly anticipating their “big fat Christmas present” tax cut.

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In lieu of a traditional ginger bread house, FLOTUS Melania opted for a replica of the White House constructed from 300 pounds of dough … featuring her signature wreaths.

Press representatives started a pool on whether the ginger bread White House was “gluten free.”

The Twitter-sphere was swamped with snarky comparisons to past FLOTUS gingerbread White Houses.  I’m glad we have nothing better to do than diss gingerbread houses … the least edible item ever baked.

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At the Friday White House Christmas party for the press corps, “45” took two minutes to address his “friends in the media.”  He then spent another 2-3 minutes shaking hands with the FOX contingency before he left the party.

Noticeably absent were senior cabinet officials … though Kelly, Huckabee-Sanders and Conway did make brief “Merry Christmasy” appearances.

Also noticeably absent was any reference to the birth of the Baby, immaculate conception or concerns about newly dubbed “Turncoat Flynn” … though it was reported that the press practiced saying “Merry Christmas” aloud without fear of repercussions.

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Yes … it’s that time of the year and I’m sure glad that I can run around my neighborhood wishing everyone a Merry Christmas while I …

Search the heavens for North Korean nuclear missiles …

Dodge illegal aliens sneaking into our country because we don’t have a border wall …

Prepare my bank deposit slip for my “big fat tax cut” …

and … BTW “45,” I really am tired of all the winning you promised me … I’m sooo tired of winning!

Just sayin’ …