Pick me … Pick me!

A new reality show’s stormin’ through our lives!

Cities across the US are soiling themselves … prostrate at the multi-billion dollar feet of Amazon’s Jeff Bezos … Tech’s answer to “The Greatest Showman.”

He’s turned Amazon’s search for a second headquarters (HQ2) into an Olympics site selection extravaganza.

And the “Grand Prize” is … to be the “Chosen One!”

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Chicago promised an “Amazon Sports Stadium” … they should’ve thrown in the Cubbies, the Bears and the White Sox.  Who wants another stadium?

New York took a page from Trump protestors lighting-up the face of the Empire State Building in Amazon Orange!  They should’ve done a light show on Trump Tower … “Orange-on-Orange!”

Sly James, Kansas City’s mayor on the Missouri side … ordered 1,000 items from Amazon and posted reviews for each one.  If KC’s not chosen, will he return them?

Birmingham … posted photos of huge ugly brown Amazon boxes in front of downtown office sites.  Clearly they’re still suffering from the taint of Judge Roy Moore.  They’re out of the running … thank the gods!

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Unlike the Olympics, the winner of the Bezos Sweepstakes won’t be left with acres of shoddy housing … unusable rinks and stadiums … not to mention millions of dollars of debt.

Instead, “City Fathers and Mothers” may just find themselves in a deeper s**thole … to borrow a recently popularized phrase.

Ask the folks who used to live in the quaint areas of the Silicon Valley, San Francisco and Seattle.  Now most are lucky if they can find a room for $1500/month.

The “E-tail Collosus” needs over eight million square feet … that’s a lot of conveyor belts, pallets and boxes.  They estimate a work force in excess of 50,000 … that’s a lot of people to absorb.

And our US Postal Service is already “going postal” … trying to keep up with my Amazon habit!

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Given Bezos’ demographic requisites … I think Mount Dora has a shot at this insanity.

Population Center?  We’re midway between the Florida coasts … part of the I-4 corridor  … 1,000,000+ population.  Check!

Education?  Southern Tech right in our back yard … an undefeated UCF football team in Orlando. Check!

Transportation Hub?  “Leesburg International Airport” 20 minutes away … rail service to Tavares.  Double-Check!

Local Culture?  We offer a carefully balanced blend of redneck and subtle sophistication … mixture of evangelicals and women’s marchers … retirees and young families … along with a sprinkling of LBGTQ and a modicum of homeless.  Check!

And we can easily destroy our tacky citrus groves for expansion … Just ask Walt and “The Mouse!”

Just sayin …

8 thoughts on “Pick me … Pick me!

  1. Holy frijoles, Richard! I don’t know beans (holy or otherwise) about Amazon’s plans…but be careful what you ask for!
    If Amazon were to bring 50,000 workers to town, there’s a very real chance that the number of BOILED PEANUT stands in the area will EXPLODE…and that’s a (culinary) disaster NO ONE should endorse!

    • Hey TL … A mixed metaphor of beans (frijoles) and boiled peanuts is very seriously absurd! Thanks for reading and i appreciate your support … with or without legume references … holy or otherwise.

    • Hi Gail … 50,000 educated and well paid “immigrants” in NC would definitely change the state! It would also make their Carolina friends to the south insanely jealous and perhaps even drive Lindsay Graham right over the edge.

      I think they’ll land in Atlanta and make their current state of road rage worse … maybe even raising it to felony status!

      Thanks for reading …

  2. Indianapolis is one of those cities vying for HQ2. 50,000 jobs sounds great at first, but a huge hike in real estate prices as well as traffic is a significant downside. And I don’t know how much the city is offering them in tax breaks which, being Amazon, they really don’t need! But I’m sure our city leaders are falling all over themselves to get it.

    • Hi Joy … Thanks for reading … Not being shy, Bezos and Amazon are asking for “yuuge & bigly” tax breaks … some areas simply can’t afford to have the Amazonians relocate in their regions. I’m also of the opinion that your now Ambassador to Nowhere ex-governor has poisoned the Indiana well for any business relocation for a long while.

      Sorry … but I think Alabama has a better shot than you do … and they don’t even want Amazon in their state.

  3. Louisiana or Mississippi. Both states heavy duty poverty. Both underdeveloped economically. Both have loads of un-used land that can be built upon without major ecological disruption. Both have heavily diverse populations. Both need improvement in school systems and a lowering of crime rates.
    Just for starters, look up the crime rate, the stats for incidents of violent behavior against a person who lives in Laurel MS. Main driver of all that is poverty, aside from bad habits passed down through the poverty chain. Arkansas fits this pattern, too, but LA an MI are both easy access to I-55 with is far less congested than I-95, and shoots straight through the center of the USA.
    And most people in both of those states are decent in how they treat one another on a daily basis. Smiling and saying hello are not passe there!

    • Hi PMartha … Thanks for reading and commenting. Amazon has no intention of contributing to society in the ways you have described. They want tax breaks and existing infrastructure and expect the state to provide it … that means “no go” for the states you mentioned.

      Appreciate your support … Thanks

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