Extreme Curling

If you think I’m talking about hair styles and gel art … think again oh, icicle licking one!

With a gold medal performance by the Americans at the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics, curling has taken over the US of A faster than a Trumpian Tweetfest.

And in our own typical yuuge and biggly fashion … we’ve taken to this extreme like only Seriously Absurd can … to “Make Curling Great Again.”

Think pizzazz … glamour … glitter … bodies colliding … crowds roaring … and yes, it’s a whole new sexy high fashion scene for the new ECCA (Extreme Curling Clubs of America) … get in on the ground floor … franchise information available on request.


The ECCA has inked a multi-million dollar contract with Jeff Beezos to bring live curling into every American living room … den, garage, family room, kitchen, breakfast nook, and bathroom.

If you’ve got a video device, you’ll be watching the blood-and-guts action of Extreme Curling … brought to you by Amazon Prime and Whole Foods.

Over a two-year span, Beezos promises a Curling Court in the parking lot of every Whole Foods.  He’s definitely got the room since no one’s shopping there anymore!

Plus, how much runway does a delivery drone need?


Throw away those tacky little sissy brooms.  We’re introducing Commando-Brooms … brooms that whisk so damn fast you can’t see the bristles.

No more chunky Swedes, Danes or Norwegians on ECCA ice.  Extreme Curling demands the body of Adonis … guys … or the body of Athena … gals.

It also demands the brains of Einstein … without the hair!  We’re talking physics with physiques!

This is glamour-sex-dripping curling … costuming by Vera Wang, Gucci, Donna Karan for the She-males and Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, Versace for the He-males.  Think skin!


ECCA promises to make the WWE look like Romper Room.

The new curling courses are pitfalls of body slams, choke holds, pile drivers … blood-on-the-ice action with every push of the stone.

Big Pharma’s leading the charge when you compete in the ECCA.  No more whining about drug disqualifications  … steroids and PEDs are what’s for breakfast … and lunch … and dinner!


And to jack up the excitement, ECCA stones are designed by a select munitions committee from Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, Boeing, and Leggo.

Exploding stones … fire bomb stones … napalm stones add “boom-boom” to the ice.

ECCA bi-laws, however, forbid “dirty bomb” stones, mustard or chlorine gas stones, and cluster bomb stones.  Collateral damage wrecks audience participation!


So all you curling wannabes … get your butts off the couch.  Embrace the sex and mayhem added to curling … and head to the ECCA closest to you!

Just sayin’ …

12 thoughts on “Extreme Curling

  1. roz on March 2, 2018 at 5:18 pm said:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    Reply ↓
    uh oh…
    I saw the word “moderation”
    at 1st Glimpse as:
    are we affected by what is going on around us?
    You Betcha…
    (some more than others… i have very low grade paranoia)

    • Hi Roz … Thanks for reading … LGP? I thought everyone had that … Isn’t that when you keep glancing behind you because someone IS following you?My goal is to keep from being screwed by someone down to “one time per quarter” … so, if I’m screwed 4Xs a year, it’s been a good year.

      Oh … and yes, curling requires ice but unlike that other ice sport, hockey, it does not require body checks or loss of front teeth because you’ve eaten too many pucks!

  2. Silly me! I’d always thought “curling” was something done with 12 oz. cans of beer…preferably while devouring nachos, Fritos and assorted other commercially available, calorie-laden O’s…while perched precariously on a bar stool!
    Kudos, Oh, Seriously Absurd One! Clearly you are destined to become the Vince McMahon of yet another “EXTREME” sport. I’m ready.
    (Pass the Cheetos, please.)

    • Hey TL … Thanks for all your support … It’s not really a sport unless it involves large quantities of beer and larger quantities of salty snacks! So, I my book, Curling will never be a “sport” … unless of course you add my extremist regs to it. I really think the team with the stone should have to bodily fight off defenders … that makes it kinda like hockey but at a slower more gentlemanly pace.

      • Silly Dickie! Drink enough beer and the pace will slow all by itself….though the frequency of “potty breaks” will increase exponentially over time…..

    • Hi NBR … Thanks for reading and for all your support … I’ll admit it … had to look it up! But I still regard it as an accomplishment … Now, if I could only pronounce it!

  3. Curling is a wonderful sport. At least in Canada. When I spent months at a time in Nova Scotia, I discovered it and enjoyed watching it immensely.

    • Hi PMartha … I’ve never seen “live curling.” But, my real question is: Is it as exciting as the ribbon twirling rhythmic gymnastics in the Summer Olympics? Thanks for reading …

  4. Hi PMartha … I’ve never seen “live curling.” But, my real question is: Is it as exciting as the ribbon twirling rhythmic gymnastics in the Summer Olympics? Thanks for reading …

  5. Hah! It’s far more exciting!!! And I am a person who loves gymnastics (despite having my heart broken in half over recent events in that field).
    Curling takes time to get the “feel” of it. Sadly, this dame can’t keep her balance on ice anymore, or I may have even tried it a few times. The social life surrounding it in Canada is just awesome. Lots of laughs, and, of course, beer and singing, too.
    Wonder if anyone reading your blog is a fanatic about speed-skating, as I am. Still recovering from all the late, late nights this winter Olympics. What a show!!!

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