Devil asks God for a Summit …

Summits are in vogue … everybody wants one … even the Devil … in his case, with God.

Location … heaven …  God at his desk … bright-red-hot-line phone pulsates … destroys God’s moment of Zen … ringtone’s “There’ll be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight!”

He presses “Talk” and says, “Whaz-zup, Beelz?” … playing the black hipster this time.

The Devil sighs at God’s little joke.  “We gotta meet.  Call it a ‘Summit’ … or whatever.”

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God’s leg’s jiggling a mile-a-minute as he waits impatiently for the Devil.  He picked Altitude Sky Lounge, a rooftop bar in San Diego, based on Yelp reviews.

God likes to support His creations … He thought Yelp was a good one.

In strolls the Devil … sporting a full-length animal fur … anyplace out-of-Hell is freezing to Beelzebub … besides, he loves splash and spectacle when he comes out to play on earth.

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The Devil says nothing … sits and glares.  He hates that God can be anyone, anywhere, anytime … and always seems to enjoy Himself … so cool.

“I’ll come right to the point GD” … the Devil always refers to God as “GD” … as in God Damn … which he loves because when God damns someone, it’s another one way ticket punched for Hell.

“I need more space.

“The way things’re going on earth, we can’t keep up.  I’ve got a crisis on my hands down there.  You gotta create about 25% more space for me just for the current US government.”

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“C’mon, Beelz … you can’t be that close to capacity.  I know it seems a bit out of hand now, but don’t you think Mueller’s gonna make a dent in things?  And we’ve got the midterms coming up.  Give it a little more time.”

“Are you crazy, Old Man?  At the rate Mueller’s going and the GOP’s not going … BTW, I love that baby snatching … Trump’s got some balls don’t he?

“I’m expecting an influx that’ll make border crossings look like a snail parade.

“And these folks are complainers … c’mon.

“Manafort’s already pissy about no sheets for his jail cot … that twerp Pruitt … not to mention that complete A-hole, Corey Lewandowski!

“And I haven’t even gotten to pundits and GOP congressional leaders.

“I really think I’m too old for this shit.”

***********************************

“Funny you should mention that,” replies God.

“I was just thinking that we might switch you out for some fresh blood … so to speak.

“Someone who’s really despicable … someone like …”

“The 45th President?” interrupts the Devil.

God smiles … “If you’re ready, I think we can snag him.”

The Devil smiles and asks, “How soon?”

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Just sayin’ …

10 thoughts on “Devil asks God for a Summit …

  1. Better practice holding your breath, Richard. Secret Service gonna flag this as a threat to POTUS and show up on your doorstep with a waterboard.

    • Hmmm … Don’t waterboard the messenger … the threat came from Almighty God … and he won’t fit on any gubmint waterboard …

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Oops …

  2. OMG, Friar Huss!
    I’m impressed an old fart like you, (see yesterday’s birthday post on FB), has enough tech savvy to listen-in on God’s phone calls! Kudos. Not too shabby at all for a Seriously Absurd Cistercian Monk!
    Keep dipping that quill pen into the ink well! Funny stuff!

    • Hey TL … thanks for reading … BUT, you coulda compared me to a Benedictine monk … they were responsible for Dom Perignon! The Cistercians were only responsible for the cisterns according to the Huss Book of Holy Orders!

      Appreciate the kudos …

  3. You got some real humdingers in this one, don Ricardo! Really good, clever stuff…
    “There’ll be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight, Beelz, God likes to support His creations … He thought Yelp was a good one.” Thanks for making my morning.

    • Thanks for reading GL … had some fun with my two favorite Supreme Beings … thought “Beelz” was pretty good.

      I thought of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” after the blog was posted … Hot Time was good, but Ring of Fire better … Thanks for all your support … Abrazos

  4. Hey Ho, Roz … Glad I could get a LOL to you for a spot of fun … appreciate your reading my shit … don’t blow off any fingers over the 4th!

  5. Pruitt’s gonna get a room labeled Spritz-Carlton, furnished with rancid Trump Steaks for a mattress and infused with an overabundance of perfumed hand lotion … Thanks for another laugh while smh!

    • Hey Mike … thanks for reading “Devil & God” … loved your response … I immediately envisioned a fancy “Trump Steak Quilt” made specially for Pruitt … sorry he’s gone before the mid-terms … but we should still have tons of video we can edit … “Gone but not Forgotten” Scott Pruitt …

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