I’m Glad I’m a Guy … Human Type

There are times when I’m really glad I’m a guy … a human guy!

George M. Cohan, told us that “The birds do it … bees do it … even educated fleas do it.”

It’s true … every morning I stroll along the shores and boardwalk of Lake Dora, one of the larger lakes in Central Florida.

I refer to it as the “Gators’ Single Bar”  ‘cause the gators are out in force … sunning, strutting, bellowing … and occasionally “roughing it up” with one another.

Recently, I walked out our front door and literally stumbled over two wise Bard Owls engaged in a feather flying “love smack down” … right in my driveway!

All this Mother Nature activity, emboldened Seriously Absurd’s “Crack-Love-Research Staff” to look into some of the more strange and absurd humping habits among the species.

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The Praying Mantis pays a dear price for his sexual fling.

Mama Mantis subscribes to the idea that “If you bug me enough you’ll get what you deserve.”

Scientific rumor has it that while Joe Mantis is literally losing his head … thanks to the Missus … his sexual fervor is heightened so he’s assured of successfully completing the act.

Whoopie … she gets mantis kids … and he gets dead!

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How about exploding genitals.  Exploding genitals?

Yep … in the honeybee hive, only the Drones get to “get it on” with the Queen Bee.  But wait … there’s a price to pay for being one of “the chosen!”

Apparently the successful insemination of the Queen requires that the Drone’s sperm be “locked” into the Queen’s body cavity.  The Drone’s genitals … mainly his penis … explode during the act thus sealing the Queen’s cavity from the competition.

I think we can assume that post-penile-explosion the now “dickless” Drone falls to the wayside … and becomes ant fodder.

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Then there’re those kinky porcupines.

The male spots a potential mate and promptly pees all over her … looking for a “go ahead signal” from her!

Okay … scientists explain it away as a “pheromone thing” which helps her determine if he’s “worthy.”

I dunno about you … but that just sounds like a “Trump Moscow Thing” to me!

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So I’m glad I’m a human male and don’t have to deal with “off with my head,” an exploding dick, or what would happen to me if I peed all over my mate … all for the sake of “love.”

Just sayin’ …

10 thoughts on “I’m Glad I’m a Guy … Human Type

    • Crap … you’re right … even went back and re-checked it … don’t know why I read Cohan when it says clearly … Cole Porter

      Thanks for reading … paying attention … and commenting!

    • Hey Rick … I tried real hard not to make a political comment … but it just slipped out … the dude in the White House permeates everything with his slime …

      Thanks for reading & commenting …

    • Hi Gail … the blog wasn’t that “gross” … unless you’re the male mantis, the drone or Mizzus Porcupine … what was gross was that I actually Googled the song, and read “Cole Porter” as “Cohan” … that was gross!

      Thanks for reading … and for correcting my gross error!

  1. I have no doubt that your seriously absurd counterpart in the praying mantis world is writing about how he’s glad he’s a male … a praying mantis male. He then goes on to write something along the lines of, “Can you imagine living after you have successfully done your part to maintain the species? I just don’t think I could go on!”

    • Hi Mike … Thanks for reading … actually I think my male counterpart in the “world of mantae” would be running around like a “mantis with his head off!” But I appreciate your support while I let my mantis fantasy run rampant … wonder what Mizzus Porcupine thinks about all this? HUSS

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