Beauty … not what it seems

Blame it all on Phineas T. Barnum.  He held the first modern beauty pageant in 1854.

Though public outrage forced Barnum’s sideshow pageant to close down, beauty pageants have continued to pop up their vexatious little voyeuristic heads … providing profits for men.

And ample opportunities as outlets for male puerile behavior to ogle eye-candy and grope, fondle, handle, hug, and grab ‘em by the “whatevers” … all in the name of big bucks!

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There’s one thing that’s brought dramatic change to beauty pageants … and

it’s not the “Talent” portion of the show!

It’s modern surgery … which has blurred the lines of “the natural beauty” of the contestants.

“Barnum’s Babes” didn’t go in for body sculpting, nips and tucks, or plastic surgery … all of which are commonplace today.

Today’s contestants are “store-bought-bust-out-retail” models displaying their surgeons deft hand skills or advanced robotic skills … led by Venezuela which boasts more pageant winners than any other country … six Miss Universe titles, six Miss Internationals and six Miss Worlds.

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If it’s beauty pageant “role reversal” you want, take a hike to Niger … after the rainy season.

That’s when the men of the Saharan nomadic Wodaabe Tribe spend days parading in front of the tribal women vying to be among the “chosen.”

This is more than a beauty contest … this is annual preparation for “mate selection!”  And the women are the judges!

Women have all the power when it comes to sex in the Wodaabe tribe … talk about “performance anxiety!”

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Jump to the animal kingdom … specifically camels … surely one of the ugliest animals on earth.

In Saudi Arabia the annual King Abdulaziz Camel Festival commands huge financial prizes for the “Most Beautiful Camel” … and it’s rife with physical and surgical enhancements to the competing camels.

What?  People actually try to make a camel “better looking?”

Apparently the tilt of the beast’s ears, the size of its nose and poutiness of lips are primary factors in judging the “beauty-in-the-beast.”

Enter Botox and nip-and-tuck procedures … both of which are illegal in this pageant.  Is nothing sacred?

And now we have a scandal ridden camel beauty pageant … where 12 camels and owners were disqualified last year.

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My guess is trying to make a camel cute started with that cutesy provocative cartoonish ad featuring “Joe Camel” promoting Camel cigarettes.

That was one alluring camel!

But … just like PT Barnum’s Babes … “public outrage” also ended Joe Camel’s short reign of beauty … which makes me think that there are times when “s**t happens for a reason.”

Just sayin’ …

2 thoughts on “Beauty … not what it seems

  1. Damn. Now I’ll never be able to watch “Lawrence of Arabia” again without suspecting some kind of illicit relationship between Peter O’Toole, Omar Sharif & Anthony Quinn and their respective rides!
    Clearly spelunking through the caverns of the Hussian mind can be hazardous to your mental health…thought it may well be quite good for your funny bone.
    Only a seriously absurd individual could have conjured something like this!
    Loved it.

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