Step Away from that Chicken!

I can hear the Poultry Police now … “Okay Lady, drop the chicken!  Put your hands in the air and step away from that chicken!”

Sound crazy?  Not so much.

You never know who out there’s a Chicken Hugger … or worse, a Chicken Licker … or Kisser!

The next person you pass on the sidewalk, or offer a friendly hug … or worse a peck-peck on the cheeks … may be, could be … a Chicken Hugger!

And before you get your gender-bias-panties in a wad, understand that the statistics … yes there’s data … indicate that overwhelmingly women are more apt to fall into the category of “Chicken Huggers and/or Kissers” than are men!

A big feathery thank you to the Seriously Absurd crack Backyard Chicken Farmer Data Collection Team!

************************

The Centers for Disease Control predicts that we may be in for a challenging battle with a pesky zoonotic disease outbreak!

Aha, you say … WTF is a zoonotic disease?

Well, SA and the CDC have that answer … zoonotic diseases are the ones that can be passed from an animal to a human.

And, yes Ms. Backyard Chicken Farmer … that includes your pretty little flock of cute and cuddly peeps and cluck-clucks … the Typhoid Mary’s of at least 10 of the main zoonotic diseases.

*************************

The recent suburban rage of backyard chicken farming and the subsequent anthropomorphizing of said birds have the CDC … and this Blogger … very concerned.

It’s one thing to make sure your coop’s clean enough for your chickens.  It’s another thing to be cuddling, kissing and licking your birds.

Live chickens are not … I repeat … are not “finger lickin’ good” … in spite of what that fat, old, white, Southern Colonel tells you!

And lips that have brushed a chicken … shall not brush mine!

***************************

I know it’s cute and a lot of fun to name your birds.  And they do help control the gecko population.

We know you surreptitiously give them the run of your house.  And for the umpteenth time, you invite them to share your lap and La-Z-Boy to watch the 2016 release of “Chicken People” … which BTW earned top ratings from the Rotten Tomatoes movie critics.

But … the fact is they’re still chickens … they scratch around in chicken s**t … they eat bugs … they peck in their droppings … and I’ve never seen one in a bird bath.

Which gives new meaning to that hackneyed expression … “You dirty bird!”

Just sayin’ …

3 thoughts on “Step Away from that Chicken!

  1. Beware, Richard! You not only risk the wrath of PETA here…BUT ALSO the ire of radical revisionist Macbeth fans. I mean, change one little letter in those bubbling caldron scenes and you get “Fair is foul and fowl is fair.”

  2. Stick to politics, Dad! You don’t know a damn thing about a girl’s relationship with her backyard flock, 😉
    Love, your crazy chicken lady daughter, who-has-helped-develop-the largest data base-of backyard flock health records-with UT vet hospital- in east TN- because she really does care about zoonotic diseases & the health/welfare ALL women and their backyard flocks ( & the Guys, too) -but-will-still-kiss-her-chickens. 😘🐓 LMAO, love ya

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *