Geraldo’s Back … and yelling, “Vault, vault? Did someone mention a vault?”

In an unanticipated Reality TV coupe de tȃte, diehard Trumpest Geraldo Rivera has volunteered to seek out the alleged documents sealed in David Pecker’s National Enquirer safe.

Leaning on the success he had with the search for Al Capone’s vault … Geraldo’s busy seeking a TV special broadcast contract with anybody who will return his calls.

Trump has already tweeted that he thinks Geraldo’s a “nice guy and fully capable of cracking Pecker’s safe.”  Trump also disavows all knowledge of the contents of the safe.

Pecker was not available for comment.

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Rumors abound about the safe’s contents.

According to the FBI it most likely contains self incriminating love letters between Trump and his BFF, Vladie Boy.

According to the three top FBI agents in the history of the Bureau … Comey, Strzok and McCabe … the safe could contain copies of the Selfies used by Vlad depicting Trump in compromising situations with the Russian President … and his horse … without shirts.

Pecker was available … but refused to comment.

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Congressional Republican Devin Nunes, chair of the House Intelligence Committee … a misnomer if there ever was one … and the guy who has stated that it’s his mission to singlehandedly derail the Mueller investigation … has called a special meeting of the Committee to require Democrats on the committee to find the safe, secure the documents, and deliver them directly to him so he can sneak them to the Oval office in the dead of night … any night … since he’s always up for a clandestine trip.

Pecker was spotted in public … wearing duct tape over his mouth.

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Meanwhile, Melania has secretly hired Omarossa to inveigle Pecker into giving her the combination to the safe so she … Melania … could read the documents first … remove all photos of her … and then return all documents to Pecker so AMI could start running all the stories about her soon-to-be-ex-husband.

The First Lady’s Office issued a statement that apparently indicates she no longer cares … and asks the question, “Would you?”

This change in the wording on her infamous designer jacket is her final word on whether she really cares … maybe … we think … or maybe not.

Pecker, though he did not comment … was seen scampering back to AMI headquarters with a Cheshire cat grin on his face.

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Meanwhile, the crack Seriously Absurd Safe Cracker Committee has located the Pecker safe and unloaded the contents.

Guess what?

The contents once and for all confirm that Trump’s an incompetent-womanizing-bigoted-racist-misogynist-lying-dirt-bag.

Glad we could clear up that piece of news.

Just sayin’ …

2 thoughts on “Geraldo’s Back … and yelling, “Vault, vault? Did someone mention a vault?”

  1. I think the GOP has “secretly” made Devin Nunes the chairman of the Committee to Require Democrats to Compromise by Completely Agreeing with the Chairman/President.

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