Bucket List or F%&k-It-List?

I don’t get this idea of a Bucket List.  It misses the point of life which is best described as “living.”

I don’t want to spend my limited time in the here-and-now seeking physical thrills or trying to outdo other humans in a never ending quest for the top thrill of my life.

I’m very comfortable dodging the vicissitudes and participating in the thrills of everyday life.  For instance:

Driving on 4-6 lane roads without getting sideswiped or run off the road by drivers who do not want to go where you’re going but still want to beat you there.

Matching wits with service people whose sole (maybe soul?) purpose is to provide no service for maximum fees.

Keeping the medical establishment’s killing-me-softly-and-slowly machine away from my cave door.

Trying to figure out what the hell my various insurance policies actually insure other than ensuring an income stream for insurance companies.

Wondering about daily reports of extreme weather events & how many million people they may effect.

And, this does not even scratch the surface of our latest “public sport”: shoot the cop, the citizen, the kids, wives, girlfriends, partners or random passersby.

Nor does it cover the possibility of being beheaded, kidnapped for ransom, or run off the road because you have somehow insulted the basic human integrity of the person who happened to be driving next to you on that given day when you passed, honked your horn, or got too close in order to read the 35 bumper stickers on his car declaring who and what he is for, or who and what he is against.

I have concluded, therefore, a Bucket List is the creation of those folks who cannot see the thrills that come with day-to-day living.

So, you may ask yourself, “What does Huss have if he doesn’t have a Bucket List?”

And the answer is … I have created my very own “F%&k-It-List.”

This is serious business.  My F-I-L is used whenever I get the feeling that my life is not exciting … enough.

It’s really simple.  Each time I have an urge to do something that represents a challenge to my dwindled testosterone, I write it on a piece of paper and throw it into my personal F%&k-It-List.

I also measure my successes in life in tangible ways.

With every piece of paper I throw into my F-I-L, I calculate the money I have not spent, estimate the time I have not wasted, and thank the “List Gods” for the death wishes I have not fulfilled.

As a result, I enjoy huge amounts of success.

I encourage all of you to seriously and vigorously pursue your own F%&k-It-List.

Think of the money, time, and angst you’ll save.

Think of how much happier you might be.

Just sayin’.

12 thoughts on “Bucket List or F%&k-It-List?

  1. I am so curious now about why I would have ever put most of these things on a list in the first place. My bucket list is empty of things to do. All I want is to just be and enjoy wherever that crocked little road or driveway or highway or plane or walk or crawl or day dream takes me.

  2. An empty Bucket List … that’s exactly why I love you. The challenge to having a fun and exciting life is to live it as it appears before you …

    It’s the Sinatra Magic Code … Do be, Do be, Doo … everyone thinks it’s just a song but he’s really telling us just to “be .. Do be” … I particularly like the “day dream.” An empty Bucket List is a sign of a life of fulfillment. Rock on!

  3. Aw, c’mon Richard! I can’t see you spending even one moment wondering about extreme weather or how many millions of people are being affected! But millions do, that’s why CNN gets the big ratings.

    Now, being sideswiped on the road- that’s the real excitement of daily life. I lost my driver’s side truck mirror to a mid-sized van on a two lane road a few months ago, so I know what I’m talkin’ about!

  4. Hey … It’s not polite to “out” the Blogger! But, there are behavioral traits that indicate you just might be r-r-right. I saw Cantorri of the Weather Channel the other night jumping in circles and flapping his arms over the “Thunder Snow Storm” in New England a couple of weeks ago.

    As for excitement … My God, Woman … you ride horses, take Scuba trips, ski, and probably are considering a sky dive before you go toes up. You know excitement.

    Thanx for reading and subcribing

  5. Dear Richard. I have a problem and I believe you might help me find a solution. It has nothing, however, to do with my bucket list, just my tea-list. When I am cold, I drink tea. Coffee just won’t work for me,. So I fill the biggest cup I can find with water and plop a tea bag in with the water and zap it in the microwave. Works for me. My friends of more sensitive nature are aghast. I bet you can see them as they clutch their throats and lift their faces to the sky. Silent prayers burst from whimpering lips. They reluctantly offer to forgive me if I make amends and pour boiling water from a tea kettle over the tea and leave the microwave unused.

    Help! What is the difference. Hot water from the microwave is still hot water. If it boils, it is still boiling water. What is one method appropriate and the other a heresy. Can they taste a difference? Can you? Can anybody?

    • Ella,

      You are missing the fact that you are diminishing the PURITY of the Microwave … and the zen that comes from the STEEPING of the Tea.

      The two functions of the microwave are to boil water (but only water) and to give us a clock in the kitchen.


      • Mike, dear. I don’t know what you are talking about. My microwave doesn’t come to yoga class with me and my zen has gone off with the gardener.

  6. Richard,

    I am still trying to figure out why we have to have our major weather events reported LIVE! by a reporter being drenched, frozen and holding onto a wobbling stop sign, while dodging flying 2X4s!

    I am also pretty sure that most news organizations have all the variety of gun stories written with places for the names and dates ready to be filled in … sigh …

    • News and weather have reached the point where they are now events … no longer “reports-facts-dates-times-etc. I love hysteria and the ensuing pumping it does to my heart and short circuiting of my brain. Try watching an “old movie,” like “Night of the Iguana.” It may be part of a Flash Fiction piece I wrote, but I’m sure I couldn’t make it through the movie again … much less the 100s of times claimed by my character. Now off for a good night’s sleep!

  7. Hmmmmm. It’s worse than we thought, doctor. We need to perform an IMMEDIATE bucket-ectomy on this boy! Oh, wait. He has already self-medicated! Hehehhehehehheeee!

    • I tried a shopping list for years as my “go to list” when I wanted a thrill. You might try that.

      I also, as a kid, had a “Santa Wish List” which produced a bit of happiness until I found out that there was no Santa Claus.

      I now have developed quite a long “To Do List” which I find amusing since I put dates on entries.

      Do you think 3 years to change the burned out bulb in my basement is a sufficient wait time, or should I start a “Prioritized To Do List?”

      Or just throw all my lists in my F%&k Bucket?

      Thanks for reading my stuff!

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