What I’ve Almost Learned after 23 Years of Marriage

This past week was our 23rd anniversary.  After all these years I’m happy to report that I’ve learned a few hard earned lessons, though it’s obvious I’m still riding with training wheels.

This is what I’ve learned.

Don’t ever want your spouse to be “just like you.”  What a f**king disaster that would be. In my case, I know I would be physically dead twice and possibly more.  That’s because I can deny certain things and think they will go away … usually health related. She doesn’t do that and that’s “a good thing.”

Shit happens and it happens on a two-way street.  She’s not always wrong.  Always telling her that she’s wrong, therefore, is bad idea.  I know that now.  So, do I tell her that she’s wrong?  Yes I do, but not before, during, or after a discussion.  I also don’t say it aloud.

The two most important words in your relationship had better be, “Sure, hon.” Forget about the phrase, “Not in this lifetime.” Also “86” the phrase, “That’s a good idea. I’ll give it some thought.”

Sitting with her watching TV without talking for three hours is not what she calls “relating.”  It doesn’t matter how good you feel sitting there quietly thinking puerile thoughts.  Unless you’re facing each other, making eye contact, talking, and keeping your hands to yourself for a while, it doesn’t count as relating.

Learning to chomp on a bit of “crow” now and then is probably a good thing. Never, however, “crow about the fact that you’re eating crow.” Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Getting points is important.  Even though you may insist you’re not in “a game,” accumulating points occurs and you may as well have some stored up.  You get points by noticing things and then – here’s the secret – saying something intelligent about what you noticed. “Yeh, uhhu” and other similar grunts are not considered intelligent communication. Oh, by the way, your points are rarely redeemable but when they are, you cash in Big Time!

Laugh a lot … but never at your spouse.  Be funny, but don’t be a clown.  Be brave, but not stupid. Try to be handy … especially with knowing when to call in a real “Handy Man.” A man’s got to know his limits … ask Clint Eastwood.

And the most important thing I’ve learned is that you cannot tell her enough times how much you love her, how important she is to you, and how glad you are that you’re partners.

Just sayin’.

16 thoughts on “What I’ve Almost Learned after 23 Years of Marriage

  1. Wow. You have just developed a blueprint for eliminating divorce! in America.

    • OMG … Now all the divorce lawyers in the US will be after my cute ass! Never fear, Ella … no man will really believe what I’ve written and if they do, they will forget about it as soon as football season starts again.

      Thanx for reading my stuff …

  2. Congrats on 23 years of marriage! I wish my wife and I had 23 years together!

    On Thursday it will be 36 years…

    • Congratulations to both of you … the gift for 36 years is Bone China … I expect that you have indulged yourselves with porcelain or other such oddities … I, however, will refrain from making comments about an anniversary celebration that has “bone” in it … oops, does that count as a comment? Sorry. thanx for reading and supporting me … and congrats again!

  3. That was beautiful! I wish all the men in the world would live by these ideals. The world would be a much happier place!! Lol

    • Carla … Just livin’ the dream … what can I say except that these are things that I “almost” learned. Thanx for thinking of them as ideals, but more than likely they were all spur of the moment situations where I just got lucky and did the right thing. God forbid that I would actually think about doing these things. After all, I am a guy!

      Thanx for reading my stuff

    • If you don’t tell her before, after or during and never aloud, then i think you’re probably not telling her which is probably your ticket to survival .. wherever that is.

      Thanx for reading my stuff!

  4. Happy anniversary. Somebody I know is getting a print version of your fab essay on his pillow tonight. Haha

    • Thanks for reading my stuff … I’m not sure that it’s worth sending on to other spouses … remember, the title is “What I’ve Almost Learned …” key word being “Almost.”

      But, good luck … it’s always worth a shot.

  5. I’ll go along with almost all of what you ‘rit except “keeping your hands to yourself for a while, it doesn’t count as relating.”

    Good stuff!!!

  6. Congratulations to you both on the 23 years. As a very wise person once said, “You are never too old to learn or too long married to figure it out.”

    • Thanks, Nancy … I’m living proof that you can teach “Old Dogs New Tricks.” It just takes repetition and patience … a lot of both!

      And, Mari & I both hope we will always be figuring each out … or at least always trying.

      Thanks for reading my stuff.

  7. Of course “hands help relating.” But, it’s the where and when that’s important when it comes to “hands on relating.” I suggest that you start with your own ears (listening), your own tongue (speaking sweetly) and then move to other appendages … like hands and others.

    Thanks for reading and reacting …

  8. Nice, Richard. Congratulations to you on 23 years. My condolences to Mari.

  9. Head — Nail — Bang … That’s you, Peggy hitting the “nail on the head!” It’s gotta be difficult living with me for any length of time … I think I’ve been very blessed to wake up next to Mari each morning.

    She has taught me everything I ALMOST know! Thanx for reading my stuff and supporting me …

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