China’s Outsourcing … No Bull!

It’s all over.  Done and done.  Finished.

The ultimate outsourcing has begun.  Not here in the US with our dog-eat-dog corporations, but in China!  Yes, China.

The Chinese government’s outsourced the oldest job in the history of the world!

Hold on to your testicles all you young bulls sunning out in the pasture.  Wipe those s**t eating grins off your cuds.

You’re about to feel the knife of massive reductions in force.

You’re literally being “put out to pasture.”  Your lower foreshank’s been measured for that “good service” gold watch.  Yes … you, Mr. Symbol of raw sexual power.  You, Mr. Merrill Lynch logo.  You, Mr. Ferdinand, “el Toro” of Kiddie Lit fame.

Don’t let the barn door smack you on your “rump roast” on the way out.

You’re all facing the chopping block as the stud of choice for China’s best and most beautiful heifers.


The snorts of your rutting have been silenced by the clinking of laboratory equipment.  Science marches on and you’ve been replaced by cloning!

Leave it to the Chinese to move commercial cloning into a vast government plan.  In China, you want beef?  We’ll manufacture beef … bingo.

None of the hit-and-miss of Brutus-mounting-Bossie … or waiting years for a mature set of functioning bull balls to drop.  Not even the messiness of artificial insemination.

We’re going to grab a cell here, squirt it into an egg there, plant it in the uterus of a nearby surrogate heifer … which by the way needs no contract, payment, benefits or a lawyer … and voila, nine months later out pops a calf.

And miracle of miracles … it’s a genetically selected calf that will grow faster, be heavier, and consume less feed.

Why this sudden interest in beef as opposed to the traditional bird’s nest soup, won tons, rats, and shark fins?

It’s the westernization of Chinese life styles and the creep, creep, creep of capitalism into their economy.  It’s a sure bet that China’s new young socialites covet beef as much as they do “Beemers.”

China’s going through its own, “Where’s the beef,” beef.  Budding capitalists want their beef now!

But not to worry … another Tienanmen Square embarrassment’s not on the horizon.  In just four short years the government’s giant clone farm in Tianjin will be pumping out one million cloned cows a year.

That’s a heluva herd, no bull.

Just sayin’.

4 thoughts on “China’s Outsourcing … No Bull!

  1. Too bad the inscrutable ones set their sights on sirloins….

    The world would be a better place had they come up with a way to clone ivory!

    Pachyderms everywhere would trumpet approval of that idea!

  2. I’m with you on that one, Tom. But … better yet would be cloning Vodka! Count me in on that!

    Thanks for reading and your support … Now, back to my personal lab!

  3. Leaves me totally speechless for once. Just wait until the environmentalists get hold of this one. They will be having schizophrenic nervous breakdowns over the prospect of doing away with cattle and pig feedlots versus their hysterical fear of anything not totally “natural,” you know, like so-called “Almond Milk” that isn’t milk and doesn’t contain very many almonds in it, either! Wonder if they’ll lift the ban on that second human kid, now that they can feed it?

    • Hey, PMartha …
      Thanks for continuing to read and for your support. Anytime I can leave you “totally speechless,” I know I’ve picked an excellent topic and nailed the writing! FYI … good point about China & the child policy … In 2012, they relaxed the policy and some provinces could have 2 children … Oct 29, 2015, the entire country was permitted 2 children.

      Don’t ya just love Google and learning all kinds of cool shit?

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