Fast forward … Star Date 24th century … the USS Voyager’s in the Delta Quadrant with Captain Janeway.
Stars glide past Voyager’s windows … In front of the Replicator, Janeway orders a glass of Pinot Noir. Neelix watches over your shoulder as you go for the Chardonnay.
In seconds Captain Janeway’s Pinot Noir, at the perfect cellar temp of 55 degrees Farenheit and your chilled glass of chardonnay, appear. You take your first sips … and exchange looks of satisfaction.
Science Fiction? Yes, that’s what it was. Now fast backward to present time.
Enter stage right … Replica Wines … Vintage 2015.
A bottle of Replica Chardonnay, “Knockoff,” takes a bow followed by a bottle of Replica Pinot Noir, “Misbehaved.” Thunderous applause and cheers erupt from the audience.
Yes … Replica as in “Replicator.” It’s reality.
Taking their cues from Star Trek’ish 24th century science, two US wineries are breaking their butts to grant wine drinkers their fondest wish … vintage-quality wines at bargain basement prices!
In one case, by reverse engineering and a bit of Voodoo to replicate the vintner’s final product.
In the other, by skipping the grapes altogether
What? Wine without aging, sniffing, tongue rolling and descriptions that you will not find written anywhere but on wine labels? Didn’t we do that once … Boone’s Farm? Cold Duck? How ‘bout Ripple?
Come on. Admit it. We all drank one or more of those fine beverages when we still had zits.
Is “Frankenwine” next?
Integrated Beverage Group, with their patented reverse engineering, can produce near-perfect “vintages” based on a virtual physical replication of the structure, taste and aroma profiles of selected wines. And at a cost that’s a fraction of the price you pay for the alleged “better wine,” you can enjoy a bottle of Replica Wine.
From vineyard owners’ gaping mouths we hear a collective moan as they howl, “What about the grapes? What about the grapes?”
And speaking of grapes … watch out for Ava Winery, a San Fran startup that claims to literally turn water into wine in a matter of minutes … and not with grapes.
Oh, sweet Jesus!
Can it be labeled “Wine” if grapes aren’t used? Apparently not.
But, undaunted, Ava hacked a 1992 Dom Perignon and synthetically produced a non-grape-champagne’ish-bubbly-type-alcoholic-drink which they say will be available for $50 a bottle … this summer.
Hey … Dom goes for $150 minimum and you won’t have a barefooted Lucy “Where-have-those-feet-been” Ricardo stomping your grapes!
Is Johnny Walker Blue on the horizon? Is nothing sacred?
Just sayin’ …