Gun Totin’ Toddlers

'And let me tell you this, my friends: When we tell the fat cats in the capital that we;e going to 'stick to our guns,' we mean it!'In 2016, Toddlers shot more Americans than have been shot, bombed, beheaded and/or drowned by Muslim Terrorists, ISIS or Boko Haram.

The score?  Toddlers 23 including 11 fatalities – Terrorists … zero, nada, zilch.

It’s yet to be determined if criminal charges will be filed against Toddlers and whether they would be tried as juvvies or as adults.

Some have argued that if the Toddler is toilet trained and no longer wears standard diapers, including Huggies, Snuggies or any other all-in-one-poop-or-pee-restraining-garments, then it may face charges as an adult.


Neo-natal Embryo Psychologists, a new branch of the Right-to-Life Segment of the American Psychological Association, have called for an emergency symposium to determine if all the debates, threats and violence associated with women striving to be equal citizens may be infecting fetuses with what they now call, Infantile FU Syndrome (IFUS).

If that’s the case, the NEP will demand that women no longer seek status as equals in American society.



Presumptive Nominee, Donald Trump wants all Toddlers confined in the hospital until they pass a new NRA Toddler Gun Safety Proficiency Exam (TGSPE).  This requires the Toddler to hit “center mass” at an 80% proficiency level from 30 feet in an on-site NRA certified hospital firing range.

This is while


gun rights activists already clamor for Toddler Friendly guns, and manufacturers launched plans for a super-lightweight-automatic pistol with a “hair-pull” trigger.  The weapon will have an 18 round magazine to cut down on reloads.



the Dems are busy creating new Toddler Gun Safety Slogans (TGSS) for a massive PR assault starting with a blanket ad buy on Sesame Street and Nickelodeon.  Every parent in America will receive a workbook demonstrating how to organize a TGSS block party.

Winning slogans will appear on the Google Search Page for the next-forever.

Not to be forgotten,


NRA Lobbyists have immediately sponsored bills in Congress calling for less stringent carrying permits in families with newborns and asked that all pre-K and kindergarten teachers be required to arm themselves for the safety of the other Toddlers in class.



in order to maintain its “Stupid-Standing” in the US, a Toddler gun shot victim was a Florida mom and gun rights activist who posted this meme, “My right to protect my child with my gun trumps your fear of my gun.”

Just sayin’.

16 thoughts on “Gun Totin’ Toddlers

  1. Some (probably Trump supporters) would say that a mom stupid enough to let her toddler access a gun deserves a “Darwin death” to help purge a badly contaminated gene pool. Jus’ sayin’.

    • I Agree – Guns don’t kill people – People kill people. The Gun is just the method.

      • Hey, Michael … thanks for tuning in … I was stunned when I got this piece of data … and we both know it “ain’t the Toddlers.” Parents can really be stupid …I loved the Meme posted by the Palatka mom … talk about getting what you deserve!

    • Hey Oops … Thanks for commenting … My key thought when I read about this was The Darwin Awards for cleaning out the gene pool. And i am far from a Trump supporter … the Trump supporters would call for arming the toddler against the gun totin’ mama.

      Later …

  2. War on Drugs, War on Terrorism, War on Toddlers. Sounds about right.

    • Hey Rick … thanks for readin’ my stuff … apologies for the response delay.

      Just one more in a long history of wars … I wonder, can Pacifists declare a non-war on anything?

      Thanks for commenting!

  3. Hey! No fair letting toddlers butt in line! We still haven’t fully funded a “Support Your Right to Arm Bears” campaign yet!

    At this very moment there are still thousands or hundreds or dozens or at least one or two Florida black bears who do not yet have the high-caliber, high-magazine capacity weapons they need to protect themselves for foreign invaders…..who are probably Muslims. Or Canadians. Or gay. Or Democrats!

    Let’s support our right to arm bears first…then we can start handing out firearms to toddlers, middle schoolers, testosterone-fueled
    teenagers and – my personal favorite – legally blind senior citizens in the checkout line at Publix!

    • Hey Tom .. Thanks for readin’ … sorry for the response delay.

      On the mark … We need to Arm the Bears so they can Bare Arms … Butt (and that’s a Big Butt), if they bare their arms will they want body art/tattoos, too?

      More on that later …

  4. P.S. Isn’t Boko Haram the 1960’s rock group that sang “A White Shade of Pale”?

  5. This is very scary, Richard,but I did laugh a lot at “Infantile FU Syndrome (IFUS).” Good one! Did you purposefully post this on MOTHER”S DAY? Couldn’t you have waited until Monday?

    • GL … thanx for the support … I had fun with this one just because it is so serious and so absurd. Except for the intro data, everything is a product of my own imagination.

      I’m glad you enjoyed it … Honestly, the Mother’s Day connection did not “connect” with me.

  6. Great column–especially love your images. Has anyone considered how the criteria re: the wearing of diapers may impact seniors’ law? Perhaps Depends-wearing folk can ask to be tried as toddlers… Just sayin’.

    • Hey Nancy … thanks for reading … sorry for the reply delay …

      I like the idea of trying Seniors as Toddlers … in addition to wearing diapers neither has any communication skills either. They walk on wobbly legs and mostly have to be fed … Hey house ’em together and save money.

  7. Good info. I believe the Gitmo Day Care Center for the Criminally Insane is preparing their new wing to accept this new wave of hardened criminals…

    • Hey Steve … thanx for reading … my apologies for not getting right back to you.

      I think Gitmo is out of the question unless we’re prepared to negotiate with Republicans and the Cubans. Both feel that it’s theirs to own and operate.

      I think the Killing Spree Toddlers need a special pre-K maximum security facility in Jackson Mississippi. That’s a hell hole for sure!

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