The Trump-mandments

And Don the Con emerged from the Penthouse in the Sky.

trump-stained-glass-windowDescending on his gilded escalator, his bitty hands cradle a gold-plated Power Point … displayed for all to see.

His baseball hatted worshipers peer at him in glassy eyed adulation as He bellows, “This Power Point was given directly to me by the Great Billionaire in heaven.  He told me that you should all gather and listen as I read the Word.”

And the Words were … “The Ten Trump-mandments.”


One … Now that I’m elected, you shall have no other Billionaire before you … Only Me, John Donald Trump shall you worship.  I’m a jealous Billionaire with very thin skin.  Plus I’ll bury your ass in insane 3 AM Tweets because I never sleep.

Two … It’s okay for you to have Idols as long as they’re voted on in Reality Shows I own.  No Idols shall accumulate a net worth more than Mine … which may never be disclosed.

Three … You shall not take My name, or any variation, in vain.  If you do, I’ll bury you in law suits because I never settle.

Four … Take a few minutes to remember the Sabbath.  Then get back to work.  Idle hands, even as small as mine, are the Devil’s workshop.  Remember what I did with only a small loan from my father.

Five … Honor your father and mother.  Many people are saying that I did not honor my father or mother because they sent me to military school.  Those are lies.

Six … You shall not commit murder.  Only I can commit murder and now that I’m your Billionaire, it’s not limited to the middle of 5th Avenue.

Seven … You shall not commit adultery.  However, as your Billionaire, I’ll make a law that adultery no longer exists … for me.  It’s a silly little Commandment.

Eight … You shall not steal.  Only I can steal and I’ll continue to steal from you, the government, small business owners, and anyone stupid enough to do business with me.

Nine … You shall not bear false witness against your neighbors … unless of course they’re from Mexico, the Middle East or are an African-American or LBGT.  Then you can make up stuff about them, insult them and even punch them in the mouth … like we did at my rallies.

Ten … You shall not covet anything.  The act of coveting is reserved solely for Me.  I can covet anything I please.  I can covet your wife, if she meets my standard of beauty, or your real estate if it’s in a prime location.

There you have it folks.  Now get outta my lobby and go “Make America Great Again” or I’ll have you arrested by the Secret Service, which I do not pay for, and you’ll be prosecuted because we must have Law and Order.


Then Don the Con’s eyes snapped open as he awoke from his very, very beautiful dream to the reality of being:  a total L-O-S-E-R.

Just sayin’ …

6 thoughts on “The Trump-mandments

    • Hey Logan … thanks for reading … That’s probably the only time the word “legit” will be assigned to Trump! Thanks for reading and all your support!

  1. Bravo, Richard. This pretty much sums up the Trumped-Up demigod heading the GOP ticket.

    I just have to wonder: If Trump thinks being a “celebrity” gives him license to grope women, what does he think he’ll be entitled to do as President?

    • Hey TL … Thanx for reading.
      We already know what he thinks he’ll be entitled to … unobstructed access and use for retaliation of the Justice Department. Putin would be proud of him for openly stating that he plans to misuse the justice system. After he bags Hillary, he’ll probably go after Paul Ryan.

      Thanks for your support … until next week when I can be Seriously Absurd again.

  2. Trump said that about celebrities being able to get away with groping women? He must have stolen that line from Bill Cosby.

    • Thanks for readin’, Ooops … Trump and “stolen” in the same paragraph … what a surprise. I’m surprised he didn’t use Bill Cosby as a defense … “At least I don’t have to drug my conquests,” boasts a depraved Don “The Con.”

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