Several “for profit” universities in Flori-duh, a state that generally abhors education, jumped at the opportunity to offer the nation’s first certification degree in “Protest Science.”
Spurred on by the alt-fact observations of the current administration that “all the protests against their agenda are obviously the work of paid professionals,” these money grubbing diploma mills hopped on the “professional protestor bandwagon” to make that observation a truth.
Their goal … replace the disorganized ragtag amateurs with their homemade signs, yelling and monopolizing political gatherings with professional grade state certified paid agitators.
Protest Startups where you can hire from 20 to 200,000 protestors have been springing up faster than the milk weed at Max Yazgur’s old Woodstock dairy farm!
************************************
According to one university president, “Social media’s opened a gold mine for us. Media outlets are screaming for highly trained professional protestors. Good protests produce good ratings!
“There’s no question that demonstrations would quickly crash and burn if a constant supply of professionals cannot be supplied. We must respond to the need!”
*************************************
One professor in the School of Protest lamented the passing of “The Birthers of Modern Protest” … Abbie Hoffman, Malcolm X and Betty Friedan.
They would be “Emeriti Faculty” … if they were still alive. Those folks protested with a “Capital P!”
**************************************
Protest Historians observe that American protests actually started with those British outcasts, religious zealots, and paupers … the Pilgrims!
“Those who think our current demonstrators have their roots in so-yesterday’s Tea Party would fail my course,” states Professor James Absolam Brown, a Black-Transgender-Gay-Muslim adopted by mixed-race lesbian parents.
“The Tea Party’s nothing but a bunch of angry old white people watching their world go bye-bye.”
******************************
Classes include the “Basics of Interstate Highway Blockage,” a lab/field experience … a lecture/discussion seminar, “How to Beat your Loan Officer Down to Workable Payments” … and, a required core course, “All the Ways you can Legally Use the F-Word.”
*****************************
Speaking from under Harry Potter’s “cloak of invisibility,” a specialized PP (Professional Protestor) head hunter remarked, “The market for PP’s grows exponentially with every tweet our current President sends out … some think, it’s an unlimited job market.”
One university’s newly hired Director of Field Placement, Bobby Lee Bohunk states, “We’ve sent out a bazillion hiring proposals.
“You just never know who’s gonna want to demonstrate against whom … in a trained professional manner.
“We want primo positions and high pay for our licensed-certified graduates. It’s a lotta work protesting!”
Just sayin’ …
Sound the claxons! Man the battle stations! Inflate the gates!
“To market, to market, to buy a fat pig;