Bringing Home the Bacon

“To market, to market, to buy a fat pig;
Home again, home again, dancing a jig….”

Thank you, Mother Goose.

Wake up America and smell the bacon!  Wait a minute … hold those hogs!

For two days America was on the brink of a crisis of true Trumpian proportions … not an alt-fact-Reality-TV-cooked-up-crisis!

Angst and agony rampaged through American hearts … especially those hearts cushioned in fat globules.  Coast-to-coast tweets and headlines from news outlets blasted in our breakfast faces: “We’re outta Pork Belly … it’s a crisis of ‘pigumental’ proportions!”


Meanwhile back at the Oval Orifice, the apocalyptic cabal currently haunting the digs, immediately smelled opportunity!

Slamming USA Today on his desk, President T-Rump screams at his team, “We have nothing to fear except Vegetarians and Vegans … and they’re all Democrats … wouldn’t vote for me anyway!

“I’ll sign an immediate Executive Order … ‘Save America’s Bacon!’”


Puppeteer-in-Chief Bannon, without disturbing an orange hair, whispers in T-Rump’s ear, “It’s a crispy-golden-fried opportunity, your majesty.  We save America’s bacon and they’ll never care that you only eat KFC and Mickey D’s!”

Kellyanne beams her evil smile.  “A piece of cake to defend!  Get me face-to-face with that ingrate, Chuck Todd … I’ll press his meat on “Meet the Press!’”

While Rancid Pre-bus cowers beneath Winston Churchill’s bust, Sean Spicer leaps to his feet.

“I’m on it.  Send me out there Mr. President.  My bacon scented tie’s perfect for the occasion!”

The Trumpians, dancing with joy to “I did it My Way,” crow like crazed Muslims on Jersey City rooftops when…


There’s a knock on the Orifice door.  It’s not Saturday.  Jared Kushner, sticks his head inside with the much loathed NY Times in his hands.

He drops the paper on the table with the headline for all to see:  Bacon Shortage?  Calm Down.  It’s Fake News.

A palpable silence seizes the room.  You could hear crispy bacon crunch in your mouth.

Sean Spicer’s near tears.  Puppeteer Bannon, quick to seize on any opportunity says, “What about a Cheesecake Factory cheesecake shortage?  Huh?”

Kellyanne snaps, “I so wanted to get back at that insufferable Todd!”

President T-Rump abrutly grabs his new Red-White-and-Blue phone, a direct line to James Comey, “Jim.  Here.  Immediately … we’ve got a yuuuge and bigly problem.  Fake News … there’s plenty of bacon.  We need an FBI special investigation.  Who would tell such a malicious life threatening lie?”


Meanwhile, pork futures shot up 20%.

Just sayin’ …

11 thoughts on “Bringing Home the Bacon

    • Hey, Gail… Thanks for reading and for the vote of confidence! I just wish I had discovered my “nutty factor” before I was a “wrinkled up old nut.”

      I don’t know many folks who can work Mother Goose, Bacon, Fake News and politics into a quick view of the spiciness of our life!

  1. Ah, Richard….beset as we are with a rash of Trumpisms, nice of you to provide an oink-ment.

    • Hey T.L. … I appreciate your continued support and monumental efforts to be a “ready, willing and able reader!”

      Perhaps we are in the midst of a “rasher” of Trumpisms which might justify the “Liberal” use of an oink-ment …

      At least my Mother Goose reference was “To Market to market ….” and not “This little piggy….”

      Until next week … I remain totally absurd with a dash of serious.

      • Hey! I’m still waiting on “Richard’s Fractured Fairy Tales” and Trumty-Dumpty… lay off that dash o’ seriousness…

  2. Hey Mike … sorry, but I’m not about to get engaged with you in “word games.” You’re way to intellectual for me to compete against.

    Oh … wait a minute … you said “scrapple” not “Scrabble!” Hey, that’s different … I’ll wallow in a pot full of pig offal anytime you want to meet me! Could be more fun than mud or Jello wrestling! Thanks for reading …

    • Let’s see, you and I “engaged” in mud/hello wrestling … that MIGHT be something people would pay us NOT to do … just saying …

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