Get Your Bachelor’s Degree in “Protest Science”

Several “for profit” universities in Flori-duh, a state that generally abhors education, jumped at the opportunity to offer the nation’s first certification degree in “Protest Science.”

Spurred on by the alt-fact observations of the current administration that “all the protests against their agenda are obviously the work of paid professionals,” these money grubbing diploma mills hopped on the “professional protestor bandwagon” to make that observation a truth.

Their goal … replace the disorganized ragtag amateurs with their homemade signs, yelling and monopolizing political gatherings with professional grade state certified paid agitators.

Protest Startups where you can hire from 20 to 200,000 protestors have been springing up faster than the milk weed at Max Yazgur’s old Woodstock dairy farm!


According to one university president, “Social media’s opened a gold mine for us.  Media outlets are screaming for highly trained professional protestors.  Good protests produce good ratings!

“There’s no question that demonstrations would quickly crash and burn if a constant supply of professionals cannot be supplied.  We must respond to the need!”


One professor in the School of Protest lamented the passing of “The Birthers of Modern Protest” … Abbie Hoffman, Malcolm X and Betty Friedan.

They would be “Emeriti Faculty” … if they were still alive.  Those folks protested with a “Capital P!”


Protest Historians observe that American protests actually started with those British outcasts, religious zealots, and paupers … the Pilgrims!

“Those who think our current demonstrators have their roots in so-yesterday’s Tea Party would fail my course,” states Professor James Absolam Brown, a Black-Transgender-Gay-Muslim adopted by mixed-race lesbian parents.

“The Tea Party’s nothing but a bunch of angry old white people watching their world go bye-bye.”


Classes include the “Basics of Interstate Highway Blockage,” a lab/field experience … a lecture/discussion seminar, “How to Beat your Loan Officer Down to Workable Payments” … and, a required core course, “All the Ways you can Legally Use the F-Word.”


Speaking from under Harry Potter’s “cloak of invisibility,” a specialized PP (Professional Protestor) head hunter remarked, “The market for PP’s grows exponentially with every tweet our current President sends out … some think, it’s an unlimited job market.”

One university’s newly hired Director of Field Placement, Bobby Lee Bohunk states, “We’ve sent out a bazillion hiring proposals.

“You just never know who’s gonna want to demonstrate against whom … in a trained professional manner.

“We want primo positions and high pay for our licensed-certified graduates.  It’s a lotta work protesting!”

Just sayin’ …

14 thoughts on “Get Your Bachelor’s Degree in “Protest Science”

  1. At first I hoped you were just being totally absurd but now I see there via Google there is basis in fact for your tripping out on this subject. Oh woe.

    • Hi Gail … Yep … there is a basis in “Alt-Fact” that there are paid protesters out there riling up the masses about T-Rump and causing havoc at the GOP town hall meetings.

      The only evidence I found about recent “paid protesters” was by the Tea Party organizers in the early days of the Tea Party.

      There is plenty of Trumpian crying about the protesters and claims of being paid … but no evidence. I even tried to connect with some groups to see if they would pay … thought it might be fun to go somewhere and prove that I was a “paid protester.” Alas, it was a “no go.” Thanks for reading!

  2. Huzzah, Herr Huss!
    If they handed out PhDs in Ph-AkE News, you’d have a Phist-PhUll of ‘em!
    Loved, loved, loved this one. (Could a career at Breitbart be far behind?)

    • Hey TL … Thanks as always, for jumping into my pond full of paid protesters. I had a lot of fun with this one, as you could tell.

      Too bad I couldn’t actually find a “School of Protest” like Jack Black’s movie portrayed, “School of Rock.” Maybe someone will come up with a comedy of errors and make a film.

      A career of any kind, for me, would be “far behind.” I’m having too much fun “not working.” Catch ya next week … there’a always an absurdity to write about.

  3. Of course, I appreciate your humor. Laughing may be the only activity keeping us all from going totally insane. However, there is truth here. Remember when home-schooled Jennifer Sullivan ran for her State House of Representatives seat….and won, becoming the youngest person to be elected to this position? Those people populating the intersection of Highway 441 and Donnelly waving posterboards were from other states and paid to be here. So not protesters but one small step from it. But all is well for Miss Sullivan. She’s now pursuing her college degree, on-line of course, from Liberty University. Arrggh. It’s time for me to go watch some old episodes of Night Court….and laugh.

    • Hi Susie J … Thanks for commenting. Yep, there’s a difference between protesters and idiots standing on street corners waving signs for “something/someone.” I’m sure those poor souls on the corners waving signs for “Tax Preparation,” “Homes for Sale” and “Honk if you Love Jesus” were being paid!

      As for “Night Court,” it was and still is one of my faves … I even did my level best to create my own “reality night court” a couple of times when I was young and restless.

      Almost got thrown in the clink for blurting out at the poor bedraggled judge, “Your Honor, this a travesty of justice!” That was right after he slammed his gavel finding me “guilty as charged.”

      There is really no justice … only comedy and occasional humor.

    • Hi Janet … Yep, I had a lot of fun with this one. Glad you enjoyed it … Remember, our country was founded by a bunch of protesters, paupers and ex-criminals … kinda runs in the family.

      See you soon and thanks for reading.

    • Dear Shirley … or is that Ms. Absurd … or maybe even Mr. Sure Lee Absurd?

      Thanks for reading, Porter … thought this one was timely with all the Trumpian whining going on. Thanks for the compliments. I’ll check out the link you gave me … may be absurd material in it!

      Until next week …

    • Hi PMartha… Please laugh more than you choke …. Choking is bad for your health whereas I’ve been told that laughing is really good for you! Glad I could provide yucks instead of yucchs!

      Until next week … I remain “yours in absurdity!”

    • Hi G.L. … Thanks for reading … A philosophy and a psych professor combo … what a deal. The goals ideals ethics and the behaviors to make it work! What a team.

      So, I guess the answer is yes …

      I do think we need a crazy-assed film with Jack Black as in “School of Rock.” I can see many of us “old time FPCers” (and welcome additions as in Luke & Mari) creating a curriculum of protest!

      Could be fun … I actually feel a tinge of excitement running thru some almost 3/4 century bones thinking about the idea.

      Abrazos …

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