What if ______ had an iPhone?

Communicating with each other’s here to stay.  It’s not a fad.

It all started with grunts and hand motions.  And it worked for early grunters.

Raise your grunt volume for emphasis, or use endearing little grunts in the private dark recesses of the cave.

No food in the larder?  She grunts, points at a pile of bones, crosses her legs tightly, and makes an ugly face.

He, bewildered and frustrated … grabs his club, a long pointed stick, a sack of rocks, jumps up and down grunting and slapping his chest, spins around, and lopes out of the cave making even louder grunts.

If there were a cave door … he’d slam it!

She … leans into the fire pit, lights up a tightly rolled leaf she’d stashed … inhales and smiles.


Flash forward an eon or two plus a couple of ages.  Suspend your reality … insert Twitter and Texting into that universe.

You’re in Jerusalem and spot Jesus.  He’s getting a foot bath from a local prostitute as he tweets

“@Jesussavingsouls.”   “Kristn. Nito far 3 teg.  Bazukhn mit foter.  Kukn far mir dem zuntik.  Freyen aun shlum, I.” …

which loosely translated from Yiddish is:

“Christians.  Gone for 3 days.  Visit with Father.  Look for me this Sunday.  Rejoice and Peace, J.”

Think tweets impacting the size of the crowd at the Sermon on the Mount … a piece of matzah … and not enough fish!


And “Honest Abe,” pacing and muttering in the Oval Office, a bigtime procrastinator, he faces a time crunch.  He’s gotta come up with something for a little speech at Gettysburg.  Licking the nub of a pencil: “Hmmm … lemme try ‘Five score …’ S**t!  How many years’re in a score?”

He taps a text to John Hay, his personal secretary:

“Dammit, Hay!  How many years in a score!  Need to know now!”

And voilà … “Four score and seven years ago” kicks off one of Abe’s best speeches.   Who knows how things would’ve turned out if Lincoln had texted:

“M, can’t make the play tonight.  Too much going on.  Think this war’s almost done!”


Think of poor old Herbert Hoover’s campaign.  It wasn’t easy getting the word out in 1929.  “A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage!” … a catchy tweet if I ever read one!

FDR had his fireside chats … and he milked them for all he could.  But think if he could have tweeted, “This day shall live in infamy …”

So, now we have Twitter … and look who we got?

Almost makes me want the Pony Express back!

Just sayin’ …

8 thoughts on “What if ______ had an iPhone?

  1. Rockin’ Richard, (tweet-tweet-tweet)
    Rock-rock-rockin’ Richard (tweet-tweedilly-tweet)
    Go rockin’ Richard ’cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

    • Hey TL … So, you found me out! “Rockin’ Robin” … a one hit single sung by Bobby Day … I danced all night to that tune … back when my feet and legs responded to a tune and my brain … now I hum it when it plants itself in my brain as an “ear worm” and I tap my feet ever so gently.

      Thanks for reading my stuff …

    • Thanks for reading my stuff, Steve … Every time I hear that from RMN, I get goose bumps. We were very close to a bad situation with him … and Ford was a stroke of luck also … we went from a crook to someone who was totally acceptable and well liked by both sides of the aisle … a tad clumsy, but a truly nice and honest man.

  2. Whoa, Richard, you must have stayed up all night crafting this one! This may be my fave of all of your work. Kudos to you!

    • Thanx GL … It was one of those gems that just appears and then oozes out of what I call my brain. It was a fun one to play with. My biggest problem was limiting my self to 400’ish words … the presidents, historical figures and texts/tweets are truly limitless … and that’s before we even get to the surreal Trumpelthinskin.

      Thanx for reading and for all your support.

  3. Hey Rick … From you, the one word I want to hear … Thanks a heap for reading and your comment!

    All I’m gonna say now is … “stay away from the microwave!”

Comments are closed.