Bring Back the Mastadons!

Bring back the Mastodons … manly-kind is in crisis!

When the Mastodons dominated North America … also known as the “all-things-manly-days” … men led pheromone laced lives.

They gathered in smelly gangs of “Bros” and ran through the wild lands yelling, screaming and shaking their spears as they hunted the Megafauna to bring home the “Mastobacon.”

What could be more Manly-Man … and stupid … than attacking a beast that weighed 4-6 tons was close to 9’ tall and 12’-15’ long?

Answer:  NOTHING!


Now-a-days, we men are barraged daily with threats to our manhood.

“How do ya handle a hungry man?”  Ya give him freakin’ canned soup.


“Brawny” paper towels?  C’mon … ya want me to wipe up spilled milk after I’ve already cried over it?

Move over men … women in the CIA, Secret Service, Boy Scouts (soon to be Scouts without the “Boy”), and all sports.

Gender ID issues are leading us down the retro-path to unisex bathrooms … which were all that was available until the early 1700s.  It was the French who dreamed up the first gender segregated bathrooms.   Vive le français !

As history repeats itself, we’ll soon be peeing and pooping together again … destroying the “Public Man Cave” … making it another relic of the past!

I’m already stockpiling “Men” signs from bathroom doors … next stop, E-Bay!

Then there’s the 1973 Rock-n-Roll hit, “Smokin’ in the Boys’ Room” … no question it’s kaput, although no one even bothered to write, “Smokin’ in the Girls’ Room.”


And now we’ve got the “Macho, Macho Man” Trumplethinskin role playing as our President … trying to prove that his small hands don’t mean … “size matters!”

With access to the entire US arsenal of war toys and personnel, Prez Thinskin’s a male-middle-school-playground-man-child-bully threatening to obliterate the world.

He loves his new alt-right alt-fact alt-boy game … “Commander-in-Chief.”

He’s so into CiC and playing war, he’s lookin’ for any alt-reason to launch missiles or drop more “Mother-of-all-Bombs.”


And now … we have the icing on the Manly-Man Cake.

When 21st century couples go to fertility clinics, it’s reported that women are the “decision makers” in determining the gender of their store-bought-baby.  And they ain’t asking for boy babies.

The requests for girl babies far outpace the request for little weenie waggers.

Guys we’re in deep, deep doo-doo … and we need to “Bring Back the Mastodons!”

Just sayin’ …

7 thoughts on “Bring Back the Mastadons!

  1. Kudos (I think) for such a comprehensive list of modern societal Masto-dos and Masto-don’ts!
    I imagine every Masto-Don…and Masto-Dean and Masto-Jim-Bob and Masto-John will harken to your call…once they master that pesky “walking upright” thing.
    Still, this is yet another Masto-full example of SERIOUS absurdity that leaves only one question unanswered. How DO you catch a Mastodon? If guys are suddenly in charge again, my guess is the first thing they’ll try Masto-bating…

    • Holy Keeerist TL … It’s tuff being a bloger when your response outblogs the blgger … Mastokudos for some seriously Mastowriting … Thanks for reading and offering all your support …

      With the world at our fingertips thanks to Doctors Google and Wiki-fill-in-the-blanks, there’s no stopping the flow of absurdity.

      Chow for now … (I love the Italians)

      • Tish-tosh, Herr Huss! You be da star o’ seriously absurd blogging….I are just some dude what gots him enuff
        nerve to dare to re-ply to a Masto-piece!

  2. No way can I out-do Tom’s response, so I’ll just sit here continuing to laugh and to imagine what it would take to Masto-bate a Masto-Don, or, for that matter, to Masti-cate one! Maybe the women wanting girl babies is common sense: they can all marry Chinese boys.

    • Hoha, PMartha … thanks for reading and commenting.

      The only reason the mothers got Chinese baby girls was they were the only ones available under the “one child rule.” Now that the Chinese can have more than one child, the China Adoption umbilical will get cut. that leaves our (Made in the USA Baby Factories) for those mothers and that’s where they’re “ordering their girl babies.”

      Loved your Masto-word-play with TL’s reply … Until next week …

  3. I love the word play, the cartoons and your insights about the macho fetish that has created such horror in the world. Thanks, Richard.

    • Hi GL … Thanks for the comment. Yep, Trumplethinskin has pushed the manlyman role to the brink. Give a man tanks, guns, bombs and someone else’s children and he’ll play war anywhere in the world.

      I thought the art work this Masto-ful … Mari does a great job chasing down a graphic that enhances my craziness.

      As weekly bloggers are wont to say … wait’ll you see next week’s spectacular!

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