If I had it to do all over again … Dream Weddings

I dunno about you, but there are few things in my life I’d redo.

That doesn’t mean that I’ve been that good … it just means that my mistakes didn’t occur where there were lawyers or cops around.

But then I read in The Huffington Post that you can “dream your own wedding” and that caught my attention.

We’re not talking about the trite “Let’s get married in the park, back yard or vacant lot” kinda venue!  They’re all passé … mundane even.  Been there done that.

Let’s see … if I wanted to retie the matrimonial knot with my bride, what’s out there for me?


Now when you want to connect-the-dot with your bride, you can connect at “The Bell.”

For $600 they’ll plan your wedding … including Doritos Tacos Locos, Chalupas, cheesy Gordita Crunches, and a deluxe Cinnabon wedding cake!  Hmm, “Yummy in my Tummy!”

To paraphrase a recent Taco Bell bride and groom:

“…. We’ll be talking about our wedding long after your church wedding for a hundred grand is a dim memory!  Take that to the bank!”


Other fast food chains – here and abroad – are offering “wedding packages” for couples who want to get hitched, have some fun and keep their cash in their bank accounts.

McDonalds offers several matrimonial packages … but so far only in Hong Kong.

I you make that trip for your trip down Mickey D’s plastic-nuptial-aisle, just be sure the fries are hot … nothing ruins a wedding like greasy cold French Fries.  And you’ll enjoy a delicious 3-tier “Double Apple Pie Box Cake” for your wedding cake!

If you’re into pizza, check out D.C.’s &Pizza chain for their “Pi Day Las Vegas Chapel” wedding package.

For my non-nerd friends, that’s Pi Day as in 3.14 … as in 3/14 meaning March 14th … get it?

Don’t forget Pizza Hut … they’ll hold your Pre-wedding Engagement Party for a mere $10,010, which includes a red ruby ring … the extra ten buck’s for your personal Pizza Hut Dinner Box for two!

Go ahead … Pop the question at Pizza Hut and then hit “The Bell” to tie the knot!


If you’re really adventurous, there’s still one HoJo’s open in the USA … Lake George, New York.

Remember the fried Clams and 28 flavors of ice cream?  Check with the owners …  I bet they’d love to package a ceremony for you.

You could be among the last to get married under an “Orange Roof” that truly “Made America Great!”

Just sayin’ …

7 thoughts on “If I had it to do all over again … Dream Weddings

  1. There is one itsy-bitsy – but very possibly fatal – flaw here, Richard.
    It’s one I like to call “Mari.”
    Can ANYONE envision that paragon of refinement and sophistication – the apple turnover of your eye – agreeing to Taco Loco nuptials…let alone consenting to a (yellow arched) chapel of love as an ideal wedding venue?
    Be very, very careful, my friend. History has often not been kind to guys named Richard.
    Richard I died of gangrene from an arrow that was NOT fired by Cupid.
    Richard II kicked the bucket after being walled-up in Ponteratt Castle like a cast of medieval amontillado.
    Richard III didn’t die for want of a horse…but from nine – count ‘em nine – broadsword whacks to his head. (Put a sword into the hand of any broad and then suggest Pizza Hut for the wedding feast and that scenario can STILL be accurately and fatally re-created.)
    Just sayin’…..

    • Oooops….CASK of medieval amontillado….but you got the point anyway, right?

      • Hey TL … Well, once again you hit the “nail right on the head” this time the nail being my “head!” Imagine this … I didn’t let Mari see this blog ahead of time … Ooops … that was a mistake! However, two Martinis later, we had not clue what mistake we were there to discuss … Ya gotta love “liquid therapy!” Thanks for reading!

  2. Fun. There is something so “cheesy” now about extravagant weddings. Taco Bell sounds a lot more fun.

    • Hi PMartha … Thanks for the reply … Total agreement with you … I think I’d go for the Hong Kong Mickey D special … at least I can travel and see a part of the world outside of a dingy neighborhood Taco Bell!

      Appreciate your support.

  3. Geez, Dave and I could have saved a bundle on our March nuptials if you had been more timely with this column! In the future, you must consider the needs of your audience.
    PS: I totally agree with other comments about the elegant Ms. Mari.

    • Hi Janet … Sorry for the delay in responding … Your email got buried in a blog file accessible by Mari only … she uncovered it last night. Ooops!

      Your wedding was a delight and a trip down memory lane for you … Nachos woulda made it a bit better, though the dinner was superb! Has Dave made it back to your college hangout for a romantic dinner? I think you might be a able to handle the PI Day wedding chapel in DC … it’s a bit “sciency-nerdy” … just a thought! Thanks for reading.

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